On Tactical Bacon, Survival Towels and Other Necessities In the Age of Ebola
Because many Americans don't seem to know that Africa is a very large continent but do know it's pretty black and scary, the pernicious, racist, rabid fearmongering on Ebola has given us a growing list of lunatic incidents: Schools in Texas, Mississippi, Wisconsin, New Jersey and Maine have kept kids home and otherwise freaked out about people's possible connections to Nigeria, Zambia, Ghana, Uganda, Rwanda and Dallas (really), all uninfected places thousands of miles away from the hot zone. Along with those panicked responses, the crisis has spawned paranoid gutter-level rhetoric - the Muslim Kenyan traitor Obama is "letting these diseased people into our country to infect our people" - and now, inexorably, the lust for profit. Thus do we have Firearms giant Brownells launching a new Ebola-themed line of Emergency & Survival Gear Pandemic Kits to help meet “basic needs” for germaphobes worried "you’ll be touching things you shouldn’t be touching.” Because they figure you won't be going to Sierre Leone anytime soon, there are no hazmat suits. But just in case you have any suspiciously brown-skinned co-workers, you can stay safe with filter masks, black nitrile gloves, first-aid supplies, camp stoves and other equipment to sterilize and, worst-case scenario, an irresistible kicker - "tactical bacon," which has been pre-cooked in a can with a 10-year shelf life. Because nothing says survival like 10-year-old bacon.