The Bizarro GOP Circus Is In Town and Colbert Already Crashed It
Showtime, nation, if you can stand it. Fresh from the Trump/Pence logo debacle and the revelation by Trump's ghostwriter that in retrospect his client was "a sociopath" - "I put lipstick on a pig" - the GOP carnival begins today in Cleveland. It features an, umm, intriguing lineup: Entirely unqualified Trump offspring, batshit second-rate pols like Tom Cotton, Newt Gingrich, Carson Eversleep, right-wing actors from TV reality shows and soap operas - Duck Dynasty! The Bold and the Beautiful! - and a bunch of deranged deadbeats you've never heard of because, really, why would you have? The four-day jamboree marking the possible end of the American experiment - deeply flawed, for sure, but still something we might yet come to miss - is divided into permutations of the idiotic Make America Great Again theme, with days devoted to making us safe/work/first/one again. (Alas, no time allotted for making us less racist, hateful or idiotic.)
First up, former model Melania Trump and more of "our nation’s heroes" are scheduled to explain how they'll protect us "from attacks on our own soil and overseas to the tragedy in Benghazi." Monday speakers include hog-castrating Joni Ernst, Scott Baio from Happy Days, Antonio Sabato from General Hospital - no, really - the Duck commander guy, a couple of veterans of Benghazi and several grieving relatives of victims of immigrant drunk drivers and/or former gang members willing to be exploited by hacks looking to trade in their sorrow and ignorance to engender misplaced anger at brown-skinned people in this, their formerly white America. But they all got beat to the podium Sunday by Stephen Colbert, who will be broadcasting from Cleveland all week with - oh joy - Jon Stewart. Colbert hijacked the mic in his Hunger Games Caesar Flickerman guise to declare the launch of the "2016 Republican hungry for power games." He'd only briefly pounded his gavel before security began to remove him; resisting, Colbert proclaimed, "Look, I know I'm not supposed to be up here, but let's be honest, neither is Donald Trump." As he got dragged off, he held tight to the dead weasel he was inexplicably clutching. It fit right in.
Seen at the convention
The center of power at the convention.