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Rutgers Student Tyler Clementi's Suicide Spurs Action Across US
Relatively few people knew Tyler Clementi before he jumped to his death off the George Washington Bridge, but the wake from that act is now felt around the world.
RYAN PIFHER/The RecordTyler Clementi performs with the Ridgewood High School Orchestra in April of 2009. Within hours after the Rutgers University freshman's body was
discovered in the Hudson River last week, his name became known around
the world.
MTV stars were lining up to film anti-suicide announcements in his name. Ellen DeGeneres posted a personal tribute to Clementi on her website. Almost every major media outlet in the country devoted time to the story and tens of thousands of people participated in internet memorials to the 18-year-old Ridgewood student.
A bill is already being drafted in New Jersey to stiffen criminal penalties for cyber harassment. Gay rights groups announced a series of New Jersey town hall meetings on Oct. 6 and 7 in Clementi's memory.
Why has the case touched such a nerve?
"Intolerance is growing at the same time cyberspace has given every one of us an almost magical ability to invade other people's lives," said Robert O'Brien, a Rutgers instructor who says he has, by default, become a spokesman for "overwhelmed" lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender students on campus.
No one knows why Clementi, a talented young violinist, took his life, but it came after his roommate, Dharun Ravi, used a webcam to watch Clementi having a sexual encounter with another man in their dorm room, prosecutors said.
Ravi had set up the webcam and was watching with a friend, Molly Wei, in her room in the same dormitory, according to authorities. Both have since been charged with invasion of privacy. Clementi appears to have found out about the webcast afterward and had filed a complaint with the resident assistant, according to comments posted on a website that seemed to be written by the Rutgers student, even though he didn't use his name or name of his school.
He jumped on Sept. 22.
It took a week to find the body.
The memorials in his honor were arranged within hours, ironically, through the same social media used to torment him.
"Tyler is the fourth highly publicized gay teen to kill himself in four weeks and he did it the day after the release of the first major study of college campuses that found homosexual students are most likely to experience blatant oppression and hostility," O'Brien added. "I think many people are finally saying enough is enough."
The Clementi case also occurred on the eve of a series of weeklong events across the country in anticipation of "National Coming Out Day" on Oct. 11.
Another factor, several experts said, is Rutgers University is not a parochial little school in the middle of the Bible Belt. It is a diverse series of campuses in the heart of one of the most cosmopolitan regions in the nation.
"Rutgers is justifiably proud of its history as a very progressive, inclusive school. If things like what happened to Tyler Clementi could happen at Rutgers, then gays aren't going to feel safe on any campus anywhere," said Shane Windmeyer, founder and executive director of Campus Pride, a national nonprofit organization dedicated to creating a safer college environment for LGBT students.
"People worried about LGBT kids in high school, but figured they were safe once they got to college," Windmeyer added. "This is a national wake-up call."
The College Pride study, entitled "The State of Higher Education for LGBT People," surveyed more than 5,000 students, faculty members and administrators at colleges and universities across the country.
Although the study was criticized because it was conducted by a gay organization and the respondents were limited to self-identified non-heterosexuals, it did reinforce earlier, smaller studies. It found gays are vastly more likely to experience discrimination on campus, more likely to drop out because of harassment and much more likely to fear for their physical safety.
"The climate on campus is better than, say, 20 years ago, but it still remains troubling," Windmeyer said. "People say sticks and stones won't break your bones, but there's only so much thick skin you can have."
Growing up in Kansas, Windmeyer, who came out at the University of Kansas in the 1990s, said, "I dreamed of going to a place like Rutgers, where it wasn't a big deal to be gay. I wonder now, though, whether the administration there has been resting on its laurels."
Rutgers gay alumni have been wondering the same thing since the Clementi incident, said William Matthews, spokesman for the gay alumni association, which is recognized on the university website.
"We formed to act as role models for incoming LGBT students, to let them know you can be gay and successful and happy," said Matthews, a senior information scientist at Novo Nordisk in Princeton. "But we should have done more. We should have been mentoring those kids."
On Thursday, the same day Clementi's family confirmed he committed suicide, Rutgers gay alumni posted an online petition to be sent to university President Richard McCormick.
The petition said, in part: "Rutgers University has a long-standing tradition of queer student activism - a tradition that has sustained us and made us proud to call Rutgers our alma mater.
"We call on all members of the Rutgers University community to protect, support, and respect its entire student body and in particularly those who are socially marginalized," continued the petition that has already been signed by 30 alumni, several of whom now teach at universities that include MIT, Temple, Columbia and NYU.
On Friday, McCormick released a statement, which noted: "This tragedy and the events surrounding it have raised critical questions about the climate of our campuses."
Adding that students, alumni and parents have suggested Rutgers is "not fully welcoming and accepting of all students," McCormick said he will meet with student leaders of the LGBT community to identify "areas in which Rutgers can better support the needs of this community."
On the campus itself, there will be a candlelight vigil on the steps of Brower Commons on College Avenue in New Brunswick tonight.
Throughout the dining halls, student centers and dormitories last week, echoes of the same conversations could be heard again and again.
Yes, what Ravi did was wrong, but was it criminal? Why doesn't the university have any "safe place" for students who might feel uncomfortable in their dorm rooms? Did anybody actually know Clementi, who had been at school for barely a month? Did anybody ever think that they might be spied on in their own rooms?
"The saddest thing is that there was help for Tyler, but he probably didn't know where to go," said Aaron Schenkel, 18, a freshman who experienced being different growing up in St. Lucia. "It's just so overwhelming to be a freshman anyway, and for Tyler, it seems like his private life came out in the worst possible way.
"I wish I had known him."
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55 Comments so far
Show AllWhat was done to Tyler Clementi is unspeakably revolting. I consider it a violation of human rights.
Those responsible for this should get at least five years in the can, without parole.
Amerikkka does not merely bully the inhabitants of foreign and far away lands, but also its own citizens and residents (there have now been several recent suicides among students owing to bullying). Of course, that won't prevent the State Department, an expert in hypocrisy, from lecturing Iran and China, and other nations on proper conduct towards one's fellow human beings.
"What was done to Tyler Clementi is unspeakably revolting. I consider it a violation of human rights"
It was a violation. And, since Tyler Clementi was violated in a sexual manner, it should be considered rape.
