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SAN FRANCISCO - November 14 - The Biotic Baking Brigade (BBB)
generously delivered a cappuccino cream pie to Sierra Club (SC) Executive Director Carl
Pope this morning at the Club's annual Board of Directors meeting in downtown San
Francisco.
Agent Key Lime of the BBB served up this treat to the SC's "cappuccino
environmentalist" president with the announcement, "Hey Carl, this is for
Headwaters," and then vanished from the third floor of the office building without a
trace. Agent Key Lime gently achieved full facial contact, thereby successfully completing
"Operation Carl's Comeuppance."
"Carl Pope's unconscionable behavior has made him the Benedict Arnold of the SC,
betraying the interests of founder John Muir, SC members, and the environment. The BBB
tried and pied Pope for the following crimes:
- using his political influence to save the Headwaters Sellout
Deal from defeat in the California legislature and endorsing the 'Habitat Conservation
Plan' scam;
- supporting the disastrous and unpopular Quincy Library Bill
in the form of a recent legislative rider, a plan which is opposed by every responsible
environmentalist in the nation;
- siding with multinational timber corporation Weyerhaeuser by
supporting fraudulent land swaps in Washington state and Arkansas;
- and most importantly, for accepting multi-million dollar
gifts for the Club while refusing to disclose to the Board who made them and the strings
that may be attached. Where's the money coming from, Carl?
The grassroots environmental movement says, 'Let justice be
served!' " commented Agent Apple of the BBB.
The General Command of the Biotic Baking Brigade -- Ecotopia Cell (GC/BBB--EC) met in
emergency session this morning at Boysenberry Prairie, and issued the following statement:
"In defense of our Headquarters and Secret Ovens here in the heart of the Headwaters
forest, we issued a directive to our agents in the Bay Area to deliver a message to the
Sierra Club's Pope: 'HCP this!' Carl Pope has no business bargaining away wilderness that
he hasn't even been to. We speak pie to power, and send this message to his other
corporate enviro cronies as well." The HCP referred to by the GC/BBB--EC stands for
Habitat Conservation Plan, which some environmentalists and social justice activists claim
represents "Huge Corporate Profits" instead.
"Operation Carl's Comeuppance" concludes the sixth successful BBB mission in the
last five weeks. Previous recipients of the BBB's just desserts include Charles Hurwitz
(CEO, MAXXAM Co., parent company of Pacific Lumber), Milton Friedman (Nobel Laureate
neoliberal economist), Robert Shapiro (CEO, Monsanto Co.), Renato Ruggiero (Director
General, World Trade Organization), San Francisco Supervisor Gavin Newsom, and SF Mayor
Willie Brown.
"The BBB is a movement rather than a group. We have no members, though there is an
underground network of militant bakers who provide us with nothing but the best vegan and
organic pies. The focus of the current pastry 'uprising' is to hold corporate crooks and
their lackeys in government and the non-profit sector accountable. Our track record shows
that unlike them, we don't just promise pie in the sky, we deliver" concluded Agent
Apple.
This action is dedicated to the work and inspiration of a certain musician, who wrote the
following lyrics for a song about Sierra Club founder John Muir: "If he could see the
pollution now, he'd settle for no compromise/It's too bad the Sierra Club waters down his
legacy straightening corporate bigwigs' ties."
"Never doubt that a small and dedicated group of people with pies can change the
world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has."
--Subcommandante Tofutti of the GC/BBB--EC, after Margaret Mead.
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