Revolving Lies
Published on Wednesday, June 23, 2004 by the Daily Camera / Boulder, Colorado
Revolving Lies
by Molly Ivins

As I.F. Stone used to say, "All governments lie," so that's no shockeroo. What's peculiar is the reaction in the media.

You may recall that when even the administration finally admitted Saddam Hussein had no weapons of mass destruction (with that adorable video of President Bush on his hands and knees searching under sofas in the Oval Office for the missing WMD oh, it was so amusing. Eight hundred American dead.), we were treated to these rationales:

1) Didn't make any difference because Saddam Hussein was a really, really bad guy anyway. He was, of course, and it was the only decent rationale for getting rid of him. It was the argument made by Tony Blair but specifically rejected by the Bush administration. Paul Wolfowitz explained in Vanity Fair that human rights violations were not a sufficient consideration for invasion.

2) It was all Saddam's fault that we thought he had WMD. The wily coot fooled us by repeatedly denying that he had any, a fiendishly clever ploy.

3) He probably shipped them all to Syria just before we got there.

4) Get over it. We've heard enough.

Torture at Abu Ghraib and elsewhere?

1) No worse than fraternity hazing.

2) Just some white-trash morons.

3) We haven't tortured nearly as many people as Saddam Hussein.

4) Al-Qaida never signed no stinkin' Geneva Conventions, so we have a right to torture them.

5) Shut up, they explained.

Torture was explicitly authorized at the highest levels of government.

1-5) See above, plus:

6) Did not.

7) So what?

8) "I'm going to say it one more time. The instructions went out to our people to adhere to the law. That ought to comfort you. We're a nation of laws. We adhere to laws. We have laws on the books. You might look at those laws, and that might comfort you."

Problem is the administration looked at the laws and decided to ignore them.

Ahmad Chalabi is not just a liar, con man, thief and faker of intelligence, but also apparently a spy for Iran.

1) Chalabi? Never heard of him.

2) We cut off all ties with Chalabi some time ago. (Last week.)

The 9/11 Commission reports there is no evidence of collaboration between Saddam Hussein and al-Qaida, and in fact Iran, Pakistan and Saudi Arabia were all much bigger players with al-Qaida.

1) The 9/11 Commission didn't say that.

2) The media are overplaying the story.

3) We never claimed he was behind 9/11. We may have implied it, hinted, suggested, insinuated, intimated, connoted, alluded to and said it between the lines, but we never said it, and you can't prove we did and we have no idea how most Americans ever got that silly idea in the first place.

4) We are tired of hearing from you people, this has been going on for almost 24 hours. Only Dead Reagan gets a week's worth of our undivided attention.

On June 8, John Ashcroft was driven to the old Nixon defense stonewalling. He not only refused to provide the Senate Judiciary Committee with Justice Department memos justifying torture, he refused to explain why he refused. The Washington Post then helpfully posted the memo on its Web site so we could all enjoy reading how our "Justice Department" explains why the president is above the law and the Constitution, and does not need to observe any treaties.

Also, we learned it is not torture unless it is "equivalent in intensity to the pain accompanying serious physical injury, such as organ failure, impaired bodily function or even death." Anal rape and shoving broken light bulbs up the rear end don't count at all.

I'm so glad George W. Bush has restored honor and integrity to the White House. His defenders in the media are truly distinguishing themselves as patriots in this hour of need.

Copyright 2004, The Daily Camera