We regret to inform you that incorrigible child-killer and barely human pile of slime George Zimmerman is still alive, and is "honored and humbled" to be auctioning off the "American Firearm Icon" that he used to infamously gun down a black kid. At least, he's trying to, though there are evidently still enough sentient beings left in the country that he's met with a bit of resistance, most somewhat impolite. The listing on GunBroker.com said he was offering as "a piece of American history...the firearm that was used to defend my life and end the brutal attack from Trayvon Martin," the black teenager savagely armed with Skittles and iced tea whose killing helped spark the Black Lives Matter movement. Starting price: $5,000.
Before undertaking this particularly loathsome stunt, Zimmerman has been in and out of trouble repeatedly since getting away with murder in Florida in 2012. He has been arrested several times, charged at least twice with domestic violence, eviscerated for selling bad prints of a Confederate flag painting, and banned from Twitter for various offenses, from calling President Obama "an “ignorant baboon" to tweeting a photo of Martin’s body with the caption, “Z-man is a one-man army." Despite his busy schedule of thumbing his nose at western civilization and stiffing his many lawyers, he's evidently still hard up for cash.
In his listing, he boasted, "Many have expressed interest in owning and displaying the firearm including the Smithsonian museum in Washington D.C." - NOT, the Smithsonian swiftly retorted - and “the firearm is fully functional as the attempts by the Department of Justice on behalf of B. Hussein Obama to render the firearm inoperable were thwarted." He was also “proud to announce” that a portion of the proceeds raised would be used to “fight BLM violence against Law Enforcement officers, ensure the demise of Angela Correy’s (sic) persecution career and Hillary Clinton’s anti-firearm rhetoric.” He signed off with “your friend, George M. Zimmerman” and “Si vis pacem, para bellum” - the Latin adage, “If you want peace, prepare for war,” no doubt copied from Wikipedia.
The listing - he reportedly alerted the media - prompted the tsunami of outrage that anyone this sick and dumb likely craves. Responses on Twitter tended to bring up Satan and Idi Amin, express SHOCK that George Zimmerman is a God-awful excuse for a human being, request somebody buy his fucking gun before he tries to stand his vile ground on another black kid's dead body, suggest - their pacifist leanings notwithstanding - what might be done with aforementioned gun, and mourn his bankrupt soul if there's anything left of it. Perhaps the finest response came from the Trayvon Martin Foundation, set up to end senseless gun violence; they had “no comment on the actions of that person.” Humanity likewise seemed to briefly rise from the bloody rubble when GunBroker took down the listing with a statement that "we want no part" of it. Then, like a rabid dog with a bone, Zimmerman reportedly re-listed it on unitedgungroup.com; they said they'll take anything that's legal and it “comes down to a moral decision." Yup. It does.
Update: The trolls have apparently come out at Unitedgungroup.com, where bidder Racist McShootFace has now topped off the price for Zimmerman's weapon of destruction at $65 million. Other bidders chiming in: Tamir Rice, Donald Trump, and at least one actual sort of real human being offering over $400,000. He has lashed out at the jokesters, charging they should get a life. Pot/kettle, albeit black.
Update on update: Now Unitedgungroup, the second site, has said thanks but no thanks. Humanity 1, Douchebaggery 0.