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More People in Love Than Previously Thought
Though it is widely held that romance and sex must ultimately yield to friendly companionship over time, new research found that's not the case. Instead about 13 percent of people reported high levels of romance in their long-term relationships, in a new study published in the March issue of the journal Review of General Psychology.
A couple kiss each other on Juliet's balcony in Verona, northern Italy, Friday March 13, 2009. The House of Juliet - where, legend has it, Romeo wooed the young maiden under her balcony - will soon be used as a venue for weddings. The idea is part of a campaign by Verona, where William Shakespeare set his tale of star-crossed lovers, to foster its image as a romantic city. The tab for getting married at the House of Juliet ranges from
(AP Photo/Claudio Martinelli) Researchers analyzed data from surveys of more than 6,000 people, including some in newly-formed pairs and many in marriages of more than 20 years. The scientists found that a surprisingly high number of people were still very much in love with their long-term partners, though the researchers drew a distinction between romantic love, which can endure, and passionate or obsessive love, which often fades after the beginning of a relationship.
"I think generally, in the literature, love has been measured as passionate love, so I think that's one reason for this widely-held assumption that love had to fade in relationships," said Bianca Acevedo, a postdoctoral researcher at the University of California, Santa Barbara, who authored the study while she was a graduate student at Stony Brook University. "The obsessive component is generally combined with the romantic component. Thought of that way, it looks like it's diminishing, but if you assess the romantic love differently than the obsessive component, it happens for a greater proportion than what was generally thought."
Romantic love has the same intensity, engagement and sexual chemistry as passionate love has, but without the obsession, Acevedo said. Passionate love, on the other hand, includes feelings of uncertainty and anxiety.
The new findings could help inspire couples to strive for better relationships, rather than resigning themselves to the inevitability of falling out of love, Acevedo said.
"Being in the mindset that [long-term romance] is probably not something to shoot for might be discouraging to some people," she told LiveScience. "They might think, 'This is probably as good as it gets.' I think it's important for people to at least know that it could be attainable."
What's the trick?
Acevedo and her advisor Arthur Aron are interested in finding out how some couples manage to keep the romance alive. So far, research indicates that it often has to do with pure hard work.
"These people are often very relationship focused," Acevedo said. "Their relationship is something that is very central to their lives, something they spend time on, work on, really care about. They seem to resolve conflicts relatively efficiently and smoothly."
Aron's previous studies suggest that couples who want to give romance a boost can benefit from doing new and challenging activities together. These novel experiences stimulate brains to create the neurochemicals dopamine and norepinephrine, which are also created during the early, exhilarating stages of romantic love.
Evolutionary benefits of love
Researchers debate whether people are really meant to stay in love throughout their lives. Helen Fisher, a professor at Rutgers University in New Jersey, has suggested that passionate love is maladaptive if it lasts too long.
"When people are in the early stages of romantic love, it's very hard for them to focus on other things," Acevedo explained. "They are constantly thinking about the other person. They have a lot of energy; they can stay up all night talking to each other. This can be very metabolically costly, and it's not efficient when it comes to work and relationships. I think this fits in well with the idea that the obsession component has to fade. It's unsustainable to be like that over the years while raising children and having jobs."
However, a certain level of love is beneficial, she said. Having a partner who increases your happiness and comfort is certainly a healthy thing, and being able to trust and rely on someone in difficult situations can improve a person's success in life.
Medical research has demonstrated the physical benefits of loving relationships. People who report being in positive relationships have been shown to be healthier, less stressed, and to have stronger immune systems. And some studies even suggest happily married people live longer than their single counterparts.
34 Comments so far
Show AllOne of my favorite pieces of writing:"...neither be cynical about love, for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is perennial as the grass."
One of my favorite movies: "What you are in love with is the anticipation of the emotions to which you are addicted."
Quoting the Desiderata? Desired things are frequently not delivered and most of the planet is covered with salt water or desert. A bit hard on grass.
"Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness."
A better quote. Loneliness is far more likely than love and one should learn to expect it.
Quoth the Raven, Nevermore.
