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We Don’t Find Happiness at The Mall
I wish you a Merry Christmas. And a Happy New Year. I really do.
But what would make Chistmas merry, and New Year's happy?
Good question. Two-thirds of Americans apparently dread the holiday season, because it will simply add more stuff to their lives. Christmas gifts have become the social equivalent of anti-matter. Far from delighting the recipients, Christmas gifts depress them.
I stumbled across this information in Bill McKibben's provocative book Deep Economy: The Wealth of Communities and the Durable Future. In it, McKibben asks a simple question: "Is more better?" Do objects and possessions really make us happy? If not, then why pursue "economic growth," which really means the creation of still more objects and possessions?
These are heretical questions - particularly to economists, whose odd semi-science rests on the assumption that we can tell what makes you happy (or "maximizes utility," in econo-speak) by looking at how you spend your money. Economics assumes that people are rational and make rational choices. If you're buying a leaf blower, then, presumably you've judged that of all the things you could possibly be doing at this moment, buying a leaf blower is the most satisfying.
Buying stuff makes you happy. The more stuff you can buy, the happier you'll be. That's the fundamental assumption of economics.
But it's not so in the real world. In 1991, McKibben reports, "the average American family owned twice as many cars, drove two and a half times as far, used twenty-one times as much plastic, and traveled twenty-five times farther by air than did the average family in 1951." The economy had tripled since 1950, and the size of new houses had doubled since 1970.
So those families were two or three times as happy, right?
Wrong. The proportion of Americans who say they are happy has slipped steadily since about 1950. In all the industrialized countries, increasing prosperity has been accompanied by decreasing happiness. Japan and the U.K. have seen huge increases in per capita incomes, but no increases in happiness.
The New York Times reports that people born in the world's wealthiest countries after 1955 are "three times as likely as their grandparents to have had a serious bout of depression." Between 1955 and 1988, British national income rose sharply - and so did rates of crime and divorce.
And we have so much junk that a whole new industry has arisen to take care of it. One of the fastest-growing businesses in North America is self-storage.
Another series of studies has come at this question backwards, asking people to describe the factors that contribute to a high quality of life. About 70 per cent give great weight to such intangibles as family life, equality, recreational opportunities, job satisfaction.
The best predictors of happiness include robust health and a good marriage. Money and possessions rank very low.
So how did we get mesmerized by the notion that happiness comes from steadily rising incomes and a steadily expanding economy?
Because it's true - but only to a point. Money and possessions do bring happiness - but (says the research) only up to about $10,000 per capita. That's $40,000 a year for a couple with two kids, enough to provide decent shelter, an adequate diet, all the basic amenities of life. Beyond $10,000 per capita there's no reliable correlation between money and happiness.
But our perceptions haven't caught up with reality. We've become rich, but we behave as though we were still as poor as the novelist Hugh MacLennan, growing up in Glace Bay during the First World War. One of his most beautiful stories, An Orange from Portugal, conveys his joy and wonder at the sight of a single fresh orange at Christmas.
We need a new way to celebrate Christmas, a fresh tradition that recognizes the deeper needs of affluent people.
We don't need more stuff. We need time with beloved people, silence for spiritual reflection, engagement with art, connection with nature.
I wish you a Merry Christmas. And a Happy New Year. And the wisdom to seek happiness not in the malls and the big-box stores, but in places where it can actually be found.
25 Comments so far
Show AllSioux Rose
My best friend who lives 500 miles away usually shares similar feelings to my own. I called her during a very stressful Saturday and we discussed this issue after she said, "I hate the holidays." We both understood that what was most needed was to get OUT in nature. Whether that be walking in a tree lined park, or by the water's edge, NATURE is our healer.
A study was done a while back since the Professor Emeritus, Robert E. Lane published his findings which were published on Commondreams. He deduced that there was a net loss of happiness in market societies, and that most peoople value loving family ties much higher than things.
