It should not be the function of public education to teach one view of morality as morality is an evolving community effort. Education is about teaching facts or how to find then; and, how to vet opinions, not what opinions to form. Do schools teach about what is or isn't a good marriage? Schools cannot take the place of church or parents ..." just the facts mam."

It's not "an incomplete telling of the truth". It's an outright lie meant to deceive the reader. In America if you can't persuade people with the facts then you lie to them. What a country!
Hoa binh

Three decades ago the Unitarian church in Newton MA came up with a sex education program that stressed biological facts and responsibility to ones self and one's partner. I have no stats on how successful it was, but it sure made sense.

Take a tip from countries that treat sex as a health issue instead of having religion dictate a government's response. They have lower teen sex, out of wedlock pregnancies, and STD's. They must be doing something right. A well-informed citizenry is always better than a deliberately frightened and lied-to population.

I am 66 years old and my life was scarred by a lack of an honest sex education. My sex education was a pamphlet I found hidden in a clost. Perhaps it was better than the total lack others have had to live through, but it sucked.

The hurt to myself would be bearable, but the hurt inflicted on others because of ignorance is harder to come to terms with.

Tell kids the truth they need to know so they have an honest chance to cope with the chaos and storm of feelings that come when the hormones kick in.

koalaburger....Well said.

Why is open talk about sex such a taboo in our country?

I'm with Chuck... it is unhealthy.

Folk who believe in a virgin birth aren't my choice for educators of sex education.

"It is never appropriate to lie to our children..."

Unless we're talkin Santa, the Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy, "anyone can be President," and some God created the entire everything but blesses America only.

I believe we should advocate for sex education. At the same time though we should teach young people to value themselves and others and to empower them beyond the sexual objectification that they face which is driven by our media. The media is saturated with sex and young people pick up on that message. Engaging in sex with multiple sex partners does not empower young women but the media would like them to think so. I think we need to build better self-confidence in our young men and women and to teach them that their partners should value them beyong being a peice of meat.

Parents need to learn how to teach their kids what they need to know. I don't think sex education should be a part of the education system, any more than I think religion should be. We have churches for religion, and homes for sex education and the more personal things kids need to know.
Government intervention has taken a lot of parental rights and responsibilities away from them.

DC BELTWAY: You raised the point I intended to make... that the media is absolutely THROBBING with sex and it absolutely challenges any notion of abstinence. In the same way kids today are exposed to the fallacious "war on drugs" while television boasts a dazzling array of pharmaceutical (that's drugs!) ads, the message from some churches/families to disregard sex (or the actual feelings IN the body) is entirely undermined by the messages in film, music videos, and the MSM's glamorization of people like Britney Spears.

WILMOOR: In a perfect (US) world of nuclear families with caring, patient parents like Beaver Cleaver's own, sex education might be solid issuing from the home base. Today there are many kids who are growing up in foster homes, single parent homes, or other arrangements. Due to the economic logistics of our times, oftentimes both parents work and they may return home too exhausted to have meaningful conversations. Ours has become an atomized society, and the loss of bonds in the home, the forfeiture of meaningful family time to virtual reality (on line), or TV intensifies the all too human search for intimacy. It's starting VERY young these days. The protections are all peeling away, and many kids feel on their own.

wilmoor and dcbeltway,

Sex education is a pure joke out here in the deep south. From preschool on up, kids keep talking about the other sex and by teenage years, all this shitty dating mess begins. Worse, if you're not married by your late 20s, male or female, then society condescends you at least out here in the Deep South. Yet they somehow thinks it is ok if you're 30+ and you're single due to divorce/separation.

The media is filled with unmarried singles and people who have divorced as many as 5 times ! We need to ignore the fucked up media and stop subscribing to their tellies. Besides, this is a perfect example of the fact that until the Progressive Movement does that and stops relying on media polling to tell them what to do., it will get nowhere.

Writing as someone whom has worked with teenagers as a soccer coach, abstinence only as a sex education strategy is completely divorced from reality. The only ones whom profit from it are the hucksters who supply Bible oriented sex education materials to the schools unfortunate or stupid enough to go along so they can get federal dollars. It is even more futile than the "War on Drugs." It is also no surprise that the the USA's biggest rates of teen pregnancy & STD's takes place in the Bible Belt. After all, ignorance about sex is no impediment to doing it.

