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Pedophile Island

by Abby Zimet

For those who need more political whackos in your day than Rand Paul, consider California GOP gubernatorial candidate Douglas Hughes. His main campaign promise is to exile sexual offenders to Santa Rosa Island - to be renamed Pedophile Island - where within their "island society" they will farm, ranch, build housing, choose police, firemen, fish and game agents, write their own Constitution, and "live out their existence... away from our precious children" to the end of their sorry days. Another idea: triple, 12-foot, razor-wired, moat-laced, motion-sensored  fencing along the border to keep out illegal immigrants, gangs, prostitutes and "exotic animals." Also: mandatory one-year engagement - preferably two - because people who get divorced get depressed and see doctors who give them medicine that could make them addicted. We love democracy.

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