Congress Takes Children Hostage for $12 Trillion

Abby Zimet

Facing budget shortfalls and public discontent, armed members of Congress led by House Speaker John Boehner took a group of visiting schoolchildren hostage at the Capitol, saying "all the kids will die" if their demands are not met. They are asking for $12 trillion, as well as guaranteed re-election, reduction of the veto-override threshold and new desks. From the Onion.  Police were not amused.

With the ransom deadline nearing, President Obama offered an emotional appeal, in vain: "There's just no way of getting through to these people. I know Speaker Boehner personally, and I know that he and his colleagues will not hesitate for a second to kill these poor children if they don't get their way. Trust me, this Congress will do it."

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