RuthK and Chuck ... ditty here. I'm 56 yrs old. At the age of 10 and the start of my periods (I had no knowledge of them), my mother handed me a little booklet from a Kotex box and told me to go read it in the privacy of my bedroom. It told me I could still ride horses. To this day I've never ridden a horse so I guess I got it all wrong. The line drawings were of women wearing dirndel skirts & pearls; to this day when I see pearls I get cramps. In my 27 yrs of marriage I never enjoyed sex - think my ex had a similar upbringing. We were so stupid - but .... NEVER PREGNANT! My mother taught me to keep my knees together - that plus multiple forms of birth control did the job. What an ef'd up existence - one I regret tremendously. We owe the young people so much more in the way of healthy outlooks on EVERYTHING - and yet we continue to disappoint them, I'm sure.

Take good care of yourselves....Juliann

I think sex education absolutely belongs in school as do other healthy lifestyle classes, such as nutrition and phy- ed. I have no problem telling my 15 year old daughter that I feel having sex as a high schooler is too young but if she decides she is mature enough (against her parents' better judgement), that with that maturity should be responsibility to use birth control and I will help get it for her. No problem telling her that her partner has to care for her as much or more than her parents. That there has to be respect. That is should not be casual.
She just went through an abstinence-based program at her high school. One class period focused on birth control and most of it was showing them pictures of what infected uteruses looked like. A speaker came in and used ridiculous analogies and the teenagers made a joke of it and weren't taking any of it seriously. Her health teacher is a neighbor and he hates the curriculum and says it doesnt' work or there wouldn't be an increase in teen pregnancies and STDs at the high school.

Abstinence in America is a folly. America insists on this folly which results in unprotected sex, which results in teen pregnancies, which according to many is a good thing. Of course, have the babies, but once they are born you my dear child are on your own, as helping you out would be considered welfare or socialism. This is definitely one of the most flawed acceptable senarios this country promotes. When we carry this idea to other countries and refuse to offer any assistance in countries raging with Aids unless they accept our screwed up morality of abstinence we are not doing anyone a favor. The amount of money spent on promoting abstinence should be well spent on sex education and contraseptives here at home and in other countries as well.

The concept of "sex education" is such an anathema to the Christian Right that it needs to be incorporated into "Health Education" courses that should be taught to every high school freshman. The course could include proper diet, exercise, personal cleanliness, etc.

To: Chuck Cliff who wrote:
"I am 66 years old and my life was scarred by a lack of an honest sex education. My sex education was a pamphlet I found hidden in a closet. ..."

I understand completely although I think it was worse for women. I am 71. Back then, sex education consisted of trading stories with other uninformed teenagers. Like you, I feel that my life was probably damaged by this. I grew up in a nonfunctional family and in a neighborhood where I saw personnel relations that were pretty bad. That, along with the stories I heard, left me frightened of intimate relationships and marriage.

I thought the country had progressed beyond those times. But, now I wonder if we're returning to the dark ages.

"Abstinence makes the heart grow fonder." No, wait, that's "absence." My bad.

The problem is that the right wingers conflate abstinence as an ideal, assuming 100% compliance, with actual behavior; intelligent people realize that, like condoms and other contraceptives, abstinence education has a failure rate--and a substantial one. Empiric data show that abstinence only education not only does not increase the rate of actual abstinence but that, compared with comprehensive sex education, it leads to more risky behavior. The Christianists hide behind the moralistic formulation that teaching about safer sex and contraception condones promiscuity, which is akin to saying that designated driver promotion condones drunkenness. Their stance, as with their opposition to lifesaving needle exchange programs for drug users, is moralistic, but it's not moral.

The future of honest sex education from all angles is on websites. Schools won't and perhaps can't cover it correctly, due to local or larger political pressures. Certainly the recent abstinence-only movement and the vicious political assault on Clinton's first Surgeon General (for merely mentioning masturbation) are proof we have trouble talking "officially" to the kids with candor. It's tough work to tell somebody else's kids what they need to see and know without being bashed by some of the parents.

Well, websites don't have these problems, and the trend is already being started by some volunteers. I'm not talking about more porn, but rather the complete truth presented in unabashed fashion. This is coming, and actually is needed worldwide for both population control and STD prevention. I'd predict we'll see this grow exponentially, and I'd predict that the more it is directed at boys about how to TRULY love girls (how to love, not just how to "make love") in both the short and long term, the more effective it will be.

NateW January 13th, 2008 6:06 pm

Right, the policy plays to the christian right base but the money flows to their phony leaders. Many of these "morale leaders" are lining their pockets with tax dollars sent over by Bush & Co. But you won't find the IRS looking into their affairs, at least for now. The ones that have the right idea won't get any press.

