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Today's Top News
Horse Hockey: The Patriot Survival Plan For the Mathimatically (sic) Certain Financial Pearl Harbor and Apocalypse That Is Coming For Just $37! Wait, Make That $22!
“Champion of the World” (2011) by Brian Whelan
Fellow Patriots, listen up: Just because the news of late has been all about shutdowns and health care doesn't mean your patriotic defenders of the fringe haven't been way busy with other way important stuff, like defending the Alamo (again) and planning for the apocalyptic future after Comrade Obama comes for your guns and, verily we say unto you, your life. Thus do we have a mind-boggling new Patriot Survival Plan for a coming crisis that will be like Pearl Harbor and the Great Depression and 9/11 and the Civil War all rolled into one "knife in the heart of this great nation"; a video claim from the American Family Association's Bryan Fischer that the U.S. military is being conditioned "in their brains" - illustrate with finger to head - to kill Christians and Tea Partiers; and a claim or at least rumor that the dictatorial U.N. is plotting to take over the Alamo, that "sacred shrine for individual freedom in the face of collective evil" - a story that the Alamo's custodian calls “spectacular and erroneous,” and that Texas Land Commissioner and GOP candidate for lieutenant governor Jerry Patterson calls "horse hockey" - a term that sounds pretty cool, but makes no more sense than anything else here. Sorry, we can't seem to embed the survival plan video so you have to link to it, but wow, just try leaving the page. USA! USA!