Capitalism, assisted by a 24/7 media relay system could not sell things as onerous as cigarettes were there not covert behavior modification cues utilized. The many skinny models, of late, Victoria's sensual secret girls posing sensually before the public on prime time TV, make anyone with an extra 5 pounds feel "less than." How many of us can afford the dental work of the news casters? The media works on our insecurities, our desire to be loved and validated, and using people who seem "closer to perfection" as the yardstick, convince lots of persons their odds improve if they drive the Corvette or purchase the $300 purse. In other words desires are themselves manufactured, what Dr. Seuss termed, "THNEEDS" in his powerful book, "The Lorax."
I figured this out a long time ago and have learned to enjoy simple pleasures. The fruit of this realization is not having to go to work for anyone else, defining my day as I choose to experience it, and being largely free of debt. It is tough to advocate this type of thing when so many went for the expensive homes and cars and now are indentured servants to their debt-masters. We can and should scale back. Current events require no less of us.
I live on a third of what I earned when I was working. Then I was miserable. Now I am happy.
Now I have time to decide whether life is worth the trouble, e.g. eating, bathing, shitting. When I was working my life belonged to my employer. Now it belongs to me; it has belonged to me for the last fifteen years.
In some ways I have fucked it up pretty good: two divorces, a big mortgage, but they were MY mistakes that I live with.
I have time now. Time to contemplate the mysteries of life, to read, to watch, to see. My joints hurt now, but now I know that pleasure and pain are transient; neither lasts for long.
The ability to experience pure being is worth more than anything else I have encountered.
Pay no attention to the devil (stuff, reputation, how you compare with others) he is a liar.
Do yourself a favor and be.
Everyone has something to give and I noticed that the article describes a "me" peoples.
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This is a Christmas ode for all who will accept it.
LOVE: There are so many ways to express this concept, emotion but it matters not in what context it is used for the rule as ever is “To love God with all your heart and soul and your neighbor as yourself” and your neighbor being anyone other than yourself.
HEART: This is not the same as the wondrous totality expressed above for there can be much more that is expressed by any heart that is human; avoid hate and malice, never end a day in anger and one can bring a full heart to a day to share and not shelve.
MIND: Here is the one treasure among many that we have as humans that sets us apart from other living creatures on this planet. To create, appreciate, articulate and to share such with any human or other creature; treasure.
SENSES: How elevating it is to self and others in the sharing of these life enhancing manifestations! To see other life, human, animal, mineral and things created by any or all of the above. To hear beauty in all that is; To touch what is seen or not but to feel beauty; To taste what is beautiful to self and share, think chocolate; To smell what makes the mind think of things made in heaven in large measure.
Life on this earth is a choice we make and choices are what life is all about and to choose sharing is living.
Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year, with love, Sandy, Betty, Pam and Tony
I love my family deeply (I'm truly lucky to have a great loving family) and I try to limit how much I 'love' myself...not a healthy one that one. I try to understand myself, improve, and accept what can't be changed.
I don't believe in god and when I did (strict Catholic until about 18) I could not wrap my mind around this pandering silliness of 'loving god', much as I tried. When I love people (and animals for that matter), it's very real; I don't have to force it. The authenticity and spontaneity are totally obvious. I get truly excited about seeing my kids and my so adorable granddaughter, and I see them as often as I possibly can.
I try to reach out to neighbours, be understand, cut them some slack when they act...un-neighbourly, etc. But I don't feel any necessity to force myself to pretend to 'love' them. That emotion is reserved for those who elicit it spontaneously. (I have had some neighbours that elicited plenty and that was great!!)
If by heart you mean enthusiasm and passion for life, it is huge. Curiosity about things can be developed and should be. There is so much to see, do, appreciate...
