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Bummer: Rock the Red, Or What Happens When Conservatives Throw A Really Pathetic Party and Almost Nobody Comes

by Abby Zimet

A break-out “Conservapalooza” rally outside Charlotte to oppose what all those commies are doing at their convention hasn't gone quite as planned after their musical headliners quit, the organizers failed to pay a $30,000 fee though they argued that tourist officials screwed everything up, the original 11,000-seat Bojangles Arena site offering $119 tickets had to be changed to a nearby farm offering $5 tickets - $3.50 less than the usual farm price - after only 300 people expressed interest. It still went on, featuring Arizona's Sheriff Joe Arpaio, local musicians, a 16-year-old blogger and all the pumpkins you could pick. Looking at the pictures, we sure wish we could have been there to get a preview of how conservatives plan to run the country.