This is the stupidest comment I have ever seen on Common Dreams. Talk about devaluing an important word (rape).
Clementi's rights were certainly violated, but he was as certainly not raped.
Thanks for the thoughtful and classy reply.
What then would you consider the violation of someone in their most intimate moment? Or simply put, how would you feel had this been done to you? Apparently, Tyler Clementi felt violated enough to take his own life.
I don't think I devalued anything, but am merely pointing out that with a changing world and a technological way to violate people, our lexicon might have to change as well.
But in a very real way it was, this was sexual violation. Perhaps not physical, but really, rape is not merely physical abuse, it's far worse than that. And in every one of those aspects, this was rape.
Appreciate your views.
My view is that we need to look at a changing technology within a changing society and examine what we call things. What is not rape to the casual observer may very well feel like rape to someone who has been violated, and we need to realize this.
You are very right: Rape is not merely physical abuse - it is a violation, something that has been taken (and in Tyler's case, also broadcast for public viewing). Can we just imagine how this might feel, had it happened to us?
So, was is rape, or wasn't it? I guess, that's for society to judge as more cases like this occur.
In a black and white world, you would be correct.
I agree with Ted, this crime falls in the category of rape.
But it is possibly even more inhumane, more violent and more destructive. It goes beyond a violation of the body/spirit by one person to a violation that more than one person participates in. It is an invitation to the entire community to participate in rape.
We are a voyeuristic culture. And voyeurism in the context of ignorance/prejudice is a lethal mix. The person who violated Tyler should be punished for his violent act. But I think every time any of us hear a homophobic comment and fail to challenge it, we are complicit.
This is a tragedy we could have prevented and we need to prevent the next one.
Amerikkka?
Have you any idea at all what happens to gay's in Muslim...Islamic country's? Russia? The Ukraine?...
Jump on over to Iran as a gay and see what happens. This kind of hypocritical double standard is becoming absurd.
Honey, what happens in Muslim theocracies or former Communist dictatorships just shows us what should not happen in the United States. I'm tired of this old argument. I live in the United States. Pardon me if I'm concerned about what happens in my own country.
Here, here! It's the same pervasive argument used by the corporate parties: "Yes, we're bad, but they're worse, so vote for us." "As long as there is a country where gays are killed, it's OK to just harass them. " "Sure, we put you in jail for touching marijuana, but in Iran/China/wherever, they execute you." "Tasering is torture, but at least we're not shooting you." And on and on. I wish we would aspire to being "good", rather than "not as bad".
Where is the double standard?
Did I exonerate Iran or China or any other violator of human rights? Are there any assertions to that effect in my post?
I was talking about Amerikkka, the situation that obtains here, and the self-righteous behavior of its leaders towards other nations.
Lectuting other countries, as the State Department relentlessly does, is just another diversionary tactic meant to make people in this country (such as you) turn away from what is taking place right here at home and to think, as you apparently do, that all is "basically" fine here.
Read before you jerk, and look in your own backyard before you issue advice of good conduct to other peoples!
How is it hypocritical to condemn this kind of behavior in the US just because it is more widespread or worse in Russia or Islamic countries? I don't see anyone arguing that the mistreatment of gays in Russia, the Ukraine or Iran is ok, but peeping on Tyler Clementi is not, so where is the hypocrisy? And does the fact that Arabs are killing gays more openly in Iran make the violation of Tyler Clementi less outrageous or less of a crime? It's wrong over there, and it's wrong here. You seem to be making a relativistic argument that diminishes the violation of Tyler Clementi's privacy. Broadcasting it on the web potentially makes the intrusion of his privacy available for the entire world to see; that's a pretty huge violation of privacy. Just because they stone gay men to death in Islamic countries or there is more open oppression of gays in Russia doesn't mean using a webcam to spy on Tyler is not a crime. Your relativistic argument doesn't make it less of a crime just because gays are more harshly treated somewhere else. How would you feel if someone streamed video of you in your most private moment out into the web for anyone to see? Tell me you would not feel violated.
The anonymous nature (or so it first appears) of computer technology is a double-edged sword, the misuse of which should be condemned and prosecuted to the fullest extent.
How can this discussion degenerate into a question of sex when it is a blatant attack on his civil rights and is his room considered his home, with some restrictions? If his roomy has the same rights; he had a friend and was not in the room at the time and certainly it was premeditated which makes it a violation of his rights. Tony
This is an amazingly fact-free discussion. Nobody yet knows why Tyler committed suicide. All we know is that he did, and that his roomie is a low-life. Not much to go on. Of course, that never stopped a media feeding frenzy, joined enthusiastically by every ax grinder in the world.
One thing you will not see outside of this comment is that Tyler was an individual, not a symbol. He had his own life with all its unique influences. It would be more respectful to leave him to rest in peace than to make him a socio-political football.
"It would be more respectful to leave him to rest in peace than to make him a socio-political football."
Social changes happen when people talk about thing like this.
Nobody will ever know why this young man committed suicide, but this incident certainly seems to have contributed to it. You seem to feel as if society is over-reacting, but have you tried to put yourself in his shoes? If not, give it a try. If so, then you should have some understanding of why people need to work this out.
Tyler is dead and our words will not affect him where he is. The best way to honor him is to figure out a way - together - to get a handle on how technology can work against us and develop a language and norms to deal with it. That's respect.
I agree.
People die. when we gather to pay respects to a person that has died...say in our neighborhoods....don't we hold wakes? this is what it is. at least for people, no matter how distant or unrelated or seemingly merely "onlookers", who, one way or another feel something about and towards the young tragic fellow who died.
the police TALK about him..that is called "an investigation" to see why it happened, how. etc.
why is THAT different from us talking about his death , especially because it was so cruel and unnecessary and tragic to such a person who probably was as his friends said: a kind, shy, sweet , talented man...that happened to have a roommate with such DISRESPECT and DISREGARD for another human being..and thought it was COOL to do what he did.
well,...now -- HE , the girl whose room they used to watch the video, and those that participated and "anticipated" it - LEARNED SOMETHING....the TRAGIC WAY -- through THEIR HANDS. they now know that "COOL" can mean tragedy for someone ELSE. they now know what the Ancient Roman audiences FOUND COOL..watching people die and kill each other and be eaten by ravenous lions...COOOOOOOL....just like american thinks it's COOL to have BIG BOMBS and SHOCK AND AWE and EXPLODING CITIES in IRAQ!! and just like AMERICAN SOLDIERS think it's COOL to spray bullets into civilians for the SPORT of it in countries they have NO BUSINESS PLAYING THEIR GAMES OF DEATH and CONQUEST in.