But when you have as much passion as I have, you have no fear whatever of negative emotions; they have their place as well, and I love to hate what needs to be hated...and there's a fair bit of it to go around. For instance, I can say that I truly hate the chimp-in-chief and that I truly loved to see him have to duck those shoes and to realize that instead of the positive photo-op he wanted from Irak to bolster his claim to having 'liberated' Irak, that humiliating clip will be played everytime his name is mentioned in the media. I love that.
I hate Cheney and the rest with passionate, satisfying relish. Forgive them!? HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
That we are all that different than other higher animals in terms of mind is old religious crap that I find annoying and self-deluding. No... dogs and cats and crows and dolphins dont write and debate philosophy on CD, but they do fairly high-level problem-solving thinking and that's good enough for me. I am very satisfied that we humans have developed our minds as we have, invented writing, jazz guitar, etc. But animals do plenty of things I envy.
I think developing your mind throughout your whole life if important and greatly adds to life. Pandering to imagined super beings and indulging in other aspects of medieval superstition doesn't seem like a very healthy way to treat your mind.
I truly wish people could lean on their (our) shared humanity and keep this annoying superstitious proselytizing out of conversations at the time of the winter solstice.
What percentage of the world population are we--maybe 9%--and how much of the world's resources do we in the U.S. consume--about 30%. Our overconsumption is the root of all our other problems--environmental destruction, poverty, war, alienation. In my family, we are trying to learn to live in a more sustainable way. This is not easy, since our whole culture tells us that buying things will make us happy.
First, we stopped watching television. With no commercials, we forgot what losers we are, and weren't constantly reminded that we needed to buy the advertised products that would turn us into happy, fulfilled winners. Last Christmas was our first Christmas without buying gifts. We spent time together, had some nice meals, and it was wonderful! Our children are now adults, so we gave them checks, not stuff, and donated more to charity. We're doing that again this year, and are looking forward to Christmas instead of dreading it. We are part of the huge baby boomer cohort, so of course the minute we get interested in anything, we always find that thousands of the people who are just like us are interested in the same thing. So we were delighted, but not surprised, to learn about the documentary film "What Would Jesus Buy?"
"What Would Jesus Buy?" follows Reverend Billy and The Church of Stop Shopping Gospel Choir on their bus trip across the U.S., preaching and doing shopping "interventions" in parking lots and chain stores across the country, everywhere from the Mall of the Americas to Disneyland. Variety called this documentary "seriously funny," and it is! You can watch this film for free, with no commercials, at
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=1056487665981560376 .
Entertaining for kids and adults, "WWJB?" is so funny that you don't realize that it is changing the way you will see
chain stores, sweatshop products, and "free" trade from then on, and it becomes so much easier to, as Reverend Billy says, "Back AWAY from that product!"
"What percentage of the world population are we--maybe 9%?"
The correct answer is 4.5%. However, your guess about consumption, 30%, is not far from the mark. And the US pollutes, in terms of greenhouse gases and other forms of pollution, far more than its share.
I have for years thought that one good way to judge how well an economic/political system works is to determine how much happiness it produces for how many people, for how many resources it uses and how much it pollutes. One would also want to factor in how much misery it causes in other lands, regardless of what the excuses are. For example, (population times average happiness) divided by (nonrenewable resources used plus pollution caused plus external misery caused). Under such measurements and calculations, I suspect that the US could very well come in last in the entire world.
I'm afraid you are right
Happiness, peace, & love all come from within. None of those things are actually guaranteed to anyone in this world. There are only "Special Days" if you believe there are special days when in reality the appeared giving light to the morning and the sun went out of sight bringng darkness, so it's been a day.
This old Indian spends most of his time outside in nature except for winter months that cuts down on outside time. I never bought into the worldly European schooling system of "Pass & Fail." I never bought into the worldly European business philosophy of "Success & Failure." I certainly never bought into their European style of govt especially their worldly ideologies/philosophies of Left & Right thinking.
And strangely even though born many years ago I was happier than most people of European Heritage I knew then, & I am happier than most people of European Heritage I know now.
