Well Ken,

I find when someone resorts to charicter assination, they are expressing their inner conciousness about themselves.

I think telling someone they are ugly is one of the meanest things that one individual can do to another particularly if they are saying it to someone who is young and fragile. The irony is that the one saying it becomes more ugly themselves -- ugly in the inside.

Beauty inside is what really matters.

Peace,
Ken

Juliann, I wonder what the two people who told you you're ugly think they are, aside from ignorant boors? There are many grown-up people out there who think that flesh is sexy -- embracing a ribcage with hips is not. I hope you find a situation some day that is not heartbreaking but, in the meantime, you're right -- booze helps.

Yes, carrots, <> That's what the poem was about. And oh so beautiful. A visual I will never see again and saw so few times in my life of almost 60 yrs.

The Man - your honest writing is heartbreaking to read. I know it too well. My experience is men do not want women who are plain and pudgy. I have been told 2x to my face that I am ugly. Well I KNOW that. I have never attracted men, and they know they can do better.

There's a lot about life we cannot control and in the situation about which you write so poignantly, it truly is heartbreaking.

Booze helps.

The Man, you're obviously not that dysfunctional if you can write so well and describe your plight. I'm sorry that you've been the victim of condescending 'progressives' in your intimate relationships -- I've met the type -- and I wish there was some good advice I could give you to improve your situation, but my cupboard is bare. Perhaps you should -- and I mean this seriously -- write a book or screenplay and let others tour a territory that most of us know nothing about.

BTW, I see nothing gross in your using pornography to relieve yourself in the absence of a spouse or intimate friend. I'd rather have people watching porn than films that glorify war and hatred -- those are truly gross.

The editing function on the site isn't working well.

Porn is often isolated people's only option for satisfying sexual needs, as gross as it is.

SEXUAL EXPLORATION MEANS NOTHING TO THOSE OF US WHO ARE SOCIALY ISOLATED, AND EMOTIONALLY TRAMATIZED.

I find it hurtful when feminists talk about sex in this way. I am a mentally ill man living on SSI, and believe me, sex and relationships are nothing more than a luxury to me. Women don't want men who are disenfranchised economically or emotionally. Most of the women I've met I've met through progressive, activist groups, and these women are no more accepting or less judgmental. I have had a handful of relationships, and no one night stands (not that I was ever looking for one). Even when in a relationship the "healing balm" of sex and emotional intimacy have been withheld because my partner knew I had no one else to go to. Instead of allowing intimacy to let us bond, which would lift my mood and slowly help make me more functional, intimacy was withheld as punishment for not being what they wanted. Platonically it's not much different. People don't want to slow down for a friend who can't do things they can or can't do them as fast as they can. I've pretty much given up on a social life. Porn is often my only option for satisfying sexual needs, as gross as it is. Years ago I believed progressives who shared similar beliefs could have more affection for someone who had such a violent upbringing and basic problems functioning, but instead I faced more shame for what they saw as laziness. I was at best tolerated. For some of us it's not about gender roles, more satisfying sex, or the choice between sex and intimacy. It's about being able to find a place, any place we can be accepted, and to have our emotional needs met AT ALL. The author is not aware of her own prejudice: those who can't get any don't matter.

A wonderful sensual description of a snail or slugs eyes extending. This same phenomena happens with a slowly erecting penis but much more so. When this happens there is exposed and released all the most concentrated male sexual scents normally covered and hidden. I have never heard of any discussion of this but the female must be wooed by it surely? If this is correct then it follows that being circumcised means to neuter the poor male almost as sure as castration but with now unresolved male frustration and a deep anger that changes the male female relationship drastically and the males view of himself in the world. Furthermore if this "ceremony" is performed as a ritual as it still is today in some cultures, meaning genital mutilation, and its purpose is to create angry frustrated males who then present their masculinity as a force to be reckoned with, then it brings on nothing but troubles.

As someone once said, Dr. Zen, fucking is the ultimate act of defiance against the established order. The Moolah Class only likes it when they are fucking others and reducing them to penury and subservience, not when the peons are fucking each other for pleasure rather than money or in the spirit of corporately-controlled 'competition.'

If your female DR Zen, could you post your phone number?

I prefer fucking.