you see the connections? if people DON'T see the connections -- something is wrong with them...SERIOUSLY, INSANELY, CALLOUSLY wrong.
this is a way for us , or anyone that feels compassion, to not just also join in mourning, as we would for people who "died in 9/11" (which is discussed nationally but often as an EXCUSE for more American Imperialism and Fascism....see the irony?) ...but because it might actually touch us PERSONALLY. as if this was our own brother ..who "just happened to be gay" .
why would it be untoward to discuss it? During wakes...people who pay respects and share with the family...they go and talk and recall and maybe get to "know the deceased" whom they may not have known that well in his life...to learn that he was a good person, or as this matter with Clementi friends saying:
"he was so SWEET..and so shy.".
and there you go:
a young man, with artistic talent that might have been his ONE "safe place" in his world ..where he could pour his heart and soul if no HUMAN would embrace him..., that might have been a GOOD friend to the very people who Destroyed him.
imagine that for a moment..and WHY we are talking about him and what it means to US as human beings and as a society..
should we NOT talk or ever discuss and "move on" concerning, for example, the horrific, cruel, frightening, PROLONGED SUFFERING and LONELINESS as the last days on earth
of that MATHEW SHEPARD many years ago because he made a pass at two boys of his age who actually , knowing his WAS gay or effeminate, INTENTIONALLY and with such cruelty , BAITED HIM in order for THEM to convince THEMSELVES that "their manhood" was being ASSAULTED BY HIM?
i mean -- who was the real demon there? the GAY Mathew, doing what ANY teenager might do , straight or gay, when attracted to someone, especially when being given a "come-on?" and flirtations...OR those boys that TORTURED HIM and left him to die in loneliness and fear , crucified on a cross like that ..and the last things he saw on his dying moments were probably the empty fields, the rising sun..so BEAUTIFUL -- and YET there HE was
SUFFERING TO DIE ALONE like that?
what KIND of society or members of society -- SUPPOSEDLY christian and "compassionate" in that society's "upbringing" does that? and CALLS ITSELF CIVILIZED?
we are not supposed to TALK about these things?
on the contrary -- THESE things ARE the very THINGS WE SHOULD be talking about, just like the causes and consequences of 9/11. Imperial America, "christian america". ..economics, education, etc. etc. etc.
he was a human being, just like any of us. not some cockroach we just step on and forget about it, or because it's too "ewe" to describe the cockroach's insides leaching out...
Well and truly stated.
The poor kid made the mistake of trusting his new roommates, and reasonably expected them to respect him and his privacy. He must have led a relatively sheltered life. I grieve for him.
Clementi naïvely assumed that his fellow freshman wouldn't be so shallow, thoughtless, vicious, and unprincipled as to betray him and violate his trust for the sake of cheap thrills.
There's no evidence that Clementi was victimized BECAUSE he was gay. If it turns out that homophobia was in fact a motivation, that would only be the putrescent icing to a cake of depravity.
Golden goslings or not, Dharun Ravi and his confederates should at least be expelled, and prosecuted criminally or civilly to exact actual punishment.
I'm sure someone will raise a "more to be pitied than censured" defense of these privileged punks-- arguing essentially that "boys will be boys", perhaps with a pop-psychology rationalization to excuse their heinous irresponsibility. I'm not buying it.
I think the perps ought to be confined in electronic fishbowls, like the so-called "Worst of the Worst" occupying Amerika's Bastilles. Their cells ought to be equipped with multiple cameras, without spaces and materials to provide cover and privacy. Except that the video feed ought to be broadcast to all the other inmates, and their jeers and catcalls piped right back into the cell every time the prisoner uses the toilet, or is seen touching his or her naughty bits.
That might inculcate a profound respect for personal privacy.
Needless to say, I've always abhorred non-consensual practical jokes for just this reason. The jokers coerce their victims into being "good sports" willy-nilly, and exalt their own brutal insensitivity into smug self-righteousness. Thus, the person who reacts badly is doubly-victimized for failing to accept victimhood with good grace.
I have no patience with, or sympathy for, those who perpetrate pranks, hazing, and practical jokes blithely or cheerfully; it betrays a pathological absence of empathy, regardless of the perpetrator's (barely) conscious intentions and expectations.
Those who view such things as a legitimate expression of humor, a traditional rite of passage, or a way to break the monotony with a little "fun" need to get in touch with their unconscious sadism.
Obedient Servant:
" Golden goslings or not, Dharun Ravi and his confederates should at least be expelled, and prosecuted criminally or civilly to exact actual punishment."
Yes, exactly. But it should not end here. The Political Correctness on this site in regards to the perpetrators, Ravi Dharun and Molly Wei,is SICK. Simply because they are Indian and Chinese origin does not diminish their vile and effectively muderous assault that they DELIBERATELY and with vicious ill intent they carried out WITHOUT MERCY. But I have no such qualms as I am of South Asian origin. However I was not born or raised in the India or Pakistan. But I know the South West Asian cultures intimately, and I can tell you this. I am sure that Ravi was raised in a fundamentalist,often money worshipping Hindu immigrant home. There is incredible and often HOMICIDAL hatefulness towards LBGT in Indian culture, both Hinduism and Islam. I know it well, I know its expression and reinforcement daily in the entertainment media in India and in the ubiquitous religiousiosity in so called "secular" India (forget Pakistan; it's a lost cause). Just as most indians tend to be rabidly Republican in the extreme, they are also rabidly anti LBGT.
I would place the prejudice against LBGT in India at close to 95% and in Pakistan with its kill first and ask questions later Islamic fundamentalism at 99%. Thus LBGT community in the USA and Canada, who are among the leaders in any anti-discrimination support for minorities, should reassess their sympathy and confine it to Afro-Americans and Latinos. The other browns should be raked over the coals in a court of law to set an example to South Asian bigots that if they want to live in America, they should be the last people to throw boulders at the LBGT community, given they are living in very fragile glass houses themselves. As for Wei, I am not completely sure what Chinese culture says about LBGT, but whatever I have read is not in the least different from South West Asia.
