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The crusty ol' Repub says he has no clue how to use a computer. Isn't that cute?
Dear McCain presidential campaign:
You know what's funny and cute and just a little bit sad? Wacky old pre-industrial war-hungry guys admitting they don't know a computer from a microwave oven, a hyperlink from a heart med, can't turn on one of those newfangled PC things if his life depended on it and/or he wanted to see what his weird tattooed bi-curious grandson is posting on his MySpace home docking station whateveryoucallit. Adorable!
Cuter still is when said wisecrackin' curmudgeon admits he depends on the wife to show him how it all works, to log on and open a browser and check e-mail and describe what it all might mean out there in Interweb Cybertown, as you get the distinct feeling the old guy has no idea what makes it go and believes all this crazy gizmongery is for troublemakin' whippersnappers anyway, as he pines for the days of teletype machines and prop aeroplanes. Charming!
Or, you know, maybe not. Because you know what's depressing and just a bit beyond sad? A serious presidential candidate - that is to say, yours - who thinks it's harmless that he's actually one of those guys, who admits he's a complete Luddite when it comes to computers and, by extension, most every aspect of modern multimedia and technology, except perhaps the exact specs of the nuke required to annihilate Iran and/or take out a big pile of "gooks."
See, word has gotten out. Your boy John McCain says has no clue how to work a computer. He's an admitted tech illiterate, couldn't Google his way out of a DailyKos to save his Yahoo.
But here's the disturbing part: This confession of ignorance apparently bothers him and his campaign not at all, as they apparently believe any sort of tech know-how isn't really required to run our deeply busted-up ship of state, that you need no real firsthand experience with the most definitive technology of the past 100 years to make decisions that affect the entire planet. Go figure.
So then, the valid question: Is it a big deal? Should you care? Because McCain's I'm-just-a-clueless-old-guy comment has caused a bit a stir, with anyone with a functioning DSL line calling it a bit of an embarrassment, a bit like running for captain of the swim team while admitting all you know how to do is splash around in the bathtub. Gosh, Senator, don't you think you need just a passing understanding of the culture in which you live to qualify you to oversee the damnable place? Doesn't it help?
Maybe not. Maybe McCain's apologists are right, the POTUS really doesn't need to have a working knowledge of what hundreds of millions of people use every day to live, work, communicate, shop and blog and breed and porn and tube and book. Hell, just look at President Bush - still giggles every time Laura plugs in the air popcorn popper, has an Irish drinking song as a ringtone, enjoys a working grasp of the English language that borders on infantile. Really, who says a president has to be even modestly versed in the culture of his or her day? Or even passably competent?
But then, that's not really the point, is it? The point, of course, is about social interconnection. It's about understanding the basic workings of one of the most powerful, fundamental engines of modern society, its staggering impact and consequence and reach. To not use or comprehend computers and the Net in 2008 is to basically confess to your own cultural irrelevance.
Maybe a short lesson, then? Shall we offer a bit of help to McCain and his hapless crew? Couldn't hurt.
Look here, Senator, this is a link. You click it to take you somewhere else on the Web. Here's an example: When we click this link we see this page of - oh I'm sorry, this appears to be a big list of your most significant and appalling flip-flops, major issues you've reversed yourself on over weeks, months, years. Goodness, there sure are a lot of them.
Well, let's scroll around a bit - scrolling is how you move up and down a large page to take it all in. As we move down here ... oh look, here's information about your famed McCain-Feingold bill on campaign finance reform. Except, oh dear, it appears you're no longer connected to the most high-profile legislation of your career. Heck, now that you're running for prez and need all the cash you can muster, who wants finance reform? I understand. What a maverick you are. Well, let's move on.
Here are nice video clips of you decrying the ugly forces of the religious right, and then later kissing Falwell's fat, nauseating ring. And here's you trashing Bush's useless tax cuts for the wealthy, then completely flopping over and supporting them. And whoops, gay marriage might be OK, then it's definitely not. Torture is absolutely wrong, then it's not. You say you're rather clueless about the economy and will need some lessons in basic finance, then here's you denying outright that you ever said that. Isn't technology amazing, Senator?
Wow, there sure is a lot of information about your bizarre inconsistency on just about every issue of note. Immigration, energy, health care reform, offshore drilling, Social Security, Roe v. Wade, and, oh my goodness, the Iraq war? You really are all over the place. One thing's for certain, though: your position on war and violence and America as ruthless pre-emptive aggressor, well, let's just say you can sometimes make Dick Cheney look like a peacenik. Scary.
Ah, but it's not all bad. To be fair, there is good amount of evidence of your past battles against Big Money, proof that you truly earned your maverick status in numerous contentious fights against special interests, lobbyists, Big Tobacco, ethanol subsidies (even Barack Obama won't touch that one), Big Sugar, et al. Your record is - or rather, was - impressive.
Not anymore. It's amazing what a taste of serious power will do to a man's values, no? Don't worry, it's happening to your rival Obama, too - albeit to a far lesser degree. Hell, it happens to them all. This is another mandatory lesson about the Web, Senator. While it can certainly be a bit unfair and extreme, it's also startlingly effective in how it tracks of the ugly erosion of your soul.