Having been through times of no sex, you bet I'm going to be selfish and savor it the next time!

I am glad that 'slow' is entering into some conciousnesses- it is the natural way. I don't want a car, I love to walk, love to cook, and I work on discovering the difference between 'deliberatley slow' and 'lazy'. When you get it, you really get that the 'packaged' portions of life have no soul value. Of course, maintaining dicipline against the relentless trappings of consumerism and coporate voodoo is very hard- kinda like proving yourself a christian everyday.

I hope to see more of these articles on the very important and never talked about seriously issues of sex and sexuality- if I can't find them here, where will I ever find them?

On the 'current political' discussion- abstinence-only seems to only increase sexual frustration than to reduce teen pregnancies; and I assume that condoms and awareness have been the main factors in limiting STD's (though were to find the data! It's not a very social conversation). Our top two Base Instincts are to Survive and to Propogate- they cannot be removed or ignored.

Sex must be embraced. It's scary to watch foreigners react to americans reacting to a sexual topic (the words Puritanical or prude are often used)- though I've never been out of the country, so what do I know. But sex is most likely the #1 most important shared topic in our lives (love is for another discussion, please) and isn't it better to talk about it?

I find it difficult and interesting to uncover my predjudices, conformities and habits especially related to such a sensitve subject as sex. I've seen more sex on TV then in person. I was never told to wait until marriage, sometimes to wait until I was ready, and always told to protect myself (physically and emotionally). A lot of frustation, and not very romantic, eh? Now, I've gotten wonderfull advice and lessons from family, friends, and lovers so I don't want to paint a bad picture here. It's just that there does seem to be something wrong in our society- I feel that sex probably would have been easier emotionally 5,000 years ago. I like what mythoughts said about the current media teachings on sex does limit possibilities. (and we need to idenitfy and get rid of the whole virgin/whore divide. Exactly! It's that kind of simplistic absolutes that allow poor justifications to some really bad behavior)

As to pornogrophy, you've seen one you've seen 'em all. While arousing, it is not nearly as arousing, or healthy, as real sex (even stories of real sex as opposed to fantasy/porn sex). I have heard that significantly more women are involved in the financing, producing, directing and distribution of porn- maybe that will offer something new, maybe even more whole.

Of course, pornography has been the driving force behind storytelling, printing, film, video, vcr's, dvd's and the intrernet. So yeah, it's a story we seem to have to tell, I just wonder if we will ever change the way we tell it. Now it's another discussion on how 'main stream' media sells sex, especially since that type of sell is all-pervasive.

As to 'traditional dating' it's still around. We just have the added dynamic of large groups of teens being away from home (hanging out) without adult supervision. That leads to 'group dating'. The movies do make 'traditonal dating' more romantic- and seem to say that you would get more mentoring, rather than learning from your own peer group that is just as clueless as you. To more of dcbeltway's point, my only guess here is that sex is more loudly 'sold' because 'sex sells' and people still attempt to control it in others because directed frustration is a building block to power.

And I hope that the author didn't advocate getting rid of 'the quickie', just to raise awareness of the type of sex displayed in the media- quickies and uncommited etc. The author did not clearly state that they were talking about partners (in a commited/long-term relationship) or individuals, which seems to be confusing people. And YES, media-sex values do eventually seep into your conciousness if you let them. Our 'sexual culture' will affect your personal sex life and the sex itself.

All this seems to point at how Selfish we have become, not only in our Fast-sex, but also in about every aspect of our lives. I of course would never blame my selfishness on myself, I blame it on the automobile and the destruction of the slow and old tribe-style community of living.

And try Namaste. Trust me.

I think the real key to addressing the problems the author brings up is figuring out how to take the coercion out of sex. Non-coercive sex is a beautiful thing. Unfortunately however, through the combination of rape, religion, peer pressure, media pressure, and a million other things, women either feel they have to have sex when they don't want to, or that they can't when they do, and the same goes for the how of sex. How do we take coercion out of sex on a societal, not just individual, level? Any thoughts?

There are a couple of levels to this great article, some of which have been touched upon (sorry!) by the excellent comments so far.

One is the corporatization of sex to sell things, converting it into eye-wink and rib-nudge cheesiness to sell cars and cosmetics, and then there is what I would call the 'neoconization' of sex into something filthy and shameful, for the benefit of those in power.