AlexLawyer January 13th, 2008 8:46 pm

Your analogy about designated drivers and drinking is right on. But, if your tried talking this way to most of this policies supporters they would stare blankly back at you.

The whole abstinence platform is really set up as a mind----. Just look at the titles
of feature stories blaring out at you from the 'ladies' magazines at the supermarket checkout. How to please him 101 ways ! Have the best orgasm ever ! Five hot new ways to do it ! and (new issue of Cosmo) Dirty, Dirty sex ! etc. etc. ad nauseum -- these mags are really peddling soft porn and probably every child who can read at fifth grade level has checked them out. But be sure to practice abstinence in your own adolescence ! Personally, I think setting up such a blatant dichotomy is by design. You would almost think we are the sexual toys of the Matrix (or something).

Kids are going to experiment with sex -- always have, always will. The most we can do is a) give them complete and accurate information b) try to role model healthy relational behavior ourselves and c) impress upon them that sexual energy is a potent force beyond any of our imagining.

Christians teach ignorance (abstinence) because they know nothing about sexuality themselves, except how to twist, hate, exploit, fear and deform it....If kids actually learn something they won't need Christianity, will they?

I am currently struggling with this issue with my daughter, just turned 14, very pretty, very popular.

Having been in a relationship with a women who was a sex-addicted teen (50 partners while still a teen, sex with men old enough to be her father, child given up for adoption at 19 ect. and the devastation of her life because of it, I can truly see both sides of this debate.

I don't think abstinence is a practical solution. I am also dismayed by the sexualization of EVERYTHING. I have tried to be there for my daughter - my ex wife won't talk about it. I have tried to explain that I felt sex should be a positive experience, when one is old enough, and would hopefully take place within the framework of a caring relationship.

I don't want my daughter to think that sex is somehow shameful. I also don't want her to hand it out to every guy who comes along because she thinks that it shows love and acceptance. It doesn't. I have tried to convey how I feel about it, and also talk about protection being used.

It is new territory for me, with no clear answers.

The biggest thing I have against abstinence only education. In relies on fear, intimidation, misinformation, out and out lies and religious dogma to get it's message across. Anything that relies on fear to get it's message across is going to cause sexual problems later in life. When you have spent 17 years of your life being told sex is dirty by overly religious parents. It isn't easy to instantly turn on the sexual spigot and enjoy sex once it's become legal to do so. That's the down side to the abstinence only programs. When you have had the idea beaten into your head for so long that sex is sinful and wicked. There winds up being hang ups there that comes from the repressive sexual childhood. That can have just as devastating effect as a promiscuous behavior does. It's like to many things in this country that pass for morally right. It's based on religious dogma out of the bible. This might be all right for some people. But, I really resent it being shoved down my throat. I raised my children to be responsible adults but they didn't get the 'fear mongering' that I was raised with and comes from to much religion. It's a deplorable practice that will come back to haunt them in spades.

BLIGH -- I think you sound exactly as one should: concerned, empathic, committed, caring, unconditional, respectful, compassionate, and most importantly open to discussion.

Thank you for being vulnerable and open to bring these thoughts out, as that kind of authenticity is far more important that the actual words and thoughts themselves.

As I said on another posting, INTERCOURSE is Creator's own poetry. Wilhelm Reich was given a lobotomy in the US (I often wonder if "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest" was symbolically based on him and the power of his writing?) because his research led to the conclusion that sexually repressed people make great fodder for totalitarian regimes. It's NOT an accident that the church teaches abstinence, or that sex is a sin because human sexuality is an exceedingly potent force. I often joke with my friends that being brought up in Jewish home, I got branded by the "money guilt." Example, "You had to spend $50 on that shirt, you could have gotten it on sale!" Whereas my Christian friends got the sex guilt. I lived in London at 20 (part of a college exchange program) and was vastly aware of the privilege of my life and the time period of my coming of age... that there WAS effective birth control, that I had my own $ and could vote and choose my partners or friends as I saw fit. Notice that the inroads into female empowerment which are a direct result of access to birth control are now being eroded by the so-called righteous among us, who would, in the name of democracy, re-invent another age of female submission.

My friend Lynne says of intense sex, "it's a straight shot to God." Amen to that. This is why making love is a direct protest to those that would make war. The analogy holds roots that fall deeply into the human psyche and how it's been twisted (on purpose!) by religion!