Maybe we should stop the lesson now. I think I'm beginning to see just why you don't want to know how to use these hateful little gizmos. Damn things have a painful ability to tell the truth, to keep a dynamic, revealing record of your general inability to understand not just what's really going on in the world, but what's going on in your own muddled, fuzzy, increasingly dangerous mind. Ah, modern technology. Ain't it a bitch?
--Mark Morford
© 2008 San Francisco Chronicle
25 Comments so far
Show AllUnderstandable. Bush can't read newspapers. Must be a Republican thang.
Those who don't use technology are doomed to be replaced by it.
Actually, having the POTUS be computer-illiterate makes it much easier for his handlers to manipulate his decisions by selective presentation of crucial decision-making info. If the POTUS could log on and read Common Dreams-- now that would be a problem and a cause for concern to said handlers.
But, of course, an animatronic puppet would be much more reliable with buttons for "sign bill", "veto bill", "read teleprompter" and "schmooze with money people". Maybe someday.
Someone here had it right...
McCain is the designated "no-hitter." Mr. Obama, it has been decided, will be the next President-by-Proxy.
All you computer literates know the definition. Hey, amigos?
kloro - Never heard AIPAC referred to as transnational, but it certainly fits.
you people just don't get it: the primary requirement for the oval office is the ability to do the bidding of the transnationals.
Oh people stop worrying. Cindy ("the other woman") McCain has enough money to buy people who can open McCain's emails and read them to him. After all, didn't "her" company just sell to the Belgians for a huge sum? (OOps I promised not to spill the beans on the connection between that sale and the upcoming election.)
My bad.
At least future President McCain won't have to worry about opening any of those damn pesky emails from the EPA that suggest something be done about stuff before we're all whatever...
Cutesy article, as usual, by Morford but the reality of McCain's utter insanity, lack of knowledge in all areas, inclination to anger, decision to follow failed and dangerous policies and his absolute passion for war and death on a biblical scale make it painfully difficult for a thinking person to yuk it up over his lack of computer savvy.
He will have people in place to push the buttons for him.
I see Morford finally found a difference between McCain and Obama. Yes, with everything going on, this is the issue of the day: who can Google.
Sorry if you think that's 'ageist'.
I don't. In fact I think he is probably too old to be President and age and stress are starting to take a toll on him. Shoot I was just trying to say he's got enough left and he is tenacious enough to win.
Don't underestimate him like Hillary did Obama in other words.
Thomas: I disagree about McCain's faculties. I think once upon a time, he may have been quick witted, but seems to me now that age and stress are starting to take a toll on him. He is 71 after all. Now my father is a few years older than McCain, and I tell ya, he's not as quick as he used to be, that's for sure.
I also have a problem with someone 71 trying to be president. The world is a very different place than it was when McCain was a young man... and I think it requires a very different kind of leader. I just don't think that someone of that generation is up for the job. Sorry if you think that's 'ageist'.
Its amazing to me that people forget where McCain was at this time last year.
Get a giggle about how old he is and "out of touch" Keep thinking that way and they will be singing Hail to the Chief to him come January.
A lot of you kiddos would get a real surprise if you challanged the old fellow. I suspect he'd whip your tail and be sure he's mentally tougher than you are.
Never underestimate your adversary. Your hair could end up on his pole. Just a thought.
A witty article none the less.
Don't worry, most whippersnappers think "Crusty" is a clown on The Simpsons and don't know its derogatory meaning.
Is it REALLY necessary to dis every single elderly person by calling McCain "crusty"? You can't make your point without being nasty?
Oh, and let Nader play as well...
To heck with the elections, let's just play Jeopardy with relevant questions (oops, I mean answers). Mr. McCain takes topic Africa for $500. Mr. Obama takes WWII History for $200.
We're all in great jeopardy at this point so what could be a better way to choose?
What scares me is the possibility that the powers that be aren't worried about McCain's shortcomings because they know there won't be an election this Fall.
I'd never vote for someone for president who wasn't computer literate, no matter of what party. It should be a requirement of the job, don't you think?. By this measure alone, McCain should be disqualified. I'm sure Obama is quite handy with a computer.
well done
mccain is a nut even by gop standards
I wonder, sometimes, if maybe McCain isn't doing a "Kerry" and intentionally throwing the race. He acts like such a doofus. The Bush's basically shat all over him in 2000, maybe his revenge is to do such a terrible job campaigning that he'll lose for the repugs. Not that Obama is that different, unfortunately, from the neocons, in many ways.
McCain doesn't compute and Bush doesn't read. They don't really have to because they will do what their neo-con advisers tell them to do.
I think it makes a big difference. McCain obviously has no understanding that everything he says and does is recorded and can be played back at any time. What is he, an idiot? I leave that to you to decide.
Thanks, Mark Morford, for a much needed laugh. But then , all comedy is based on pain, right. So now I guess I'll cry awhile.
As always, "i am constantly awaiting a rebirth of wonder..."
Both Bush and McCain love to joke about their poor performance in college. Didn't do too well? Well, no matter, look where they are now. Obviously it doesn't take brains or intelligence to run a country, or to think you can run a country. Of course, the results are in plain view of all. However, it will take some dilligent brain power and intelligence to pick up the pieces and put humpty dumpty back together again. One can always hope.