Repressing sexuality in both men and women is necessary to the control of a nation, as every tyranny has shown from the Roman Empire to Hitler. I cannot think of one fascistic government where this has not been true. Of course, as we've seen from the example of the current Republican Party and the days of the Caesars, the elite habitually ignore the sexual taboos they impose on the lower classes of society, and become degenerate and perverse in their pursuit of pleasure, ultimately ending in rape and pedophilia. I don't think the problem is fast or slow sex, both have their good points as JCrumb pointed out, as much as it is making the need for sex itself something to be ashamed of, and, in the bargain, depicting those women who enjoy it outside of marriage -- or even inside of marriage -- as 'whores' or 'sluts' or some other horrendous sexist term. Sexuality is powerful, as the powerful well know, and controlling it is vital to their interests.

Sex is also as necessary to a healthy psyche as food is to the body, and denial or warping of the sex drive causes people, especially men -- as boxing managers and drill instructors have known for at least a century -- to be angry and aggressive, and therefore in a perfect frame of mind to fight for the Fatherland, Motherland, Homeland, or One True Faith. (Recall that the 9/11 attackers were supposedly promised 72 virgins in paradise after they committed suicide for Allah; what was left unsaid was what they would be doing with those virgins. In a milder form, this is what happens in basic training in the US military; young men (usually) are separated from women for 90 days and when they receive their first pass, many go to the nearest town and visit a brothel. They can then return to the base feeling depressed and demeaned while they satisfied their sexual urge. The soldier or Marine is therefore able let a little steam off, but the conditions under which he does so are strictly controlled by the military, and his sexuality is consequently defined by and subjugated to the needs of the state.)

Notice what the regressives of the right-wing hate most: the open and healthy expression of sexuality. They may believe in smaller government, but not when it comes to your privacy in the bedroom. They are obsessed with the sexuality of others, specifically with preventing it at all costs. I'm reminded of what a 'recovering' fundamentalist Christian told me years ago: his small sect was elated at the outbreak of the AIDS epidemic, his pastor gleefully telling his flock, "Finally we have a way to scare America into not having sex!" To their confused minds, God created sex not as a gift to be celebrated and enjoyed, but as a temptation to be controlled or ignored, and they are the most repressed, and consequently the most tempted, of all.

Personally, I have no problem with hardcore porn, the kind that shows real people enjoying themselves and not the silicone-enhanced, mechanical tripe, that looks like it was produced in a badly-decorated Motel 6. I also know women who like porn as well, although they'd be loathe to admit it in public -- more of the early training of our repressive society: "Good girls don't like that sort of thing." My experience is that women and men, with the veneers of social indoctrination removed, are both titillated by the same sorts of things.

Having grown up during the era of Free Love, where sometimes you'd meet someone, become friends, have a loving tryst with no long-term entanglements and no regrets and remain friends, I'm appalled that the corporate media is still trying to shove the 'Some Day Your Prince Will Come' mythology down the throats of young women (sorry, again), and that they continue to market the 'Ideal Perfect Woman' who never farts or grows hair on her legs to young men. (Marriages have dissolved over such inane trivia.) These are miserable fantasies concocted by cynical advertisers and Hollywood studios; what Norman Mailer called the "sentimental cheats of the silver screen" and have caused no end of agony and pain to those who believe them. Much better to know yourself, and appreciate others for what they really are; occasionally, you'll meet a remarkable person and settle down with them but, if you don't, there shouldn't be any shame in staying single and still enjoying a healthy sex life, and that goes for both men and women. It's stunning to think that we live in a culture that prizes self-confidence and individual effort, except when it comes to your genitals -- some Americans still feel horribly guilty when their self-love reaches below the belt, so to speak.

It's as true today as it was in 1968: Those who make more love make less war, on the battlefield and at work -- whether it be slow, sensuous Tantric style or hurriedly in the back of the laundromat while the clothes are drying -- and that's why the Powers That Be hate sex so much and try to twist it to their ends.

http://lawnstogardens.wordpress.com/2008/02/10/2008-the-year-porn-and-ads-merged/

2008 - The Year Porn and Ads Merged

How crude. Crass, I say!