SIOUXROSE -- Yes, we must all rise up to the new revolution of real sexual freedom, and make peace with that "straight shot to God."

I don't agree with abstinence ONLY programs, but I do think that abstinence should be included in a comprehensive sex ed program. Abstinence can be ENCOURAGED, but the other options should be taught, so that kids can be safe. You can stress that abstinence is the only way that's 100% effective, but you also need to teach proper condom use, and talk about its effectiveness, as well as the other contraceptive methods, and what they can and cannot protect against (e.g. Pill is effective against pregnancy, but does nothing to prevent STDs). The kids need info on all the options, so that they can make informed decisions, whether they decide to have sex or not.

A comprehensive sex ed program also needs to include information about homosexual relations, because abstinence-only programs do NOTHING to address the concerns of gay and lesbian teens, since currently, they don't have the option of marrying.

You Common Dreamers responding to this article have posted well thought answers and solutions, as well as some true experiences. I can only add a footnote from history. The Medieval Church made masturbation a 'crime' or 'sin' because the act itself meant independent thinking of the individual from the religious dogma which kept the clergy in power and in cahoots with the ruling class. If a person questioned the 'moral' teachings of the priestcraft in regards to sexual behavior, what else would they question?

Starting in kindergarten, we should be teaching abstinence from violent behavior and war against fellow human beings.

Religious Fanatics have a darned good reason for hating human sexuality; they can't control it. It's a way older and more powerful force than their religious dogma. So they want to co-opt it. In the perfect world of the religious right, people's sex lives would be mandated: With whom, when, where, and why of sexual expression would be entirely dictated by the the religious right. They will hurt and kill innocent people in order to obtain that power of dictating to the rest of us about sexual matters (whether the issue is contraception, homosexuality, etc.). And now they have a insane president who is in lockstep with them. He IS the Liar-in-Chief . . . let him go teach abstinance-only sex education!

Wow, you folks are something. I read CD because I look for intelligent, progressive thinking on social and political issues. These posts aren't what I am used to. Most adults, regardless of faith, are concerned about teens and sex. They are ill prepared for the power of it, they are ill prepared for children and many other complications. Christians realize this along with most other people with a brain. The abstinence only does seem to be a failure along with many other attempts to control teen sexual behavior. Have you seen the secular public school programs in "health class?" and you want to describe Christians as stupid! yeesh.

We live in an over sexualized culture. We adults create that. Adult CEO's Adult movie makers, adult TV writers and programers, Adult teachers, adult clothing designers etc. etc.

Teens are developmentally still children. They will not change because you give them "scientifically accurate information" or try to scare them abstinent. They watch us, the adults. They learn from us. How long can we stay with the game of "do as I say, not as I do".

Hey Jack37 - do you know any Christians? Do they all teach ignorance? Do all Muslims blow up skyscrapers? What the hell is wrong with you? Many Christians are intelligent, kind people who believe in a greater truth. Same can be said of other faiths. Yes, ignorance and unkindness shows up, seems to me that is shows up everywhere, in the believers and non believers. The common denominater in my book is the human heart. I try to deal with the brokeness of my heart through faith. You don't have to. I have teen kids. I am talking to them about all the risks of young adulthood. I give them accurate information. I try very hard to practice what I preach. I remind them that they will have to deal with the consequences of their choices. I do remind them that if you don't do it, you won't have to deal with it. Or is that just ignorant?

Last thought, the religious right may be Christian, they may not be Christian. The 9/11 hijackers may have been Muslim or not. These people do not represent all people of faith. It also seems true that some athiests and agnostics can be stupid, violent and ridiculous. Try not to talk like a neocon republican unless you are one.

As a teenager and freshman in college, it's like a breath of fresh air to know not everyone is an idiot. In my health class the teacher wasn't allowed to talk about any kind of birth control. And I KNOW that the faculty at school was not oblivious to the fact the tons of students were sexually active. We had more than 5 pregnancies in my senior year! And besides, we all know that telling kids "no" only makes them want to do it more. Girls AND boys need to know how each method of birth control works, costs, when the right time to have sex might be, etc. etc. And personally, I think they need to get someone who can RELATE to them, to tell them about it. Not just some yuppie teacher who thinks he knows it all. And lastly, the parents. They need to not be afraid to talk to their kids about this stuff. But when is the right time? Well, whenever you decide. If it feels awkward talking to them about it, handwrite them a letter instead, explaining why you don't want to sit them down and have the birds and beeds conversation face to face. Then tell them all you want them to know. I would have preferred my father doing this instead of telling me how he thinks I'll become sexually active while in college, to be careful, and also to not get too serious with that guy I was seeing. Geez oh peets.

