It Won't Be Cheap But It Will Be Worthwhile: Sending Trump Into Space

It Won't Be Cheap But It Will Be Worthwhile: Sending Trump Into Space

 

We all have our breaking point. With the hate-spewing hot-air balloon that is Trump, there have been multiple-choice affronts: The Mexicans who are all rapists, the Muslims who all want to kill us, the wall that will be very big, the Jews who know how to negotiate, the Chinese who all love him, his besties "the blacks," his new BFF Putin despite dead journalists and political opponents because "at least he's a leader," and now his boorish charge that Hillary got "schlonged" by Obama in 2008. Still his polls, and support from the bizarro species of biped they represent, keep climbing.

But take heart. For your holiday gift, a look at the Donald's recent, under-reported defeats. For starters, he just lost a key court case in Scotland to stop construction of an 11-turbine offshore wind farm he'd argued would wreck what he  considers the pristine view of his luxury golf resort. Last week, Scotland's top court threw out his lawsuit to stop the project, the final blow in a nasty three-year fight that made most of Scotland hate him and inspired one bloke to write a song dubbing him "a grubby little peasant of a man." Ever gracious in defeat, Trump sneered the court's decision on the wind farm - which he called "delusional posturing" - was "foolish, small minded and parochial." (Pot/kettle.)

With his racist rants, Trump also alienated enough bigwigs in the golf world that Turnberry, another Scottish golf course he owns and is refurbishing, will reportedly no longer be considered to host the prize British Open tournament; the grotesque noises coming from his blow-hole also prompted Scottish officials to strip him of two honorary positions. And a British petition to ban him from the country for his hate speech has garnered almost 600,000 signatures, the most ever collected and 500,000 more than the number required to prompt a Parliamentary debate on the subject. Even if he manages to enter the country, noted P.M. David Cameron, "I think he'd unite us all against him."

Here at home, there's likewise plenty of united outrage. His daily outbursts - his mocking of disability, idiocy about nuclear weapons, mindless infatuation with Putin, ISIS-fueling vitriol on Muslims, sexist smears of Hilary and non-stop, off-the-wall verbiage - just earned Donald the person (a first) this year's title of Lie of the Year. They also earned him an invite from Amazon head Jeff Bezos for a seat on the Blue Origin rocket under the hashtag - an idea then brilliantly expanded upon by a Change.org petition seeking to "send him into space and leave him there." The petition, with almost 60,000 signatures to date, has inspired glad offers to crowdfund and some of the most brilliant comments ever. Samples: "I don't agree with sending trash into space but there's really nowhere else to put him... He was almost eaten by an eagle - this is for his own safety....If a Trump says something racist or sexist in space but no one is around to hear it, is he still a bigot?...(I'm signing because) I have a brain/I'm serving my country/There's no petition to sacrifice him in a volcano to please the gods so this will have to do/Even though I love everyone, sometimes you've got to put people in space." And, in an eloquent farewell, "Adios, cockbiscuit."

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