What a despicable attempt to get attention! I mean, you would never watch this kind of thing, would you? Why, sex is awful! Just awful, I say!

It's 2008, and Porn is everywhere. The natural urge for humans to fuck has pervaded technology through and through. Of people I run into that read this blog, many of them have mentioned the Peak Oil girl dance video and the debate arose whether or not people heard her message or were too busy watching her hotness dance.

Since these are advertising people, the debate arose whether advertising and porn have achieved a complete fusion. I say it has, and we may as well admit it, even as this year's Superbowl ads that were banned are a symptom of TV trying to keep control of content.

Just take a look. YouPorn has made God's database of porn a free commodity. People come from all over the world to watch it. The comments sections are filled with praise and critics alike, both men and women, in all sorts of different languages.

YouTube has to keep up with the competition, and allow racy videos to be posted and viewed as long as you click a button saying you are an adult.

(Fun Tip: Turn down the volume of this video and turn up your own favorite music. Tada! Free private strip show.)

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y7e176z0YqU]

Sure, sex has always been used to sell products and services. What's changing, rather, is the level of acceptability in how far advertisers could push sex in people's faces to pimp their wares. People everywhere now have access to whatever gets their rocks off. Even in the middle east, with all that bullshit going on, the people there are sneaking as much sex in as they can using the machines that flow the stuff 24/7, all at our command.

Consumers have always liked choice, and since the Long Tail of the Internet just popped a stiffie, Porn has truly merged consumerism and advertising. TREND SPOTTER: It will be used more and more to try and save the present economy from collapsing. That's because the Internet has become a free virtual Porn store with infinite shelf space. Instead of 30 types of jam, people can pick and choose just about whatever they want in terms of witnessing a sexual experience outside of reality, and advertisers are openly beginning to attach messages to the content - therefore creating economic value to sell goods and services.

The elite have worked for a real long time to suppress this urge in people. They don't want the miserables to know how good it is to live, so they used control of content distribution and religious code in books that make people feel bad about their natural sexual urges, when in fact we are only monkeys that have evolved and no matter what any religious leaders says, humans like to fuck.

Can you name me one year when political leaders and religious leaders don't have a sex scandal break to the headlines? And those are just the ones that get caught.

So it's time for the puritans to put on a pair of hotpants, and realize that while sex is everywhere, it doesn't mean the apocalypse has to happen and that the world is full of evil. The end of days are not nigh, just the end of such suppression.

I look forward to a freed populace that learns how to get its act together and help save the planet while having access to maslow's uber needs.

"LIZARDS input" was well put.

Does that end the sentence with a pre-positon?

Ok now I'm reading through the responses - laughing at lizard's input (oops sorry poor choice of word). Remove the violence and the anti-woman stuff from porn and show more DICK (ok I said it) and all that good stuff and more women MIGHT be into it. I used to write erotica; was paid fairly well for some of my stories. Had a following, mostly men, some women. It was not anti-female or violent. Lizard, please familiarize yourself with Robert Jensen - you can google his name assoc with I think the Univ of Texas - and actually read some of his articles and essays about porn. If you have half the soul Jensen does, you will weep.

57 yr old female geezer chiming in here. I am a lifelong visual female who is incredibly moved by "The Connoisseuse of Slugs." The male anatomy (trying not to use the words I would LIKE to use) is glorious and underappreciated. Also too connected to violence against women in society - major reason for my 9 yr long celibacy. I've become afraid.

This topic is fascinating and important. Wish I had a link here but I urge a search for Toni Morrison's essay on "the pause." It's not disconnected.

Yeah, we geezers are sure more familiar with one kind of slow sex than most young folks. (Though maybe if you multiply the time taken by the number of times geezers and youngsters give sex about the same amount of time.) But time isn't Simonton's point--see the Slow Food link.

Impersonal selfish "quick" sex is a problem; I know, having had too much long ago and far away when I was young. Another problem is that for long time monogamous partners sex tends to get perfunctory and routinized, sort of like assembly line work. Slow sex, I take it, means paying attention, using all your senses (my partner learned to look and loves it; so much for the non-visual female), exploring and being explored, acting on gentle and loving fantasies, and so on. (Quickies of course prohibit none of these.) One way of making Simonton's points is to say that we ought to be having craftsperson rather than industrial sex.

