New Jersey, nay, all of America can breathe a sigh of relief now that state police have stepped up to the Heinous Crimes plate and arrested three guys who were stealing old cardboard boxes from behind Wal-Mart and Sam's Club to sell to recyclers. We feel safer already.

“This group invested a considerable amount of time to create an enterprise with the sole purpose to steal cardboard,” said Col. Rick Fuentes, superintendent of the New Jersey State Police. “There are serious money and organizational skills involved here that could have been used for lawful purposes. We are thankful to the New Jersey Division of Criminal Justice and the New York Business Integrity Commission for helping us crush this cardboard theft operation.”