Palin/Trump: Heads Are Spinnin'! Command Fire! No More Pussy Footin'! The Main Thing! More Words!

Palin/Trump: Heads Are Spinnin'! Command Fire! No More Pussy Footin'! The Main Thing! More Words!

 

Just kill us now. On the front, copy of Palin's speech.

Last night especially bedazzled, demented, shrieking half-term governor and former reality star Sarah Palin endorsed ever-smirking current reality star the Donald in a memorable, syntax-murdering, possibly speed-and-wacky-tobacky-laced rant of a word salad that proclaimed Trump builds big things and power through strength and we don't wanna chill and a nation without borders and he knows how to keep the main thing the main thing and we are mad and we've been had and wearing political correctness kind of like a suicide vest and proud clinging to our guns and let's kick ISIS' ass and thank you enemy and we're not going to chill 'cause "it's time to drill, baby, drill down and elect a candidate that represents that and America first, finally." Cue Trump looking alternately dazed and pained while making thumbs up, shoot first and other indecipherable hand motions.

In a high-decibel voice and jacket with shiny, metallic, maybe former-bullet-casing tassels, Palin delivered what one observer called her "post-apocalyptic poetry" at a rally in Ames, Iowa, home to  the US Department of Agriculture’s National Animal Disease Center, whose website lists the most recent “Past Event” as “Year one of porcine epidemic diarrhea, what we learned.” Channeling an execrable rapper - actual full transcript here - Palin cited the support of  “teachers and teamsters,” “cops and cooks,” “rock ‘n’ rollers and holy rollers” for Trump, who's doing so great in the polls not because idiots make up far too much of America but because “he’s been going rogue left and right” and "he's been able to tear the veil off of this idea of the system." Also, “Trump’s candidacy, it has exposed not just that tragic ramifications of that betrayal of the transformation of our country, but too, he has exposed the complicity on both sides of the aisle that has enabled it, OK?” Uhhh, ok.

Media responses to the spectacle of these two tacky shills uniting to Make America Great Again were an entertaining mix of dumbfounded and mind-bending. Slate gets the Best Headline Award for "Hot Mess Endorses Dumpster Fire" and The Guardian gets the Sardonic Literary Allusion Award for "Sarah Palin makes Donald Trump sound like Cicero." Some comments on memes and Vines of Palin's most incomprehensible moments: "Waiter, I'll have what she's having...Tina Fey is just savage in this... I didn't watch (the event) because I'm afraid I'll go blind from looking directly at the eclipse of our civilization....This new Iggy Azalea video is pretty good...I'm trying to imagine someone in America saying, yes, what she said, she's convinced me....A glimpse into hell."

At one point in the macabre proceedings, Palin noted the presence of a hungry media, twirled her twisted finger in the air, and leered with an unhinged grin, “Heads are spinnin’! Media heads are spinnin’! This is gonna be So Much Fun!" Umm, maybe. 'Cause, in the unforgettable words of a tee vee reality star, failed half-term governor and full-time narcissistic imbecile, "We're talking about our very existence, so no, we're not going to chill. In fact it's time to drill, baby, drill down, and hold these folks accountable. And we need to stop the self-sabotage and elect new, and independent, a candidate who represents that and represents America first, finally." Finally, let's hope Bernie can save our blessed, ragged participatory democracy, which is seeing hard times you betcha.

 

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