My long time partner is Asian. Public displays of affection, including hand holding let alone a hug and kiss after a long time apart, are just not on. (The younger Asians are more Western and brazen.) But behind closed doors... Over time I have come to find this restraint, this deliberate putting off, a very powerful aphrodisiac. Sometimes a half clothed body really is more exciting than a nekkid one. I wonder if restraint--not denial--is part of what Simonton packs into her notion of slow sex.

Im for it cept I cant seem to find anyone willing to do it with me... seems Im on this thing called an internet reading this thing called an online magazine... hmm... maybe this has something to do with it... darn...

notaslave: Wow - thanks for the links to the MGM sites. I worked in West Africa for two years - tangentially involved with FGM. It was in a village where the prevailing attitude was that for girls to be fully female, their 'maleness' (clitoris) had to be removed. The same for the boys - to be fully male their 'femaleness' (foreskin) had to be removed. But, as your links suggest - these 'purifications' were simply individuals enacting out their own anger and grief and loss on someone else.

Maybe we should all just get over trying to label and categorize and separate ourselves from each other. Maybe we should just let ourselves be fully HUMAN, without any manipulation at all.

Maybe then, we wouldn't need to have discussions on fast sex and slow sex (though I, like most here, like both - depending.)

Ahem. I don't want to point out the pink elephant tiptoeing through the living room here, but a certain issue needs to be central to any discussion about sex in america:

http://www.math.missouri.edu/~rich/MGM/primer.html

And more generally,

http://www.math.missouri.edu/~rich/MGM/birthUSA3.txt

It seems this society has been the target of a vast medical experiment in social control via early imprinting and brain damage.

I believe in multitasking, distracted, abrupt, quickies. You know, where one is only partially aware of one's partner. I pay part of my attention to my orgasm, and another part to the Nintendo control box at the same time. I like my sex that way and I like my politics that way. That's why I always vote for Republicans or Democrats. That's why I always have sex with my trophy wife. Fast and distracted. Leave me out of this slow and considerate stuff!

I agree with Woody Allen..."sex is the most fun I ever had without laughing".

~LIZARD~ You say women don't have the visiualization capacity. __ Wow, I never knew that.

I've always found that sex can be fun and pleasureable, erotic and rewarding, either in a five minute sprint or a two hour stroll. It depends upon the location and the time allowed by circumstances. I've enjoyed having sex with ladies and we barely touched one another, just sat and had a wonderful discussion while taking in the scenery.

I've had people at this site tell me to go have sex with myself, and so I did, __ and it worked out. Someone whom I loved, once told me sex was 50% in the mind. I believe she knew exactly what she was talking about.

It is my mission in life to make America a kinder, gentler, sexier, safer, and productively weirder place to be. I've done a great job! The world IS becoming a kinder, gentler, safer, sexier, AND productively weirder place to be. Thanks to all of us Lightworkers, the Uber-Artists of the 21st Century, and Sluts R Us. BOY oh boy does America need this sort of thing. Nothing like a good, full-body knee tremble to take your mind off your troubles, eh? World Peace Through Sacred Sexuality! Praise the Lord and Lady! OH, BABY.... oh baby.... OH BABY... Peace, Love and Hotpants!

Here's a thought: Hold hands outside in nature. We spend too much time indoors. I believe spending more time as far away from the city as possible is a good way to slow down. Mountains, desert, down by the creek. And forget your cell phone on purpose. Who wants to go camping?

Hey Honest John,
What a lovely comment. Couldn't agree more.

Hey sex is for bonding as well as procreation and come to think of it it seems to reduce the pressure and tension in a person's life and body. I love the comment about holding hands as deeply nourishing and my spontaneous reaction is to recommend full body massage which is really nourishing and " dripping slow". When my loved ones got married my wedding gift was a massage table. The bottom line must be the comfort of the other and the nourishment and well being of BOTH....what a lovely article!!!!