The word used is perennial, not prolific. A thing can be perennial even if it grows in only one place on the planet.
Loneliness is indeed more common than love, even though they are not opposites.
Loneliness is a more common condition among people who are always with others than among people who prefer solitude. It is, moreover, an element of love, just as doubt is an element of faith. The pain and longing of the lover even while holding the beloved, is the knowledge that the two can never be truly one, that she will always be separate.
This leads to the psychology of religion.
"about 13 percent of people reported high levels of romance in their long-term relationships"
That leaves the other 87 percent of the people stuck with no partner or in relationship that are business deals. Romance is a crock; people should understand that they are negotiating for services rendered and deal with it. If romance happens, great, but don't expect it.
"That leaves the other 87 percent of the people stuck with no partner or in relationship that are business deals"
No it doesn't.
the quote,
"about 13 percent of people reported HIGH levels of romance in their long-term relationships"
Just because the other 87 percent do not report HIGH levels of romance, it does not mean that they report ZERO levels of romance.
I agree.
Joe
13% sounds high from my experience from people I know.
what a nice article to wake up to. Where I think we make a mistake is to see romantic love as the only type of fulfilling love. we can be "in love" all the time if we choose to. In love with humanity, nature, the universe...whatever.
Pangolin and Nietzsche...while I agree that most relationships are some sort of bargain or exchange of emotional addictions, we can choose to live beyond those arrangements. Most relationships seem more like ownerships, not genuine appreciation of another, a chance to dance with the masculine or feminine. Its just a choice and it should be no surprise that while we are swimming deep in late capitalism, many relationships are more akin to a market transaction.
Real love is expansion, whether romantic or not. Most of what we see is attachment.
hmmm, but they forgot that in order to forge good relationships you have to have a high economic status, and in this capitalist-system of low wages, unemployment, hell, pain and suffering for the majority of people, it is almost impossible to even think about love. I don't believe in statistics, the last thing somebody wants to think about is love, in this world where people are facing hunger and starvation.
"Love in a hut is ... ashes and dust" said Keats. But I think sometimes love survives. Perhaps not so much romantic love, but devoted love, yes. The love of people who take care of their children despite everything is huge.
Joe
I think as time goes on people are realizing what love is and more are falling for it!
I think it was Foreigner's Lou Gramm who once crooned: "I want to know what love is . . . I want you to show me . . ."
Sorry. Couldn't help it.
Thank you CD for finally posting something cheerful and upbeat. Its been a while but we all appreciate something happy on occasion! Oddly enough its posted between the Iraq and Afghan war articles.
This is an interesting article... It raises interesting questions...
Science is like religion, a language system of projection, the hypothesis says more about the scientist than it does about the subject... and I find that some scientists make absurd claims based on decontextualized cultural and physiological phenomena as "proof" or a "trend" or define a pathology... And limiting their scope to observable, quantifyable data, the very questions and intentions of the study or experiment tends to be subjective & materialistic...
In attempting to differentiate enduring romantic love from "obsession" in the Honeymoon phase of the relationship is an unnecessary dichotomy, for intensity of love matures with it's seasons and cycles as folks share time and place and experiences...
From a sociological perspective they explain love demures because it is unsustainable with work or children...
How is this calibrated?.... I know people who are more in love thirty years later than on the day that they met...
Love is vibration, an exchange of energy in time and space, love is eternal and in everything everywhere...
Love is the dust and the sunlight and the wind and the dancer and the song...
I agree. Some things fit into the realm of scientific study. We need a lot more science to study energy, health, ecology and so on.
For other things, like love of all kinds and like why are we here and like what matters, science cannot even frame the questions. To study such things using scientific methods is usually to pre-distort and over-quantify the phenomema to a point where it bears little resemblence to what we are trying to understand. After being married for 35 years, I would have a hard time sorting out the closenesses - what is romantic, what comes from a long history together, what comes from mutual concerns, what comes from depending on each other and helping each other to be the best we can be.
That's why poetry, music, literature, dancing and, for some, religion are found in every human society. We need more fluid ways to process and express emotions and to develop the unspoken values that can underly science.
