•Sept. 11, 2001. President George W. Bush, after being informed that America is experiencing a terrorist attack, sits for seven minutes in an apparent catatonic state in a Florida kindergarten, before being hauled off by his Secret Service detail.
Same day. With Bush safely stashed away in a cave at a SAC base in Nebraska, Vice President Dick Cheney, exercising authority he doesn't have, authorizes the Air Force to shoot down suspicious civilian airliners.
•March 19, 2003. Citing evidence that doesn't exist, President Bush orders the invasion of Iraq to protect America from a threat that doesn't exist.
•May 3, 2003. President Bush, clad in a spiffy jumpsuit commissioned by Karl Rove, arrives on the aircraft carrier Abraham Lincoln to announce the end of major combat in Iraq, beneath a banner proclaiming "Mission Accomplished." White House spinners later try to blame the Navy for the banner, but that lie fails.
•June, 2003. President Bush, being interviewed on television while visiting Poland, boasts that American forces in Iraq have found weapons of mass destruction.
Same month. An international inspection team reports that there were no WMD in Iraq.
•May, 2004. Following disclosures of prisoner abuse and torture in American military prisons, Attorney General Alberto Gonzales rules that the Geneva Accords, which frown on such practices are quaint and outdated and it's all right to torture prisoners as long as you don't call it torture and you don't kill them. Except by accident.
•Oct. 26, 2005. The number of American military deaths in Iraq reaches 2,000, presumably as a result of minor combat.
•Dec. 15, 2005. The New York Times reveals (a year after learning of it) that the Bush administration has been allowing the National Security Agency to wire tap and otherwise eavesdrop on American citizens in apparent violation of the Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Act (FISA).
•Dec. 16, 2005. President Bush announces that the U. S. Constitution, the U. S. Congress and God authorized him to bypass FISA.
•Dec. 17, 2005. Attorney General Alberto Gonzales, after careful study, announces that FISA is outdated.
•Dec. 19, 2005. Constitutional law scholars say Bush's flouting of FISA was unconstitutional.
•Dec. 28, 2005. Attorney General Alberto Gonzales rules that the Constitution, being more than 200 years old, is outdated and declares it null and void.
•January 5, 2006. With military enlistments in free fall, newly designated Secretary of War Donald Rumsfeld authorizes the creation of press gangs to help fill the ranks.
•January 6, 2006. Cut-and-run congressional Democrats denounce the use of press gangs as un-American.
•January 12, 2006 British Prime Minister Tony Blair, in a show of support for President Bush, flies to Washington and reminds Americans that while British Navy press gangs forcing American seaman to join the Royal Navy may have led to the War of 1812, it could also be seen as a form of Anglo-American solidarity. Following his speech, Blair accepts a Milk Bone biscuit from Bush.
•January 21, 2006. In his State of the Union speech, President Bush announces that he is declaring Iraq an American protectorate and names Vice President Dick Cheney as Viceroy. "It's the least we can do for the Iraqian people," the president says.
•January 22, 2006. Viceroy Cheney, in accepting his new role, says it will give him more time to spend with his family and Antonin Scalia. He also announces plans to dissolve the Iraqi Parliament and replace it with the board of directors of Kellogg, Brown and Root.
•January 26, 2006. Cut-and-run Democrats and turncoat Republicans led by John McCain, file articles of impeachment against President Bush.
•Feb. 2, 2006. Bush dissolves Congress and proclaims himself president for life.
•Feb. 3, 2006. The Wall street Journal, in a lead editorial, calls Bush's action "bold and decisive," and "long overdue."
•Feb. 4, 2006. In a poll conducted by the Fox Network, Bush's approval rating soars to 98 percent.
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