Eye of the Homophobic Tiger
Photo Timothy Easley/AP
Oh Lord, save us. The wingnut circus - cue crosses waving in the delirious air - came to town to welcome Kim Davis, the Kentucky county clerk and aspiring martyr to the cause of telling other people who they can and can't love by refusing to issue marriage licenses to gay couples, as she was released from five days in a heathen jail. In a seriously bizarre spectacle worthy of "Life of Brian," Davis sobbed her way to the podium as the 1980s hit "Eye of the Tiger" erupted from loudspeakers - illegally, as it turned out, given that the song's creators never gave permission for its use. Said an outraged Frankie Sullivan of Survivor, “I would not grant her the rights to use Charmin." Whatever. Davis was in jail for already breaking the law by refusing to do her job, so what's a little copyright infringement? Once up there in her moment of shining glory, Davis stood with her lawyer, her fabulously hillbilly fourth husband, and a grinning Mike Hucksterbee, who had reportedly shoved Ted Cruz out of the photo-op so he could proclaim “God showed up" in the form of Davis. Then God sobbed some more, giggled, raised her arms Rocky-style in triumph, and told the cheering if bigoted crowd, “I just want to give God the glory...Keep on pressing. Don’t let down because He is here.” More crosses insanely waving.
The best antidote was Twitter, which went berserk. Samples: "Kim Davis too shall pass, and I for one can't wait...This lady is a bitch...Woman With String Of Failed Marriages, Out-Of-Wedlock Children Explains How Gays Destroy Marriage Sanctity...Kim Davis doesn't need to change her beliefs but she does need bangs...'Thank God they didn't choose one of our songs.' - Every other rock band that ever performed...Can the world just end already please?" Of particular note, the #I'mWithKim hashtag - "What's up with all these conservatives suddenly backing North Korea?" and the frequently profane #SitNexttoKimDavis: "OH SHIT SHE'S OUT...I don't care what happens. I'm not giving her fucking chair back. She gets a million dollars, I get lumbar support...Oh fucking shit. is never going to fucking end..." But she will. She may get a reality show out of it, but it'll still be on the wrong side of history.