So much of the science we see reported on this site has an underlying but unspoken value assumption that protecting human life is a worthwhile goal, for instance. That is not an assumption that science can prove or disprove. Other science, like say Monsanto's, has an underlying assumption that corporate profits are the goal. Other, like the Nazi experiments, assume data and facts are the goal.
Joe
"So much of the science we see reported on this site has an underlying but unspoken value assumption that protecting human life is a worthwhile goal, for instance. That is not an assumption that science can prove or disprove. Other science, like say Monsanto's, has an underlying assumption that corporate profits are the goal. Other, like the Nazi experiments, assume data and facts are the goal."
IMO, you're mistakenly confusing the science with the goal. The tool, with the craftsman.
So what about the 50+ % divorce rate in America? This article was referring to a couple in Italy. As psychology has shown, romantic love doesn't necessarily save a marriage. In fact, getting a bit too romantic can destroy a relationship or even a marriage.
Peter Pike, it's been shown that most couples get divorced for financial reasons. Imagine if we cancelled all the debt, enacted a living wage along with USP. Couples who aren't struggling economically tend to be happier together and stay together. It's ironic how conservatives bitch about family values when it's their policies that are wrecking homes.
"it's been shown that most couples get divorced for financial reasons."
Hmmm, good point. Yep, there's plenty of greed even amongst the working class folks out here in Tulsa. You could say that corruption and greed have spread to the working class so the pols are not the only ones infected by greed and corruption.
"Couples who aren't struggling economically tend to be happier together and stay together."
I've noticed that general trend but I have witnessed cases where even the very rich divorce although usually because of greed from one of the couples while the other is merely fed up.
"It's ironic how conservatives bitch about family values when it's their policies that are wrecking homes."
That's sadly true. In fact, since I live in OK where conservative minded folks dominate the most, the more conservative fundie minded they are, the more domestic abuse and violence that props up. Since greed and corruption have spread to these folks, conservatism has been taken to nasty levels indeed. Sad but true.
Couple in Italy?
From the article,
"Bianca Acevedo, a postdoctoral researcher at the University of California, Santa Barbara, who authored the study while she was a graduate student at Stony Brook University"
diet lord-You make a good point. However, despite not being wealthy, I am currently in a loving relationship, one that happened unforseen. :)
She just emailed me after not seeing or hearing from her in ten years, and here we are. My love right now is certainly romantic, but we're both trying not to let it "cloud our brains" as she always says.
I know I had given up on ever finding anyone until I reconnected with her. It seems with the tough economic times, people more than anything are looking for convenience. They'll shack up with someone who can pay the bills or whatnot. Luckily, I've found someone who couldn't care less what I own or how much money I make. Paupers in love. :)
Someone should email Tree Fitz this article as she said she was fed up with the negativity.
We talk endlessly don't get anywhere
Born in reality cradled in care
If you needed me or mistreated me
Won't you still be there
And those lonely nights when you find it hard
Losing your appetite breaking apart
If you needed me or mistreated me
Don't break my heart
It goes deep my love only for you
Just like an arrow
It goes deep my love only for you
Just like an arrow
Just like an arrow
Straight through your heart
We talk endlessly don't get anywhere
Born in reality cradled in care
If you needed me or mistreated me
Won't you still be there
Please be there
And those lonely nights when you find it hard
Losing your appetite breaking apart
If you needed me or mistreated me
Don't break my heart
Don't you break it
It goes deep my love only for you
Just like an arrow
It goes deep my love only for you
Just like an arrow
Oh, just like an arrow
It goes deep my love only for you
Just like an arrow
It goes deep my love only for you
Just like an arrow
Oh, just like an arrow
Straight through your heart
I LOVE this study! Nice shift... I know one thing that helps keep romance in a marriage/relationship. REspect. When the practicalities of life intervene and one gets frustrated and grumpy or even worse, one think you DON'T DO- DO NOT TAKE IT OUT ON THOSE YOU LOVE. At least not to a disrespectful degree. No one is 'nice" all the itme . But that's different than truly mistreating and being disrespectful to the one you are suppose to be in love with. Name calling, invading body space just to be annoying or mean, and using negative profane language when addressing that person, is definitely a turn off. I see this in a lot of young people today. I don't get it...
