Abusive Talking Burgers and Other Brilliant Ideas

by
Abby Zimet

Walking by the Burger King at the end of my road, I suddenly noticed a huge ad
for an Angry Whopper. Hmm, I thought, just what this country needs: more mindless rage. On the BK website I learned it's
a Whopper with spicy crispy onions, "angry sauce" and a bunch of other stuff. I also learned about
the Angry-Gram - "the perfect way to let someone know they annoy the
hell outta you" - wherein you can email, to people who've pissed you off, a talking burger
who tells zingers like "I'd rather stick a fork in my pancreas than
meet your co-workers" and "Your cousin's a great example of why we need
population control." On hearing these jokes, my seven-year-old offered
a wan smile. Followed, a minute later, by, "Could you turn that off?"
Oh captains of industry, you who have given us this crass and mean-spirited culture, hear our cry.

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