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The State of the Corporate Union
The State of the Union will be a little different this year. Thanks to a last-minute switch the annual address will be presented by Lloyd Blankfein, CEO and Chairman of Goldman Sachs, known henceforth as CEO of America.
While a final text is not yet released, insiders suggest that CEO Blankfein will declare the state of the union excellent, and announce significant bonuses for five of nine Supreme Court Justices.
In a departure from tradition, senators and representatives will be charged for seating in the hall this year but several prominent seats will be put aside for lobbyists for the Pharmaceutical Research and Manufacturers of America (PhRMA), the industry trade group America's Health Insurance Plans (AHIP) and drug companies Eli Lilly, Pfizer and Amgen.
According to insider accounts, those individuals will be recognized for the $144 million dollar investment they made in the democratic system in 2009. Other honored guests likely to be recognized for their participation in the process are said to include Exxon Mobil, Xe (formerly known as Blackwater) and Chevron.
CEO Blankfein is expected to declare his presence at the dais historic. "The Framers of Our Constitution were always very clear that the right to free speech belonged only to those who could pay for it. 2010 marks the culmination of the process by which corporations are recognized as full and equal citizens.
"Forty years on, the dream of Dr. King has finally been recognized. Corporations can finally be seen for what they are, endowed with full personhood, along with accompanying rights to life liberty and pursuit of profit,"
Blankfein's comments as currently released make no mention of responsibilities.
Barack Obama, asked for his response, said he was sure that he and Lloyd Blankfein would come to an agreement soon about the relocation of the Oval Office from the White House to Wall Street."This is no time to polarize and divide the American people," said the former president.
Commented his chief of staff Rahm Emanuel: "It's time our democracy was handed over to corporations, who have the expertise to know how to use it."
Said consumer advocate Ralph Nader, now hosting a late night comedy show: "Let 'em have our Consitution, we weren't using it."