Holy Schnikes, Who Are These Awful People?

Holy Schnikes, Who Are These Awful People?


In a galaxy far far away, it seems the fetid GOP political machine is grinding away - funded with creative perks like the $72 official Dick Cheney cowboy hat - aimed at "restoring strength in America (with) strong, principled leadership." This week, to remind those who tend to doggedly ignore this particular universe just what it entails, we saw the "shock and awe launch of Jeb World," a new look at the awfulness of Scott 'Who Needs Education' Walker, eager talk of the Holy War wingnuts believe we need to start, a GOP straw poll offering up a swampful of 33 mindbogglingly depressing candidates, and other distressing developments.

The presidential straw poll asks Republicans - and people mistakenly, miraculously getting their emails - to choose between 33 pretty much equally repulsive, laughable, noxious characters, including John Bolton, Herman Cain, Newt Gingrich, Condoleeza Rice, Peter King, Bobby Jindal, Christie, Palin, Walker and Bush. It also asks respondents to name their most important core values, which they've already made clear do NOT include equal pay for equal work, education and other radical notions. #1: Our country is exceptional. Second Last: Helping poor people. Sarah Palin (!?!) evidently leads among the wingiest of wingnuts, despite or perhaps because of her utterly hallucinogenic rant at Idaho's Freedom Summit - "Let the pandering begin!" - a few weeks ago.

Otherwise, Bush (Really. Just imagine. Another Bush) is supposedly the frontrunner, thanks to what you'd think would be questionable name recognition, methodical multimillion-dollar fundraising - which even Politico terms a "frenzied vacuuming of cash" - and perhaps an improbable campaign aimed at millennials: "Jeb is ready, are you? Stand with us for a brighter future!" This, again, despite a historical ineptness confirmed this week with his first, big, super-flubbed foreign policy speech in which he variously misspoke of turning a broken immigration system into "a catalytic converter,"  lessening the dependency "Russia now has on top of Europe,” calling himself "a gladiator," and posing the intriguing semantic issue of just what's a "pivotee."

Meanwhile, the rest of the 2016 GOP clown class continue to partake of tasteless gimmicks and unconscionable values as they juggle for position, in the process punting on evolution and otherwise advancing vile notions like Scott Walker's dismissal of a college education as "the kind of elitist, government- knows-best, top-down- approach" that's been the downfall of a too-well-schooled America, which just needs more idiocy to set it right.

The latest idiocy came Wednesday when wingers' heads exploded nationwide at Obama's insistence at a Countering Violent Extremism summit that ISIS "are not religious leaders - they're terrorists. And we are not at war with Islam. We are at war with people who have perverted Islam." His entirely sensible remark confirmed the paranoid fantasies of every moronic Agh-He's-A-Marxist-Muslimy-Gang-Member birther out there, prompted Ted Cruz to declare Obama "an apologist for radical Islam," and moved the ever-ignoble Rudy Giuliani to regretfully admit, "I do not believe that the president loves America.” 

Jesus. Most of us don't want to know, think or read about the antics of these dreadful, stupid, petty, mindless, mean-spirited, greedy and amoral alleged human beings. The thing is: Many of them are, albeit inexplicably, in positions of political and economic power, and are angling to get more. While we don't have to dwell on or eat dinner with them, it likely behooves us to acknowledge that they - and the concepts of lesser and greater evil - do exist; that they are very busy trying to ensure they will get to have yet more power and do yet more damage; and that at some point we may need to engage with them in order to fight back against their criminal stupidity. Or, in the immortal words of Jeb Bush, "the more (we) get into this stuff, there are some things (where) you just go, you know, ‘Holy schnikes.’ ”


Share This Article