When Ohio was the far west a man of European Heritage traveled amongst the blood thirsty savage tribes. When he returned from his travels amongst the blood thirsty savage tribes he said they lived like the Bible says to live & they don't even have the book.
While attending European style schools I was also attending Indian 101. I don't claim every person of Native Heritage was perfect of could do no wrong but the members of a tribe lived with love in their hearts for each other. Like all other peoples is disputes arose they settled those disputes without "Courts & lawyers" and forgave one another.
In tribes that had the vote woman had the vote long before the Europeans ever arrived. Women were not squaws but played a very large part in all decision making of the tribe.
Children were taught by their parents, not by strangers, they were taught everything they need to know to live with the tribe & the earth.
The tribes did not have a "Big Boss System" of doing things. Some tribes were perplexed when the people of European Heritage asked to see their Chiefs. They didn't have bosses or Chiefs. Get up, go hunting, fishing, grow or gather some food for the day, eat, spend the rest of the day having fun. There wasn't any Instutionalized Insanity.
Most tribes called God, Grandfather, looked upon God as a good God, and loving God. They considerd the earth to be an extention of the God's Spiritual Realm.
Had they been the blood thirst savages portrayed in European History books of lies then Columbus wouldn't have lasted a week, nor would have the Pilgrims lasted a week. Most problems came because the Europeans pushed the tribes to hard & they wanted way to much with eventually ending up with most all of the land except for the living prisons they call Reservations.
Along the way their govt broke nearly every treaty if not every treaty they signed with the tribes. Through Cause & Effect this is the world they built in this land called Turtle Island by the tribes. Doesn't currently look like they were content just to steal the land of the tribes as they have been overtly & covertly overthrowing the govts of other peoples in other lands to set up their puppet govts while looting their natural resources just like they have looted their own treasurey the past 8 years.
They do those things because there isn't any love, peace, or happiness within themselves. They think worldly power, wealth, materialism, & titles are the way to happiness. This world is a reflection of both the Spiritual Realms of love & light, and darkness.
Freewill. A human's ability to choose between love, light, & darkness.
Well that all depends on the tribe you are speaking of, woman in some eastern tribes had all the power while some in the west, woman were no more then slaves. Each tribe delt with such matter diffrently. I am of the Muscogee Creeks, woman had a big say in the goverment but not all tribes did. Some tribes in the east burnt captives alive while others adopted captives as members in the tribe, so it realy depends on which tribe you are refuring.
True that. A better way to sum this up is
THE CURSE OF BLACK GOLD !!!!
"But our perceptions haven't caught up with reality."
That's what happens when ya spend 5 hours per day, 7 days per week, for 20 or 30 years, passively absorbing the single message TV delivers: buying will make you happy.
The only thing more difficult than mass brainwashing is mass deprogramming...
In the spirit of ChrisTmas, perhaps we should remember that true happiness can only be achieved when you accept the love of G*D into your life. Here's hoping that people of all faiths enjoy a happy holiday season!
FYI, one can enjoy Christmas without all that religion crap. Besides, the Christians don't own Christmas.
It's called CHRISTmas for a reason.
Why do you feel the need to insult billions of people in this world by calling our religions "crap"? Why do you have to be so mean spirited?
I wish the atheists would stop co-opting Christmas.
Go celebrate Saturnalia or Kwanzaa and let us Christians have our own holiday.
Celebrating winter soltice was a time to gather and celebrate long before you superstitious, holier-than-thou Christians commandeered it.
Dafoe
I don't think there is anything that says you cannot celebrate the Winter Solstice while others are celebrating Christmas, why the slanging ? Perhaps you could fill us in on what it is you gather and celebrate.
Allahu akbar!
-- ekaton aka d.k.shaw
Actually, Xmas is soooo much better without all that idiot superstition and moral holier-than-thouism.
"...that true happiness can only be achieved when you accept the love of G*D into your life..."!!!!?????
