Slogans: Good. Policy: Bad.
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Published on Thursday, March 17, 2005 by CommonDreams.org
Slogans: Good. Policy: Bad.
by Will Durst
President Bush tapped Karen Hughes this week to be
his extra special super secret advisor whose mission,
should she choose to accept it, is to repair the image
of the US overseas, particularly in the Arab world.
What are they code naming this mission: Sisyphus? Does
the phrase "Band- Aid on a sucking chest wound" have
any meaning here? Perhaps a raffle or a bake sale is
also in the works. As my daddy always said, "No matter
how many ducky feathers you glue to a tank, you're
still not going to get invited to swim in many
It'll be interesting to see what measures Ms. Hughes
takes when she finds out the problem isn't so much our
lousy public relations but our lousy foreign policies.
You want to improve America's image, I'll tell you how
to improve America's image. Put a leash on Rumsfeld
and stop treating the rest of the world like it smells
funny and made a doo doo on the shag rug in front of
Mother Teresa's holier sister on Easter.
I got to say, creating the position of Spinmeister
General does makes sense; at least we're playing to
our strengths. As a country we have always excelled at
selling the sizzle over the steak. Just last fall,
this nation's veterans chose a borderline deserter
over a decorated war hero. And the responsibility for
that feat can be laid directly at the altar of
advertising. There you go: enlist the Swift Boat
Veterans to launch an international campaign finally
revealing the truth about Osama's chronic bed wetting.
If Karen Hughes plans to craft a cuddlier image for
us, she's going to need a little help. Okay, she's
going to need a lot of help. An aircraft carrier group
of help. And I'm thinking some snappy slogans could
come in handy. Quick. Simple. Buzz worthy. So, in the
interest of patriotism, I'm offering up a few. Gratis.
Don't thank me, I'm here to help.
30 US FOREIGN POLICY EXTREME MAKE- OVER SLOGANS.
Political Comic Will Durst knew this already, but
apparently he is nobody.
- When Democracy Reigns, It Pours.
- America: Just a Big Red White and Blue Teddy Bear
With a Whole Lot of Guns.
- Snap. Crackle. Pow. Thud.
- Be All We Think You Should Be.
- Tastes Great. Less Torture.
- They Don't Call Us The GREAT Satan For Nothing.
- America 2.0. Now With Improved Press Suppression.
- What's So Bad About Bread And Circuses Anyway?
- John Wayne: Not Just an Actor. A Way Of Life.
- Don't Like Us? Get in line.
- I'd Walk A Mile For A Camel.
- The US: The Ultimate Lying Machine.
- Wouldn't You Really Rather Have A Republic?
- Badges, We Don't Need No Stinking Badges.
- Friendly Fire 'R Us.
- Democracy: Just Do It.
- You're In Good Hands With Our State.
- You Keep the Sand, We'll Take the Oil.
- Sometimes You Feel Like a Crazed Tyrannical Despot,
Sometimes You Don't.
- Freedom: Breakfast of Champions.
- We're Everywhere You Want To Be. Deal With It.
- The New Improved Low- Carb, Atkins- Friendly
- Got Grenades?
- Don't Leave Home Without It. No, Really. Stay in Your Homes.
- I Can't Believe I Invaded The Whole Peninsula.
- Autonomy: Its the Real Thing.
- The Best Part Of Waking Up Is No Dead Bodies On Your
- Aren't You Glad You Use a Free Market Economy? Don't
You Wish Everybody Did?
- Better Living Through Sovereignty.
- Nobody Doesn't Like Britney Spears.