I didn't get the idea the author was intending to force us all into "slow sex" like it or not.
Just that it would be a nice idea to put this out there, for consideration, and
a broader experience. I have suspected for a while that the reason the younger people need fertility drugs to reproduce, is perhaps, the lack of imagination, nuance and subtlety in performing the act.
Then againit coulkdbe the food additives?
ppatton youare quite right, we need a labor union movement and to get the corporations off our backs, so we have time to explore this idea!

I read this article and said to my partner that we should try slow sex. "You mean you want to go for ten seconds instead of five?" she replied.

I felt quite crushed really. I mean I've got chores to do, lawns to mow, plans to make. "It's the quality that counts," I said a little brusquely.

"Yeah," she replied. "Even if I count to five real slow the earth doesn't move."

"Buy a bulldozer then," I replied. It's good to discuss things I reckon!

www.dangerouscreation.com

Oh, gee.

I tried to link to a video where this "past his prime" man is singing, " I just don't look good naked anymore." I know the fealing.

My nonrelational girlfriend has been saying we should take it slow, but I haven't seen her in years. In fact, I'm not sure she actually exists.

Someone out there is having sex, but people taking this article seriously aren't likely to have that experience, at any speed. Sex is irrationally arrived at. Someone, like this author, wanting to box it up and purify it to her own designs will only succeed in doing so if they are a reformed Sports Illustrated cover model.

The last time I had a heartfelt conversation with my girlfriend was when she dumped me. It's been slow sex ever since - so slow I can scarcely feel it. Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. But hey, eternity is worth the wait.

I can hardly wait for sex when I'm dead! That must really be something.

JCRUMB - I owe your dad a lot. Gonna have to go back and re-visit old Fritz...

40 and still with the high school sweatheart? Brilliant. Like the old joke about the tie-died parents producing Brooks Brothers button downs. Doesn't sound like you are one and congrats on the longevity. No accident. Work. And patience.

All the best.

pity the poor male who has no "emotional display" when with a woman.

only in america could a slow sex movement morph into something greater than the anti-war or impeachment movements.

How about bombs that fall slowly, so people having sex can get out from under them?

Sex is for breeding purposes, if cave man got into this other nonsense we would have been lunch for a sabretooth tiger or stomped on by a wooly mamoth. Put it in, squirt, take it out, breed, then move on to the next. This is why you will not stop teen pregnancy it is the peek breeding age for "Homos Stupidus"

mythought, I like your point. Too many people start their relationships with sex and end them - often with kids - when they find out that this person of their dreams was not who they imagined. It would be less messy if they get past the falling in love part before going to the falling in bed part. Certainly better for the kids. It's one thing to love someone, it's another to like them.

kathyodat

I'm not even going to read this yet. I want to meditate on the title for just a little while...

JCRUMB

ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha,...................

Crosswise works.

Most people who are members of AARP know what slow sex is. It is also coming out in polls that
seniors are backing Clinton while the hurry up and get it done youngsters are backing Obama.
I'm 57 but I will vote for Obama, He makes me believe in the good old days and that things will
get better.

Well..
I sort of..Sort of agree...my wife and I are Highschool Sweethearts...I turn big 40..April..and this is our 26th year ..the point..??well..we have had ALL kinds through the years..I was raised on "Porn" as a child of Underground Cartoonist...my "vison" of sex is..well..I guess.."Pimp" like....oh well..we like it..so again..the point? If..IFR it takes All Kinds..and IF this is going to be OKAY...then..well..the Slow Sex movement is..a double standard? I mean, Again, I get it..I really do..and I loathe fast food and never touch it...but a Quickie? Damn! if you get rid of the Quickie...I think frankly, the WORLD WILL SUFFER...
We just simply cannot LIMIT sexual expression even for a "good cause"...we just can't...sexual expression MUSt remain without ANY BOUNDRIES...of course excepting Murderous impulses, unwilling parties, children..but RAPIDIDTY?..I dunno..it definitely has it's place..I mean how are you going to have slow, soul gazing sex..behind the laundromat??? or in the lavatory of a DC8...??
So again...I get it..and I agree..but there is a double standard..and it really does not matter..why am I even taking a position in this..? forget it..have a good weekend..sorry..

If we really want to reduce the pace of our lives, what we need most is not a slow food movement or a slow sex movement, what we need most is a *labor union movement*. Individual choices to do things more slowly ultimately flounder on the fact that larger economic constraints determine the pace of our lives.