So you feel that you can proselytize and and lay down the conditions of happiness for everybody... according of course to your particular brand of medieval superstition. (And what is this precious silliness that people can't write out: 'god', but must remove the vowel...Your god is sensitive about seeing a vowel in his name???)
In my family, we all lead very busy lives and it's extremely hard to get together during the year except at Xmas. But for the Xmas holidays, we all make ourselves available, no matter what and we get together and it couldn't be more special.
Two guests are NOT welcome:
1) superstition (religion)
2) commercialism (idiot gift buying)
We buy a reasonable amount of gifts for the kids, and strictly none for the adults. None of this idiot running around spending a small fortune on crap because of being too simplistic to withstand the propanda assault of slimball profiteers that has turned Xmas into the most ridiculous buy'o'fest possible.
The winter solstice has been a time of family and clan get-together for likely tens of thousands of years. It's the perfect time to look back on the year, surrounded by your family, and to share food, wine, stories, etc., as you prepare to start a new year.
I truly wish that everybody who contributes to this site and the whole world (really) can have as wonderful a time as we usually do. Compared to so many people on the planet, we know we have it sooooo good. So much suffering on this little out-of-the-way planet that it's hard not to let it get you down sometimes.
That's partly why we all decided several years back to stop this idiot gift buying and give the money we save to our favorite charities.
Good holidays to everyone.
A couple decades back my brother and I brought this nonsense to a stop at a small and pivotal moment. While growing up my brother and I had dismissed the pervasive consumerism of the Winter Solstice rolled into the conjured up fake holiday of the birth of Christ and expected to celebrate despite any such reference in our ancient family bible. We had recognized the absurdity of running around with the feeling of dread trying to get gifts for people not knowing what they really wanted or needed with the accompanying irritation of having to go get such things and spending the money for them. We had noted that at the end of it all everyone had run around expending a lot of time,energy and money and, in a perfect world, you ended up with equal amounts of stuff. Maybe it was useful stuff, maybe not.
But our special moment came one year when we had both gave each other cards with the same amount of cash inside. At that moment we looked at each other and laughed out loud. Wasn't this what we were talking about? At the end we had equal amounts of stuff and giving cash at least allowed us to buy things we may actually need. So now we can verbally agree to give each other... oh say $1,000,000 but don't bother because we'd just have the same amount.
On Solstice morning my son gets a couple of gifts and he understands we are practicing something older than a mass. And now it's clear that this yearly event of over consumption and it's inverse of massive waste are what have lead us into the current economic problem.
Remember, Solstice IS the reason for the season!
Cool. Thanks for that.
Dennis. I like the statement ( truth ) that " one does not need religion to do good in society"
what good is history if no one knows it? why worship anything without doing some research? there's a ton of information out there on all kinds of things...it's kind of weird to discuss a religion with a self-proclaimed practitioner, ask them specific questions about the historical development of their religion, only to discover them to not even be aware of such...where do you go with that? then you throw in zealotry and weaponry, and things get real scary real quick...
try defending marijuana...I know some of you do, and thanks...the things that get said in those conversations become very strange and uninformed...the arguments against begin to sound like anti-knowledge...
"...Money and possessions do bring happiness - but (says the research) only up to about $10,000 per capita..."
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Huh? $10K/year will not run a single-person household in my very-average suburban neighborhood.
But back to the issue at hand. The author is right on. Regardless of how the holidays (Christian Christmas, Pagan Solstice, whatever) are celebrated, I feel an ever-increasing dislike of the commercialization of the holidays. I wouldn't mind at all if there was a law that prohibited giving holiday gifts to anyone over the age of about 12.
I get much more out of things like the sacred circle I attended on Dec. 11th, the Solstice celebration recently and the upcoming Meditation for World Peace on Dec. 31st. And I'm looking forward to a few precious, rejuvenating days away from the corporate grind.