Thus we have here a totally innocent young man Clementi, delicate and trusting, assuming that since his dorm mates are Indian and Chinese, and because he is from a liberal, progressive and caring family which may have taught him (mistakenly it seems)that ethnic students would tolerate him since they might have encountered prejudice themselves. What a waste of a nice young American man, who doesn't look like having harmed a fly, all because of a homophobic Indian kid, likely coming from a homophobic family and culture.
EXACTLY...
I am myself Asian.filipino...I have NO compunction to decry what "fellow asians" such as Ravi and Wei have done , especially being in a society where they ought to know better , by now, than to participate in any kind of bullying, or mockery of someone that they deem "unusual".
how WOULD ravi or wei like it if THEY found themselves someday being mocked or even beaten up BECAUSE they are "of indian and chinese" extraction?
I am glad and grateful you pointed THAT out.
I think one important thing that we are missing is that so far there is no proof that this crime was motivated by hate. I mean the media and the public are speculating that because Mr. Clementi was gay is why these 2 students did such a horrible act. Whose to say they would not have done it Mr. Clementi was having sex with a girl? Even the prosecution is saying at this stage there is no evidence of this being a hate crime. I abhore this crime and think that the people responsible should be prosecuted to the fullest extent (I take inavsion of privacy very seriosuly), but so far to make this an LGBT issue would be premature.
Actually, that is not yet known. The motivation might have been of the most hateful, base type, of bigotry with the intent to destroy a life. For the sake of those that did it, I hope not.
Stupidity is only the best case scenario. Unfortunately, if so, it was lethal stupidity.
I can't believe the willed-naïveté among the above responses.
Of course they planted the camera becasue they at least suspected that he was gay and wanted have some laughs over it. And surely, their total disregard for the guys privacy was at least partly homophobia-inspired; because, the alternative explanation - that violating a persons privacy didn't even occur to them at all when they planted the camera for world-internet broadcast, has even worse implications for the attitudes of todays youth.
I'll always remember a moment in my early teens: I happened to be sitting on the front steps next door one summer evening, chatting with my neighbor, a girl a few years older than me.
Her father, an Archie Bunker-type, was sitting in a lawn chair on the landing above us, reading the newspaper.
A group of five or six black kids, an infrequent sight in our "middle-class" but lily-white neighborhood, rode by at top speed. They were riding "English racers", as we called all "upscale" bikes with gears and handbrakes in those days, and were whooping and hollering with apparent glee as they streaked by.
Mr. "Bunker" looked over the top of his newspaper and said, "I wonder where they stole all those bikes?" My friend-- maybe I should call her "Gloria"-- was upset. "DADDY!" she exclaimed sharply, and went on to tell him what a rotten thing that was to say.
A radicalizing Sixties teen, she fussed at him about the evils of stereotyping and making generalizations, etc. He just smiled and retreated behind his paper.
He didn't have a scintilla of competent evidence to support his assertion. But he couldn't believe his callow daughter's willed-naïveté. He knew what he knew.
Actually it is just one more aspect of a VERY AMERICAN MADE "product"
PRYING INTO EVERYONE"S BUSINESS....
this is a MIRROR IMAGE of Government SPying. Corporate Spying, Corporations WATCHING workers for every "minute paid , and every penny worked"....Computer screen Gamers pushing Buttons in TEXAS shooting civilians or "interesting targets" in Afghanistan or anywhere in the world ....as Trophies in the "WAR Of, BY, and FOR the Empire".
it's all a reflection of America.
accountability. america say. safety, america says,
SPYING , PRYING, that.s what it is.
including sending others to their deaths.
Even if it was not motivated by Hate..the deed is done...and Clementi is dead.
he was driven to great shame at being displayed like that - no differently than any of us, but WORSE in his case, if we were taking a bath and the door was flung open just for laughs - and we see standing at the door the neighbors "invited" by someone.
but in his case - this was deeply personal, it was his most intimate moments about what HE might have thought of as "love" or "affection" or caring. or whatever it is.
it doesn't matter what is the definition of their action or WHY they did that. they used his need for privacy to render him vulnerable and then used THAT to have fun.
is this really different from getting people to join in laughing at someone because she is
"an old lady ...that fell on the street...and can't get up...and her skirt fell down...and she couldn't control her pee...and cried when she hit her head on the pavement?"
let us ask ourselves -- would THAT have been "for laughs?" laughing at someone because he or she is vulnerable?.
what they did is simply cruel and it resulted in his taking his own life.
I guess this sort of thing is pretty widespread. I came in one day to the health club where I work out, to find a sign, "No cell phones in the locker rooms." I asked about it and was told that people were using their phones to clandestinely take nude photos of all of us old farts as we changed clothes, sending them to their friends for laughs.
It says so much about our culture and about human proclivities that people do and say things anonymously that they would never do or say face-to-face (for obvious health reasons).
Anonymity is a huge problem and modern technology just fosters this kind of clandestine cowardice.
We need to be able to deal with this kind of thing and we need to feel free to talk about it. Posting signs is one thing, but we need to ask why we feel so much need to hurt others in such a way.
If you are mortally ashamed of being known as a homosexual, to the point of suicide, then perhaps you should refrain from engaging in homosexual activity until you are mature enough to face the unfortunate consequences of US moral puritanism.
As to the junior closet queens who got their jollies videotaping and exposing him, they should be jailed for THEIR crimes, but not for the kids suicidal reaction.
How do you know Clementi was "mortally ashamed of being known as a homosexual" and not just mortally ashamed of seeing private live images of him naked, having sex in his own bedroom broadcast for the entire world wide web to watch? That would be horrendous for anyone, gay or straight.
You seem to know or care very little about sexual nature and/or urges and your post smacks of the let's blaming the victim mentality.
has anyone considered the possibility that this bright young man may have had issues with depression and self-worth? what if he was taped having sex with a woman and it was broadcast publicly? would that have pushed him over the edge?
it's a terrible tradgedy and my heart goes out to his family and friends while the whole impersonal saga is played out in the national spotlight...
why is it that this talented person was unable to see past a very embarrassing incident to his bright and rewarding future? it seems that people are jumping to the conclusion that the issue is his sexuality...is it? how can anyone know?
i think the larger issue is about society's lack of respect for peoples' privacy and technology getting in the way of decency...an immature act by tyler's 'friends' that ended in tragedy...how very sash indeed...