I respect the Bonobo chimpanzees. The way these gifted creatures resolve their disputes is through sex instead of violence. That's why they are called "the make love not war" chimps. Humans should take a lesson from their cousins.

What about going back to slow traditional dating? If you are under 30 you may not have experienced traditional dating much as its nearly disappered. Traditional dating is a pleasure in its own right and its wonderful to get to know a person.

I mean young people especially women are suffering from low-self esteem from the hook-up cultures, friends with benefits culture, sex with everyone=empowerment for women culture, all wrongly promoted by the media. Young Women are not told the potential fallout of this on their bodies, emotions, and health. Most young women still want marriage and families but this dream eludes many twenty-somethings.
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/17540879/

Whoa, Common Dreams is stirring up wet dreams, as far as I can tell. I'm not sure about the smoking connection, but herb is slower than those five or six puffs.

Living in Europe, people are just outraged when some purddish American lectures them about smoking cigarettes; how can a country that is the biggest polluter lecture Europeans on clean air?

But again, to cite that great American, Groucho Marx:

"Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar"

From common Dreams to Wet dreams, look out Loretta!

hmmm. I agree with the author that something is wrong in our fast-food type sex culture. I'm not sure it has to do with the speed of the actual sex act. Fast and dirty sex could be incredibly intimate and human, shared with a person you love and cherish, and you could certainly have slow sex on an empty one-night stand with a person who didn't respect you. Let's not put too many rules on our sex lives, because rules limit our creativity, and deprive us of our ability to fully enjoy sex. What we need is to be more in touch with our spirits - this country is in a spiritual crisis, and more in touch with each other (COMMUNICATION!). If we are in touch with ourselves and our partners, we shouldn't need a timer to know if we are doing harm. Of course, we may have have to slow our lives down enough so that we can hear our own feelings. And yes, let's have, but not limit ourselves to, slow sex, and more to the point let's respect each other and ourselves.

Thank you, Ann Simonton, great article. One thing that caught my attention was the reference to smoking and that public health programs have reduced adult smoking by half. Teen smoking rates had been climbing since 1992 and then in 2000 the American Cancer Society designed a program that was gender specific and started achieving not major but significant results. In our culture teens are unable to be candid and vulnerable in the presence of the opposite sex. Being sexualized means having to act a role, not just be real and authentic.

Daniel David, I don't think anyone thought you were one dimensional, just deluded about the Democratic Party.

kathyodat

An interesting article... acouple of connections
Byatt's Babel Tower, an excellent read with a constant reference to snails mating habits throughout, sequel is also excellent
Foucault always talked about sexuality as part of increasing state power formation and control...including the sexual revolution (and I would assume SLOW sex could easily fit into a "lifestyle" choice)

Slow Sex -Yes!
-And while we're at it, let's expand our definition and experience of Eros. Let's meet and explore the "vast-land between nothing and sex" with sensual practices that give us a vocabulary and context to be more in-our-bodies and more adept at sex, sensuality and Eros.
Namaste,
Sunyata www.mythiclove.net/sunyata

Thanks, buffalo ken. I'm not really the one-dimensional neanderthal that so many here imagine that I am.

Daniel David - you have finally written a post I can agree with!

A couple of observations related to the article (but not related much to each other.)

The problem we have with the exponential growth of pornography is rooted in what we allow corporations to do in our world. Actors may "perform", but corporations (exclusively) do the distribution. If unincorporated porn actors merely went out on the street to "perform" for donations into the proverbial tin cup, they would be promptly arrested--with no successful defense of "free speech rights" available to them. Why we're not able to control the corporations in this regard (and many others as well) is a mystery only voters can ultimately unravel.

As for slow, sweet, safe intimacy, I recommend hand-holding as one of the most delightful activities two people can engage in. Safe and sweet for middle schoolers and the same all the way to old age. If you haven't been doing that much lately, I hope you can have an opportunity to catch up on it with someone. I personally believe it's therapeutic (like they also say is the case with petting your dog or cat.)

Hand-holding is way, way, way under-rated.

