The $8 Billion Abortionplex, Soon With Jamba Juice and Bumper Boats: 4 Stars!

Abby Zimet

The saga of Planned Parenthood's new state-of-the-art fetus-killing facility in Topeka, Kansas - complete with coupons, karaoke, coffee shops, multiplex,  incinerators and new slogan, "No Life Is Sacred" - keeps unfolding. First the Onion article; then, a site devoted to Facebook comments from outraged people who, umm, thought it was serious. Now there are Yelp reviews - of the abortion experience, the nacho bar, the arcade games, and, most excitedly, IHOP Express in the food court. Man, alot of people have time on their hands.

Sample Reviews:

Can't wait to go back! Got great deals (Buy one, get one half-off.) Enjoyed the wide selection of bars, and picked up new sandals while I was there! I will be back for plenty more abortions!

This would be a 5 star review, had the bumper boats been open.

The waiter was so rude here! He tried to attack me with a hanger!

I had my bachelorette party there. The party planners are the best, they helped me put together the greatest evening, down to the smallest details. Me and my girls LOVED it. Highly recommended for your party needs. I was really nervous about having my abortion, considering I am a male. However, the helpful friendly staff at the 'plex really helped me feel comfortable.

A+. Would abort again.

I ended up leaving and going across the street to kill my unborn baby by eating 350 chicken nuggets from McDonalds.

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