I tried to gather a little more information from different sources about this tragic matter....tragic for both Mister Clementi and the perpetrators of what can only be said at best is invasion of his privacy, and at the least on the bad side, mocking him for whatever he wanted to do or be.
what I understand is this:
Clementi - after learning that he was "displayed" without his consent...made a COMPLAINT to the university (reports and links show that he contacted the office, which he refered to in a diary online) and then just before his death contemplated on the incident...and that his words amounted to something like this:
"why did they do that? I believe that in these things, MATTERS OF INTIMACY should be PRIVATE ...and between two people who consent ...I don't believe that people should be kissing or displaying these things in public .."
in other words, there was nothing in his thoughts or comments that reflect on his TRYING to "hide the homosexuality" that was supposedly a point of mockery to be displayed by the roommate.
what he was concerned about -- and ASKED HIS ROOMMATE FOR PRIVACY --
WAS privacy in "these intimate moments...they are between the two people".
ISN"T THAT what the "normal world" does and expects?
imo. THAT was all clementi ASKED - he neither asked for privacy because of a homosexual encounter or otherwise..and very likely the roommate sensed or already knew or even probably SAW the "man" going to the room , whatever....nor displayed any comment in that he was trying to hide his homosexuality itself...just that
WHOMEVER he was going to be WITH -- he wanted privacy...no different than if WE want to go "by ourselves" TO THE BATHROOM to take a pee!!!
therefore -- it is irrelevant , on one side, that he was "deprivatized" and displayed - despite his having asked for privacy, because of his homosexuality (assumed) -- simply that , were he a woman with a woman, or woman with a man, or man with woman, or man with man...HIS PRIVACY was displayed..exactly AGAINST what HE BELIEVED "about people in intimacy" ..homosexual or straight encounter.
clearly -- if clementi expressed that thought about INTIMACY "should be private" (that IS why it is intimacy) - if clementi's roommate one day asked for privacy to have sex with his girlfriend...we can assume Clementi would understand entirely...and then "stay out of the way"
do his studying for the night in the library or in the hallway.
INSTEAD -- this roommate of clementi's -- TAPED HIM and invited the world to watch a "display".
what else is THAT - if not "intrusion" into someone's intimacies, even socially a form of rape, in which those that watched participated in the "barr00m gang rape"
like that we saw in the Jodie Foster Movie many years ago.
it showed CRUELTY from a group of people towards someone..and VERY likely it was triggered by Clementi's ASKING for privacy...so they , instead of giving him what he requested: privacy:
VIOLATED IT.
did they do so BECAUSE they "sensed" he was gay? or because he simply asked for privacy? would they have RESPECTED IT if they NEVER FOR A MOMENT "suspected" he was gay? and it was just another "heterosexual encounter" -- so NORMAL , so banal ....yaaaaaa
he's a MAN alright!!! he'll TELL US the story LATER!!
imo...every sign shows that the roommate was known to have expressed a SUSPICION (i think they said it was in his own words, well before that incident) that clementi was gay..
and if so, if he violated clementi's privacy- triggered by his asking for it, giving the roommate the OPPORTUNITY and MOTIVE to WATCH and BROADCAST --
what was it then?
OPPORTUNITY - "asking for privacy"
MOTIVE - suspicion of being gay, therefore DISPLAY his "gayness", in order to humiliate or make fun of "my gay roommate".
THAT is what it would amount to.,
and makes it TWICE as cruel...for violating someone's privacy and then violating it BECAUSE of being gay.
I feel so sad for Mister Clementi and others close to his heart that cared about HIM. his family, friends, maybe even his lover.
I also feel sad for what the two perpetrators made of THEMSELVES..as well as the honor of their own families and friends.
they did no one a favor, for sure. instead they initiated something they should never have ..pry into someone's private affairs or love life who - as far as we know, never hurt them, one way or another..but only wanted to live his life...and we can even say...."looking for love"...and perhaps having found it.
and then --- it was destroyed by a few people.
THAT is cruelty.
what is IRONIC is this:
general society , especially in a "sex-obsessed" culture that is also OBSESSED with what people DO IN THEIR PRIVACIES (for example: these "reality shows", or the religious , conservative concern about what people DO in their bedrooms) , often says that "homosexuals should NOT DISPLAY THEIR HOMOSEXUALITY in public. it is so disgusting..."
homosexuals are supposed to NOT be like "normal people" -- who HOLD HANDS in public, kiss, even MAKE OUT, DISPLAY their "completeness" with their CHILDREN as PROOF of their "normality"....
homosexuals are supposed to "BE OUT OF SIGHT, OUT OF MIND...DON"T PUSH YOUR AGENDA on society"..........
and YET _- a homosexual - ASKING for privacy was DISPLAYED!! and "normal society" WATCHED. \
WHO was the PERVERT?
Clementi or the "normals?"
there was an HBO short series of short films a few years ago.
It included in 3 different short stories actresses like Sharon Stone and the great Vanessa Redgrave. they were about Lesbians...i think titled:
"IF THESE WALLS COULD TALK"
about how they , having existed and lived as respectably as they could in "normal" society - did not flaunt themselves... just wanted to have their happiness.
the most moving of them was the one where Vanessa starred.
their partnership with her loved one was a very long one in a "good neighborhood". they were each successful in their professions..and they built a good life together, not bothering anyone..and her partner particularly was so kind to birds, building a tree house, etc...and growing flowers...and then her partner died. THEN the horror started for the "widow" vanessa.
long-lost relatives who the partner never even knew that much - appeared...claimed everything, rigths to the body, rights to VISIT the dead body, RIGHTS to the burial..etc. and THEN RIGHTS to the HOUSE and ALL the belonging they both built.
and vanessa couldn't do a thing. she HAD NO RIGHTS whatsoever. and was offered...an insult on top of the injury....
"you can stay her for a few months until we find a BUYER...oooo look at that PAINTING...ooooooooo these CABINETS are REALLY going to fetch a GOOD price in antiques...."
etc...
EACH of those belongings having ALL the MEANING of their LOVE and LIFE together.
