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Pete Goes (Anti)Ballistic
EDITOR'S NOTE from The Nation: Paul Newman, one of the greatest actors of his generation and an ardent advocate for peace and progressive causes, died Friday at 83. A great friend and supporter of The Nation, Newman also was an occasional contributor to the magazine. In this piece, written in August, 2000, he cast the nuclear arms race in characteristically sardonic and deeply personal terms. We will miss him.
Pete is four and a half and is about to overtake Leonardo da Vinci, both in art and science. The neighbor is 43, an ex-intelligence officer and a spokesperson for the Pentagon's Ballistic Missile Defense Organization. He outweighs Pete by 191 pounds but, as noted, is no match for the kid upstairs, if you get my meaning.
The big guy captures Pete's rook. "You are weak on defense, kiddo," he chortles.
Pete slithers his queen across the board. "Checkmate," says the kid. "You are weak on defense, here and at work." He points to the headline:
Key Missile Parts Are Left Untested as Booster Fails
"His team just flunked yet another of many missile tests, Gramps. A leaky defense umbrella, if ever I saw one."
"We only flunked the first, most proven, reliable stage of the test, kiddo," says the big guy. "The most sophisticated, complicated, experimental, unsuccessful, least likely elements of the test never got a chance to fail, so how do you know they wouldn't succeed? As Defense Secretary Cohen said, 'The test was a disappointment, but it was one of those failures that was at least expected.'"
"Congressman Curt Weldon was on the Lehrer NewsHour," I venture. "He bulged his eyes and pumped his face full of blood and shouted at me through the television, 'How much is New York City worth?!! Is it $60 billion or $100 billion?!!!'"
"That question is a mindless and clever smokescreen," says Pete. "The real question is, Are they playing a joke on New York by suggesting that $60 billion will buy protection for the city? If I were a cynical little boy, I'd say those billions will buy job protection for incumbent congressmen and zip for the guy in a taxi."
"You really know how to hurt a fella, don't you, kid?" says the big guy.
"You guys rigged the only successful missile test. You put a beacon in the decoy. Why don't you put a beacon in Congressman Weldon's nose? Maybe you could rig the next election for him as well."
"Maybe what I could do," the big guy speculates, "is to have my guys set up the target again at Vandenberg, the interceptor at Kwajalein, start the countdown again--ten, nine, eight, y'know, get to ONE and then--I shut down the power! That way nothing fails, fizzles or flops. Everything will be A-OK."
"Power on or power off," says the kid, "I'll bet you set off the beacons in the noses of Boeing, Raytheon, TRW and Lockheed Martin that start up the giant vacuum cleaners that suck money out of the Treasury."
The big guy is not listening. He is ecstatic.
"We can bypass all testing, all budgets, the whole system. If things get nuts we just push the ON button!"
The kid heads upstairs.
"Why don't you call Toys "R" Us?" he says. "See what they have in their arsenal."
The big guy's eyes go glassy with the possibilities.
13 Comments so far
Show AllWe'll all miss Paul Newman. My condoloescenses to his family. ): My favorite Paul Newman performance: "The Verdict".
'Hud' is the greatest film of all time. But Paul Newman's person, humanity, is even rarer.
Paul, thanks for your wonderful films and contributions to charity. You indeed are an icon as a genuine human being in addition to a legendary actor. To the Newman family I extend my deepest condolences and sympathies.
Sincerely,
Dan
Goodbye, Cool Hand.
Just found out after looking up this article. What a blow! Thanks Paul for giving me hours of entertainment. You were The Man---a sexy stud, a fine actor that kept getting better (and hunkier) and lets not forget those products that I didn't mind buying because they were top quality. And for all the 'family value' people, who could be a better example? To his family: you have my deepest sympathy. It is a great loss for us all.
Wow, the kid was only 4 1/2, it is kids like this that can help save us all. One more thing to be thankful to Paul Newman for. Those blue eyes pierced through me the first time I saw him on the big screen. You know what they say about first impressions - and he only got better with time. Rest in Peace, Paul Newman, a friend to many.
I liked him in "The Hustler," "The Sting," "Absence of Malice," "The Verdict," "Cool Hand Luke" and "Hud," all of them film classics that people will still be enjoying a century from now.
I always thought it was a shame he didn't run for president -- he could have beaten Reagan in the '80s. Imagine what our country would look like now if we had had a President Newman instead of Reagan and Poppy Bush.
Yes, R.I.P. and thanks for the memories.
A Class Act both on and off the big screen, and a pretty good writer to boot. We will have his movies to keep his legend alive for decades to come. Sympathy to his friends, family and fans.
"You guys rigged the only successful missile test. You put a beacon in the decoy. Why don't you put a beacon in Congressman Weldon's nose? Maybe you could rig the next election for him as well."
I wish Paul Newman had written 50 essays for the Nation. This one was exactly right, and funny.
Jacob Freeze
Some background on Newman that many people do not know:
(Source: wikipedia.org)
Newman was born in Shaker Heights, Ohio (a suburb of Cleveland). Graduating from Shaker Heights High School in 1943, he briefly attended Ohio University in Athens, Ohio, where he was initiated into the Phi Kappa Tau fraternity.
Newman served in the Navy in World War II in the Pacific theater. Newman was sent to the Navy V-12 program at Ohio University, with hope of being accepted for pilot training, but this plan was foiled when a flight physical revealed him to be colorblind.
He was sent instead to boot camp and then on to further training as a radioman and gunner. Qualifying as a rear-seat radioman and gunner in torpedo bombers, in 1944, Aviation Radioman Third Class Newman was sent to Barber's Point, Hawaii, and subsequently assigned to Pacific-based replacement torpedo squadrons (VT-98, VT-99, and VT-100).
These torpedo squadrons were responsible primarily for training replacement pilots and combat air crewmen, placing particular importance on carrier landings.
He later flew from aircraft carriers as a tail gunner in the Avenger torpedo bomber. As a radioman/gunner, he served aboard the USS Bunker Hill during the battle for Okinawa in the spring of 1945.
He was ordered to the ship as radioman/gunner in an Avenger with a draft of replacements shortly before the attack, but by a fluke of war was held back because his pilot had an ear infection. The rest of his detail died.
After the war, he completed his degree at Kenyon College in Gambier, Ohio, graduating in 1949.
As usual, you hit the nail on the head, Paul. May you rest in peace, or find another cause in the Great Beyond. Thank you for everything.
Steve and Adrienne
I just read John Nichol's piece "Paul Newman's Politics," and it reminded me of a speech he gave back in the late 70s opposing all nuclear weapons and calling for their destruction. It was a powerful speech and courageous for a Hollywood movie star who depended on the public liking him to take such an unpopular position. Such was his dedication to doing what he could to make the world a better place.
"Paul Newman's Politics": http://www.alternet.org/mediaculture/100666/paul_newman%27s_politics/
Nichol's also wrote that Newman considered his highest honor in life his inclusion on Nixon's 'enemies list.'
I hope we're still making famous men such as Paul Newman, but I haven't seen many around lately.
I tried eating hard-boiled eggs one time, but when I finished about eight I recognized a person/power greater than myself...the Hollywood producer LOL. Thanks, Paul, you'll always have a 'cool hand' with me.