Oh, come on!
Has CD become the View?
Interesting question. I was wondering the same. Besides, they wrote this article most likely based on Europe's data more than the data in the USA. They should write based on data in all countries. "The View" is a retarded show with too much women-only crap. My wife actually hates that show more than I do since she thinks it further degrades women and their hard work. The liberal blogosphere can often end up being like the conservative blogosphere at times.
From the article,
"Bianca Acevedo, a postdoctoral researcher at the University of California, Santa Barbara, who authored the study while she was a graduate student at Stony Brook University"
Last I checked, SUNY Stony Brook is in the US.
I have never found an organization (even of only two people) disgusting enough to admit me as a member. Hooray for celibacy. My cat is the best companion one could have. If love did not cause the proliferation of horrid, destructive, smelly talking monkeys, I would think more of it. Friends are great, but TOUCH or FONDLE them? YUCCHHHH!!!! The closest thing I ever had to a lover was a lady I only saw once a week, and NEVER with her clothes off. When she died (from lack of access to medical care) the wake I threw for her attracted perhaps 2500 people, caused a massive traffic jam, and shut down the town, whose government emptied the fire station of equipment, moved the bash inside, and joined in the fun. Everyone loved my friend, without any sex at all going on. To me real love is nearly anything but sex.
What the world needs now is love, sweet love.
Love is the only thing that can save us from ourselves. It's the only thing that can repair the damage and heal the wounds. We need to love. Be love. Just love. All else will follow.
Love is the solution to all of our problems. Only love can bring lasting peace. Until we get that, it's just business as usual.
One Love, One Heart. Let's get together and feel alright.
Let's have a little fun...
Ambrose Bierce:
Love: a temporary insanity, curable by marriage.
H.L. Mencken:
Love: the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
Carl Jung:
Where love rules, there is no will to power; and where power predominates, there love is lacking. The one is the shadow of the other.
Elbert Hubbard:
The love we give away is the only love we keep.
Elizabeth Barret Browning:
Whoso loves, believes the impossible.
Emily Dickinson:
That Love is all there is,
Is all we know of Love.
Euripides:
He is not a lover who does not love forever.
Francis David:
We need not think alike to love alike.
George Jean Nathan:
Love is an emotion experienced by the many and enjoyed by the few.
Goethe:
To be loved for what one is, is the greatest exception. The great majority love in others only what they lend him, their own selves, their version of him.
Henry David Thoreau:
Love must be as much a light as it is a flame.
And on and on and on...
I'll admit that I only skimmed the article, and that's because I can't stand when researchers try to scientifically define love. Love is the terrain of poets, not scientists.
ace moab-
Noone is saying that all love has to have anything to do with sex. I fyou have a problem with physical intimacy it doesn't mean other people have to ...
I agree that the kind of love and caring you are talking about is just as important... But everyone is different. some of us need that romantic feeling for one special person and it's really great if that can last for many years. Life is made of people with different ways to express their affection. (Venus can be in any sign) This is the opposite of Mars. We have too much mars going on.
What kind of world would we have if we taught only love -- love for nature, love people, love for animals, love for ourselves. Not a single class at my university on love -- certainly no major in love. And yet, it is the obvious answer to everything we fret about.
One needs to make a LIVE connection to the very humanity of the other person, to see the world through their eyes, to hear stories of their childhood, what formed them.Maybe that's what people mean when they talk about 'becoming one' with the loved one. Not only two people in love, but seeing the separate individuality of each child in the family, or trying to see parents as they were when they were your age. I extend that getting into someone else's skin when you 'own' a dog or cat. Being able to love is being open. I even worry about a plant perhaps placed in a situation it's not meant for, and read up on its needs. ALL living things originated from the same batch of single cells in the primordial soup, we are all connected, and if we choose to attach our selves to the lives of others, we each have respect how we got where we are, who we came to be. I'm a difficult personality married for 46 years to another difficult personality, every day is smoochy, though we argue about which of us is the most annoying!And we've always had happy dogs.