ALL OF THEM removed from her....
and she couldn't even MOURN openly..and she couldn't even be permitted to ATTEND the funeral..nor even to DRESS the body herself.
all she could do was cry silently. and most heartrending of all? as the "relatives" were admiring all the belongings and making their lists and planning on how to sell them or how some statues would look great in their house back home...vanessa was crying silently in the bedroom..still trying to wrap her mind around these earthshattering turn of events....ON TOP of HAVING LOST her loved one....and the little girl daughter of the relatives came in -- and was holding a doll she liked -- which was so SPECIAL to both vanessa and her partner....and was showing it off like a trophy she'll have in her bedroom...
and it was the most precious of all their belongings.
and vanessa "gave" it to her--- not that she had any choice. to make the little girl feel good that she had something from her dead "grand aunt".
and the girl asked:
"you must have known her a lot?"
Vanessa, in her bitterness, fear in loneliness, great sadness and loss...could only say:
"yes -- you never knew the LOVE she gave...how GREAT it was and how she loved everything around her...the birds, the flowers...I wish you could have known what a KIND, GENTLE and LOVING person she was".
IS THAT a good society that does that to people because they are homosexual?
which one is more DANGEROUS -- the "perverted homos" or NORMAL society and its "uprightness" and hypocrisies that FORCE such young people as Mister Clementi to HIDE their love and HIDE the fact that - even as homosexuals they ACTUALLY FEEL LOVE for someone?
NO differently than we would feel love for our dog, our father, our boyfriend or girlfriend..our children...but just the same
it is LOVE -- with all of its accompanying "feelings" , physical attractions , commitments, worries, jealousies. etc.?
"Ravi had set up the webcam and was watching with a friend, Molly Wei, in her room in the same dormitory, according to authorities. Both have since been charged with invasion of privacy. Clementi appears to have found out about the webcast afterward and had filed a complaint with the resident assistant, according to comments posted on a website that seemed to be written by the Rutgers student, even though he didn't use his name or name of his school.
He jumped on Sept. 22.
It took a week to find the body."
What's the matter with some of you HUMANS? this was murder.... what they did, caused someone's death... a young lad, talented.. full of joy and amazement - going to University!... Manslaughter doesn't even cut it..
Rape? Don't be ridiculous!!! This is WORSE THAN RAPE.. my God... it destroyed a young man... IT KILLED him....It killed all the joy.. it killed his spirit.
'Revi' and 'Molly Wei' - you are unfit to be left around, poisoning other minds.
~sc
'bonepeople October 3rd, 2010 3:25 pm
This is the stupidest comment I have ever seen on Common Dreams. Talk about devaluing an important word (rape).
Clementi's rights were certainly violated, but he was as certainly not raped.'
No, of course he was not raped... there wouldn't be all this horror, had he been raped...
Tyler, is dead.
~sc
what does it matter what the meaning of "rape" is - whether in this case or not?
HE IS DEAD. his FAMILY and friends lost a SON and a friend.
it reminds of the saying by Mahatma Gandhi: \
"what does it matter that old people, children, women , men die and suffer - from bombs or airplanes or swords or the atomic bomb ....what does it matter that they die and suffer in the name of Socialism or Dictatorships or the Holy Name of Democracy? they are still DEAD".
"mujeriego October 3rd, 2010 6:02 pm
If you are mortally ashamed of being known as a homosexual, to the point of suicide,"
Why was this lad 'mortally ashamed' of being known as a homosexual? What caused this shame - WHO caused it.... ?
Whoever did, is responsible too, for this boy's death,
and the fear and hurt and suicide of others who are mistreated by the vicious amongst us.
~sc
My personal feeling, based on observations over the last 30+ years, is that anti-gay bullying has gotten worse in recent years. There may be more out celebrities, but that also means much of the public feels more aware of gay people than they're comfortable with and the agitation engendered creates more hostility. I never would have thought as a teenager back in the 70s that the way we used the word "gay" as 12-year-olds, as an insult, would be commonly used even by adults in the year 2010: "You're so gay. That's so gay. Don't be gay." I've been told those expressions are trivial, harmless, but they're not. They're commonness now is an expression of the discomfort and irritation many people feel about gay people, and it results in acts like this. And yes, I am saying that expressions like "That's so gay" and "You're so gay" lead directly to gay people being bullied and killing themselves.
Also, this has nothing to do with computers or technology or "cyber-" anything. It is about familiar old-fashioned bullying. It was stupid the way this article made it seem like technology had changed everything: "Ironically, the same websites used to expose the boy were being used to organize memorials." What stupid, shallow, pointless writing, trying as always to get the reader to focus on unimportant things rather than the important content of the story. Oh, isn't technology the fulcrum of everything, what our world revolves around, what makes life worth living!! (swoon)
Suicides Put Light on Pressures of Gay Teenagers
By JESSE McKINLEY
Published: October 3, 2010
FRESNO, Calif. — When Seth Walsh was in the sixth grade, he turned to his mother one day and told her he had something to say.
Enlarge This Image
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“I was folding clothes, and he said, ‘Mom, I’m gay,’ ” said Wendy Walsh, a hairstylist and single mother of four. “I said, ‘O.K., sweetheart, I love you no matter what.’ ”
But last month, Seth went into the backyard of his home in the desert town of Tehachapi, Calif., and hanged himself, apparently unable to bear a relentless barrage of taunting, bullying and other abuse at the hands of his peers. After a little more than a week on life support, he died last Tuesday. He was 13.
The case of Tyler Clementi, the Rutgers University freshman who jumped off the George Washington Bridge after a sexual encounter with another man was broadcast online, has shocked many. But his death is just one of several suicides in recent weeks by young gay teenagers who had been harassed by classmates, both in person and online.
The list includes Billy Lucas, a 15-year-old from Greensburg, Ind., who hanged himself on Sept. 9 after what classmates reportedly called a constant stream of invective against him at school.
Less than two weeks later, Asher Brown, a 13-year-old from the Houston suburbs, shot himself after coming out. He, too, had reported being taunted at his middle school, according to The Houston Chronicle. His family has blamed school officials as failing to take action after they complained, something the school district has denied.
The deaths have set off an impassioned — and sometimes angry — response from gay activists and caught the attention of federal officials, including Secretary of Education Arne Duncan, who on Friday called the suicides “unnecessary tragedies” brought on by “the trauma of being bullied.”
