Chevron To Residents: Sorry We Fracked Up Your Town With That Toxic Out-of-Control Fire and Killed That Guy, Have A Free Pizza On Us! (Special Combo Only)
Chevron felt so bad about blowing up part of the small town of Bobtown, Pennsylvania with a deadly, days-long fracking fire that their "Community Outreach Team” sent out a sweet letter to terrified residents saying how bad they felt about the "incident" and included a gift coupon to Bobtown Pizza for - yes! - a free pizza. AND a free soda! Understandably, though, because their profits last year were down to about $21 billion, no toppings. Not from The Onion, which is the problem.
"Chevron recognizes the effect this has had on the community. We value being a responsible member of this community and will continue to strive to achieve incident-free operations."