Koalaburger hit the nail on the head.

The Puritans have never released their fell grip upon our nation, and their underlying "deep seated fear that somebody, somewhere, is having a good time."

Sex among teenagers is not new, and it will not ever go away. My grandmother was pregnant with my dad when she got married - that would have been around 85 years ago.

I have a friend in his 50s who got married at the age of 15 because his girlfriend got pregnant. I have many friends, acquaintances, and family members ranging in current age from 18 to over 100 (if they were still alive) who either had children when they were in their teens or got married. My ex-husband's grandmother was married at 17 and wasn't even pregnant. Kids often just married much younger years ago, which effectively took care of some of the problem of raging hormones.

When I was in high school, at least 3 of the most popular girls in my senior class were pregnant at graduation. Others had dropped out of school to have their babies. I graduated in 1966.

In fact, during my high school years, there was a huge scandal with the football team concerning a girl or girls who were rumored to have had sex with the entire team.

Human beings reach physical sexual maturation long before they reach emotional maturation. (Which may not ever occur for some people anyway.) In any case, trying to prevent teenagers from having sex by informing them of the consequences is like trying to stop kids from playing football because they might get injured.

Kids do foolish things. Is there anyone out there who didn't do something dangerous or downright stupid as a teenager? I remember as a teenager living on Long Beach Island, NJ, swimming across the channels in the bay at night with no life jacket. My friends and I would sometimes swim out past the breakers in the ocean at night and go body surfing.

Some of my friends and I rode with the East Coast Angels motorcycle club and got into some rather risky situations. And when I talk to other adults around my age, my escapades sound very tame. It's impossible to impress danger upon someone who feels invincible.

There's nothing more dangerous to a young person than going to war. Compared to this, teen pregnancy is a cakewalk. But very few 18 year olds who sign up for the armed services believe they will be the ones to die or come home maimed.

And, finally, I had a baby when I was 15. There were many emotional issues surrounding my pregnancy, and abstinance-only education would have had absolutely no impact on my sexual activity. The fact that I had a father who was compassionate, was more than willing to take on the responsibility of helping me raise my child (and finish raising me) and was not embarrassed by my "condition" enabled me to go on to a productive, happy life.

In spite of my "success" story, I surely would advise teenagers to abstain from sex. As an adult, I'm quite aware of the emotional impact of intimacy, even if pregnancy doesn't occur. And if it does, no matter how supportive the family is, childhood is cut short.

Comprehensive sex education with information on access to birth control and real in-depth discussions of how earley sexuality and pregnancy impacts our lives is probably the best approach to a very complex problem. I was going to say "solution," but there is really no solution. Teenagers are walking, talking hormones. They WILL have sex and some WILL get pregnant. And the solution to that is compassion, support, love, and the discussion of options - the best of which are not the same for every situation.

Religious aversion to sexuality really does exist, and it really is a major problem that doesn't stop kids from having sex. It does, however, often create guilt about sexuality that lasts far into adulthood.

I can't believe I need to say this but apparently some people don't know it:

Sex is an expression of what Schopenhauer called the Will. It is natures' way of propagating the species and we will have sex of some kind whether we want to or not. You may resent your need for food, water, and sex but you are a natural animal and you WILL do as you are told.

It's no big deal unless some Puritanical parent or priest or teacher tries convince an innocent child not to do it. Oh you can make them feel guilty, cripple them emotionally, drive them to psychotic behavior, but YOU CAN'T GET RID OF SEX. And it is almost as stupid to make up a bunch of rules about how and when and who can have sex.

Can't you get that through your head?

I've had multiple sex partners but I never thought of myself, or anyone else, as a "piece of meat". To me everything is a spiritual act. Just to be able to breathe is a supreme gift. And to be able to make love is wonderful.
I'm not about to prescribe morality, tell anyone how to live their lives. I've never thought in terms of slut/whore. I can't figure out what people are talking about when they put down people, especially young women. Who in this world is not to be eminently valued? Shouldn't we try to see through another person's eyes, as we do our own, feel their hopes and dreams, falterings and sufferings, joys and sadness?
Why can't we just provide help and information instead of domination? To me, "abstinence only" is all about the latter; it's not about treating others with the respect that they deserve. It's about control. Stupid, stupid.