“This is a moment where every one of us — parents, teachers, students, elected officials and all people of conscience — needs to stand up and speak out against intolerance in all its forms,” Mr. Duncan said.
And while suicide by gay teenagers has long been a troubling trend, experts say the stress can be even worse in rural places, where a lack of gay support services — or even openly gay people — can cause a sense of isolation to become unbearable.
“If you’re in the small community, the pressure is hard enough,” said Eliza Byard, executive director of the Gay, Lesbian, and Straight Education Network, which is based in New York. “And goodness knows people get enough signals about ‘how wrong it is to be gay’ without anyone in those communities actually having to say so.”
New York Times article continued
==============
According to a recent survey conducted by Ms. Byard’s group, nearly 9 of 10 gay, lesbian, transgender or bisexual middle and high school students suffered physical or verbal harassment in 2009, ranging from taunts to outright beatings.
In Mr. Clementi’s case, prosecutors in New Jersey have charged two fellow Rutgers freshmen with invasion of privacy and are looking at the death as a possible hate crime. Prosecutors in Cypress, Tex., where Asher Brown died, said Friday that they would investigate what led to his suicide.
In a pair of blog postings last week, Dan Savage, a sex columnist based in Seattle, assigns the blame to negligent teachers and school administrators, bullying classmates and “hate groups that warp some young minds and torment others.”
“There are accomplices out there,” he wrote Saturday.
In an interview, Mr. Savage, who is gay, said he was particularly irate at religious leaders who used “antigay rhetoric.”
“The problem is that kids are being exposed to this rhetoric, and then they go to the school and there’s this gay kid,” he said. “And how are they going to treat this gay kid who they’ve been told is trying to destroy their family? They’re going to abuse him.”
In late September, Mr. Savage began a project on YouTube called “It Gets Better,” featuring gay adults talking about their experiences with harassment as adolescents.
In one video, a gay man named Cyrus tells of his life as a closeted teenager in a small town in upstate New York.
“The main thing I wanted to come across from this video is how different my life is, how great my life is, and how happy I am in general,” he says.
Glennda Testone, the executive director of the Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual & Transgender Community Center in New York City, said their youth programs serve about 50 young people a day, often suffering from “bullying, harassment or even violence.”
“The three main groups of pivotal figures are family, friends and their schoolmates,” she said. “And if they’re feeling isolated and like they can’t tell those people, it’s going to be a very rough ride.”
Here in Fresno, in California’s conservative Central Valley, groups like Equality California have been more active in trying to establish outreach offices, particularly after an election defeat in 2008, when California voters approved Proposition 8, which banned same-sex marriage.
In Tehachapi, in Kern County south of here, more than 500 mourners attended a memorial on Friday for Seth Walsh. One of those, Jamie Elaine Phillips, a classmate and friend, said Seth had long known he was gay and had been teased for years.
“But this year it got much worse,” Jamie said. “People would say, ‘You should kill yourself,’ ‘You should go away,’ ‘You’re gay, who cares about you?’ ”
Richard L. Swanson, superintendent of the local school district, said his staff had conducted quarterly assemblies on behavior, taught tolerance in the classroom and had “definite discipline procedures that respond to bullying.”
“But these things didn’t prevent Seth’s tragedy,” he said in an e-mail. “Maybe they couldn’t have.”
For her part, Ms. Walsh said she had complained about Seth’s being picked on but did not want to cast blame, though she hoped his death would teach people “not to discriminate, not be prejudiced.”
“I truly hope,” she said, “that people understand that.”
Ian Lovett contributed reporting from Tehachapi, Calif.
right to personal privacy is paramount to the integrity of the human condition...
rape? no...certainly, voyeurism...with the potential to record and distribute, however...
spying on other people is wrong...didn't anybody teach you that?
of course, it becomes hard to argue you shouldn't view someone remotely, without their knowledge or consent, while we're currently killing other people the very same way...
mind your own business...
if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all...
(Thumper's mom in Bambi)
if only our society provided a meaningful life direction for anyone, instead of leaving us all to wallow in our jobs and money-garbage, with no goal but, what? competition?
"if only our society provided a meaningful life direction for anyone, instead of leaving us all to wallow in our jobs and money-garbage, with no goal but, what? competition?"
You're exactly right, dubet, that's the crux.
Why do so many of us take pleasure in being 'above' other people?
Why does it provide comfort to know that there are others in worse shape than ourselves?
Why are we so tribal that we deny basc human rights to those who are differnt from our tribe of origin?
I'm afraid that the answer to the problem, when cooked down to its' essence, is the selfishness of the few, who limit the progress of the many.
As John Lennon said "Imagine..."
These days you can't even use a public restroom without worrying about some freak having installed a spy camera somewhere.
If the what happened to ESPN anchorwoman Erin Andrews didn't wake people up, perhaps this will. Sadly, someone had to die.
.
.
.
In an envelope marked
..... =Personal=
God has written me a letter.
In an envelope marked
..... =Personal=
I have given my answer.
.
.
....Langston Hughes
.....(a gay poet)
.
.
.
PRESCIENCE
I grieve to think of you alone
That first night when I am gone:
How darkness will assault your breath
And mind with frightening thoughts of death;
How inescapable the stress
Of that strange new emptiness;
How dawn such as you've never seen
Will streak its gray and yellow-green;
How shadows in a drifting pall
Will shift across this friendly wall!
I grieve that I shall not be there
To talk with you in your despair--
To reassure you in a glance
Mastery of the circumstance,
Speaking a language coded to
The key that I have given you;
Whispering low some silly word
That but our rooms and we have heard--
Nomenclature which should confound
The horror of the underground!
I'd sit a little while and speak
With my lips moving on your cheek
To help you face the awful dread
Of watching by your newly dead . . !
Oh, that somehow I might contrive
My first night dead to be alive. . !
