The latest hand of high-stakes Baghdad bluff poker is really getting interesting. Here's an update:

Just as the Texas Crusader, President George W. Bush, was about to invade Iraq, ostensibly for refusing to admit weapons inspectors, the slippery Iraqis agreed to inspection. How dare Saddam Hussein co-operate! Fight fair, you swine! So now Bush says he will block UN inspectors from going to Iraq.

How confusing. If the U.S. is now blocking UN arms inspectors, can Iraq go to the UN and get approval to invade the U.S. and do a regime change in Washington, maybe putting Rev. Jesse Jackson in the White House?

Bush has blasted Saddam for "undermining and weakening the UN." In his very next sentence, Bush vowed to ignore the UN Security Council and invade I-raq, as he calls it, if the UN didn't give him a green light to attack. Bush is determined to destroy a nation whose name he can't even pronounce.

No problemo, however, with the supine U.S. Congress. The special interests that have bought Congress demand war on Iraq. More importantly, Bush and Congress (Democrats and Republicans alike) fear the minute Iraq war fever subsides, they will be crucified over the scandals engulfing Wall Street and corporate America. The Clinton and Bush administrations and Congress all took huge donations from the super crooks at Enron, Worldcom, Global Crossing and their Wall Street co-conspirators, and were thus party to the most massive swindle in American history.

November's mid-term elections are only six weeks away. Bush and Congress must keep voters terrified by the bogeyman of Baghdad or the folks in Peoria will exact revenge on the politicians who enabled the Mother of all Frauds.

Meanwhile, Saddam says Bush is taking orders from Israel and wants to rob him of his oil. Saddam's trusted aides are burying a few old cans of chemicals and toxin deeper in the desert. Showing untypical diplomatic agility, Saddam has temporarily split the great powers and is busy offering oil deals to Russia, China and France. However, on a down note, Iraqi Life Ltd. just cancelled his insurance policy.

Double-dealing British

In Britain last week, Foreign Secretary Jack Straw accused the Iraqis of being "duplicitous." That's a $5 word that means two-faced. Talk about the kettle calling the pot black. The British invented duplicity. In fact, double-dealing British imperialists created many of the world's chronic problems. Thank the Brits for Palestine and Israel, Belfast, India, Pakistan, and Kashmir, Iraq and much of the mess in Africa. London is determined to grab a share of Iraq's oil once Saddam is overthrown. That's why Tony Blair, known far and wide as "Bush's poodle," is barking so loudly.

In Russia, clever President Vladimir Putin has told unclever George Bush that maybe he'll give him a green light to invade Iraq, but the price will be allowing Russia to invade Georgia and smash the Chechen independence fighters, plus about $12 billion in cash, and a chunk of Iraq's oil. By the way, hearty thanks from my old pals at the KGB for branding the Chechens "terrorists."

The French are too clever to stand in the path of the charging American bull, so they are temporizing and hedging, trying to slow down the rush to war while making sure that if Bush does invade Iraq, French oil firms and arms producers will get a share of the plunder.

In a stunning act of independence, German Chancellor Gerhard Schroder, locked in a tight re-election campaign, has strongly opposed any U.S. invasion of Iraq, a position supported by a majority of Germans. Never before has subservient postwar Germany stood up to Washington. Europeans are delighted; Washington is furious. Expect more Hollywood films about World War II.

Israel is being very low key in all this, but has put its mighty U.S. lobby into high gear to press for a war against Iraq ... then against Iran, then Syria, then Lebanon, then Libya. Once the Arab states are shattered, Israel will dominate the Mideast. "The Israel-Iraq Oil Company"... now, that has nice ring to it.

Throughout all this, the Arab rulers are cowering in their palaces. They can't decided whether they are more petrified of a Bush administration run amok or their own angry people. Most Arab leaders will come down against Saddam, since their personal protection and fortunes are assured by the U.S., and they know they're next to be "liberated" if they don't obey. Never have the Arabs looked more impotent or pitiful. The only Arab leader showing an adequate level of male hormones is Saddam.

Turkish politicians say, "We are totally opposed to an illegal U.S. invasion of Iraq! Totally! We are a people of principle. However, if you would forgive $15 billion of our debts, make a paltry contribution of another $10 billion or so, give us some of your nifty new arms, and allow us to 'liberate' Iraq's northern oil fields, well, then anything is possible."

And the United Nations? It may think the Americans have gone crazy, but, hey, the Yanks pay almost half of the UN's bills. There's no way the UN will endanger its expense accounts for the sake of miserable Iraq.

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