Corporate America has purience completely covered, a great weapon indeed. Employees are reamed, the middle class shafted . You're a pervert if you get in the way of profits. If she's 17 you're doing time, otherwise, film it and it's marketable media.
Quick gratification is what it's all about: pumping loads of concrete and filth onto mother earth. Payloads of coercive violence. a sublime pleasure indeed, carried in the bosom of a massive tanker, headed for Iraq and Afghanistan so that our boys can ram it up their backsides.

Slow sex - I'm all for it.

How about these also:

1. Slow train rides.
2. Slow strolls in the woods.
3. Slow dancing.
4. Slowing down and smelling the roses....

Peace,
Ken

Well, CD finally goes My Space with a deep discussion on the advantages of slow mo rather than Johnny Fuck'er Faster. Keep up the good work!

In a word : Tantra

The way to reclaim sexual power and dignity
The path towards a future we can actually live in
Lots of young adults are already on that path
(especially Eastern Europeans, they come from a very old bloodline)

The tantric path is open to all. However, in my experience, sexually mature people
do not indulge in same - sex intimacy. It is basically a way to avoid the 'other'.

When men learn to Tantrically control ejaculatory orgasm, we will have finally
rediscovered spiritual fire. Why has this practice been 'disappeared' ? Who or what
benefits from the chaotic energies characteristic of our 'normal' sexual behaviors ?

BUFFALO KEN

i like your number 4............

ET AL

everything today is tooooooooo fast. a little slower would perhaps help us in this turmoiled world we live in.

The author seems to be sexually naive. She thinks she has discovered slow sex. She thinks pornography is fast sex. Clearly she does not know pornography or how it can be used. A female is ill suited to comment on pornography as this is not somethiong women can relate to, they don't have the visiualization capacity. Sex is something that evolves with experience. Fast sex is not a product of American culture, it is the product of inexperience. I'm sure all over the world the first experience is bound to be frantic. All over the world, experience teaches you to slow down sex. That's it, that's all. There is nothing profound about it. I suspect the author is growing sexually and thinks she has made a profound discovery. Well, welcome to good sex, I hope.

I think what the author is commenting on is the way the mass media teaches young men and women about sex in a way that limits possibilites - ie the drippingly slow and deeply intimate sex many above have commented on as being fantastic - is almost non-existent. In this media world, women are judged by how much they "put out" rather than who they are, and "falling in love" is considered weak. Combined = disaster for young women's confidence.

That said, she should be careful not to fall into the "quickies are bad" or "casual sex is evil" type of thinking, which is equally oppressive to women because of its moralistic tone and a history of the misogynist degradation of promiscuous women. Another disaster for young women's confidence.

Can we get rid of the virgin/whore divide for once and for all?! I like my sex slow and then quick and then slow and then quick. It's like the whole "burqas are oppressive, no highheels and miniskirts are oppressive, no burqas" debate. We need choice, and the author is right to point out that slow sex is underappreciated in today's pop culture, but certainly fast sex doesn't have to be equivalent to cigarette smoking. CHOICE.

Thoughts_Into_Action - that's a big assumption you're making that people taking this article aren't having any sex. Might it be that people NOT taking this article seriously are the ones having trouble getting laid?

This is such a brilliant piece, it's hard to know where to start. Drawing parallels between our fast food fetish and our quickie culture is very revealing. The fact that sex can even be thought of in such terms shows who's in charge here--would women ever dream of getting-it-on-and-over-with as soon as possible? I love the "sex-industrial-complex." For in the end, it's all about economics. The divide-and-conquer "strategy" of men (as evident in our war-torn world of today as it is throughout history) started when they strategically made women property.
Women have been the cornerstone of the marketplace, buying ever-more goods, better goods, anything that'll bring them up to men's "standards." The "setup," taken for granted, is that men and women are in opposition. That's what we're sold, and it sells. To paraphrase Naomi Wolf, if that lie was ever corrected, Wall Street would collapse. So we have to keep the charade and the lies intact. For business.

Hi Poet, anything Robert Jensen puts his pen to is worth the money. Easy Google.

No more fast wars.

More long, slow periods of peace.

An excellent book exploring this and related themes further is:

Getting Off: Pornography and the End of Masculinity by Robert Jensen.

Like the thoughtful article above, this book is best read slowly for the sake of contemplation and understanding the full impact of what is being said.