-- Donald Jeffrey Hayes
Harlem Renaissance Poet
New Jersey State Vocational
Rehabilitation Counselor
Below are from a blog by a girl who posted clementi's posts, seeking advice in another website.-- and Tyler Clementi's thoughts and communication about what he learned of being spied upon:
============================
============================
http://blogs.forbes.com/kashmirhill/2010/09/30/tyler-clementi-turned-to-a-gay-message-forum-for-help-before-his-suicide/
ep. 30 2010 - 10:03 am | 21,098 views | 0 recommendations | 17 comments
Tyler Clementi Turned To A Gay Message Forum For Help Before His Suicide
===========================
Post on JustUsBoys.com
It’s a tragic technological story heard round the world — a college freshman’s Webcam spying leading to a suicidal jump from the George Washington Bridge. Dharun Ravi, a freshman at Rutgers University, used his Macbook to stream video of his gay roommate having “a sexual encounter” in their room on September 19. The roommate, Tyler Clementi, did not know that he was being watched or taped. Sadly, he apparently did not notice the green light on Ravi’s laptop camera turn on when Ravi activated it from another computer in friend Molly Wei’s room across the hall.
Ravi invited other friends to watch the stream on iChat, and planned a second viewing on September 21st when Clementi again indicated he’d like the room to himself for a few hours, tweeting that day, “Anyone with iChat, I dare you to video chat me between the hours of 9:30 and 12. Yes it’s happening again.” It appears from a gay message forum that Clementi was already on to his roommate by that time.
The New Jersey police have charged Ravi (and Wei) with criminal invasion of privacy, which carries a maximum sentence of five years in prison according to the New York Times, and a possible $30,000 fine according to the New Jersey criminal code. As my colleague Andy Greenberg points out, some of the same technologies that facilitated Ravi’s invasion of Clementi’s privacy will now help prove his guilt in the case — Ravi’s Twitter feed. Ravi deleted it, but police can get it from Twitter, or Google cache, or one of the Twitter tracking sites like Topsy. As I’ve said before, deletion on the Internet is futile.
Clementi also has a digital trail on the Internet, and it appears that he knew his roommate had filmed him after the first September 19th incident.
A month-old tweet from Ravi indicates he discovered his roommate’s sexuality based on comments Clementi made on a gay message forum. Ravi tweeted on August 22, “Found out my roommate is gay,” and linked to a post he said was Clementi’s on JustUsBoys. It’s the same forum that Clementi appears to have turned to after discovering he’d been spied on. As Gawker noted, a user on the forum by the name of “cit2mo” posted a thread “college roommate spying…..” on September 21 at 7:22 a.m.
Tyler Clementi: "so the other night i had a guy over. I had talked to my roommate that afternoon and he had said it would be fine w/him. I checked his twitter today. he tweeted that I was using the room (which is obnoxious enough), AND that he went into somebody else’s room and remotely turned on his webcam and saw me making out with a guy. given the angle of the webcam I can be confident that that was all he could have seen.
so my question is what next?
I could just be more careful next time…make sure to turn the cam away…
buttt…
I’m kinda pissed at him (rightfully so I think, no?)
and idk…if I could…it would be nice to get him in trouble
but idk if I have enough to get him in trouble, i mean…he never saw anything pornographic…he never recorded anything…
I feel like the only thing the school might do is find me another roommate, probably with me moving out…and i’d probably just end up with somebody worse than him….I mean aside from being an asshole from time to time, he’s a pretty decent roommate…
the other thing is I that don’t wanna report him and then end up with nothing happening except him getting pissed at me…."
Clementi words -- continued
==================
Other users advised him to report it to the school and make sure his roommate’s computer was closed during future encounters. Cit2mo replied:
Tyler Clementi: "I feel like it was 'look at what a fag my roommate is' –other people have commented on his profile with things like “how did you manage to go back in there?” “are you ok?”
and the fact that the people he was with saw my making out with a guy as the scandal whereas i mean come on…he was SPYING ON ME….do they see nothing wrong with this?
unsettling to say the least….
so I decided to fill out the room change request form….its not guaranteed that you get a change…and i don’t have to switch if I change my mind or work things out over the next week (they won’t start filling requests until next week)…but I figure I might as well as see what they can offer me…."
More users advised him of the illegality of this video voyeurism. A famous case of this, of course, is that of Erin Andrews. The man who made peephole videos of her undressing was ultimately sentenced to 30 months in prison. Cit2mo responds:
'oh yah, on the school website it says recording people where there is an expectation of privacy (bathroom bedroom etc) without the consent of everyone involved could….COULD…..result in being expelled'
Tyler Clementi: "the only things is…there are too many ‘could’s ….the fact that he didn’t ACTUALLY record me (to my knowledge) and the fact that the school really prolly won’t do much of anything….
but anyway, i’ll be talking to my RA later today for sure…..
and yah, revenge never ends well for me, as much as I would love to pour pink paint all over his stuff…..that would just let him win….."
Cit2mo did end up going to the RA after Ravi’s tweet on September 21st:
Tyler Clementi: "so I wanted to have the guy over again.
I texted roomie around 7 asking for the room later tonight and he said it was fine.
when I got back to the room I instantly noticed he had turned the webcam toward my bed. And he had posted online again….saying….”anyone want a free show just video chat me tonight”…or something similar to that….
soooo after that…..
I ran to the nearest RA and set this thing in motion…..
we’ll see what happens……
I haven’t even seen my roommate since sunday when i was asking for the room the first time…and him doing it again just set me off….so talking to him just didn’t seem like an option….
meanwhile I turned off and unplugged his computer, went crazy looking for other hidden cams….and then had a great time."
Cit2mo’s last posting to the site on the morning of September 22nd indicates that he emailed an RA a paragraph about what had happened. Though he seemed calm and collected in his postings to JustUsBoys, that night, he posted “Jumping off the gw bridge sorry” to his Facebook, and committed suicide.
These digital trails may answer questions that could not be answered otherwise. A big question now is why Clementi’s resident advisor did not get Clementi moved out of that room immediately.
In addition to the criminal charges arising from this, there will be civil lawsuits. Rutgers University may find itself the target of a civil lawsuit. And Clementi’s family and perhaps Clementi’s unnamed romantic partner of September 19 will surely sue Ravi, and perhaps Wei, for invasion of privacy. In a similar case in Kansas, a man was ordered to pay $55,000 after distributing naked photos of his ex-girlfriend via email. The claims were invasion of privacy and infliction of severe emotional distress.
Another case that comes to mind involving Webcam spying and schools is the famous case out of Philadelphia, where a high school handed out laptops and then activated cameras remotely without informing the students using them. In that case, prosecutors dropped the criminal charges, finding no criminal intent in the “spying.” Ravi will not likely be so lucky.