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TechnoratiThe Case of the Contraband Underpants
Who was smuggling illegal underwear to my client in Guantanamo? I would have to investigate
I am beginning to wonder whether someone has a sense of humour down in Guantanamo Bay. I was visiting the base recently and noticed a sign that announced the Task Force "value of the week": it was compassion. And then came the case of the contraband underpants.
I received a letter from an officer at the base suggesting that I might have smuggled some underwear in to my client, the British resident Shaker Aamer. Apparently Shaker had been "recently discovered to be wearing Under Armour briefs and a Speedo bathing suit". It seems he was wearing both contraband items in his cell at Camp Echo, where he has been in total isolation almost continuously since 24 September 2005, with only the flush of his steel toilet for company.
Initially, I wondered whether someone was pulling my leg. I was not sure what Under Armour underpants were, but Google filled me in: and Shaker pulling on his Speedos over some kind of form-fitting, moisture-wicking, performance apparel presented an improbable image. The authorities' records must reflect that I have not seen Shaker for more than a year; besides, there is a camera permanently focused on him in his cell that can hardly have missed such a splendid vision for so long. It was patently absurd that I would forsake my usual task - issuing legal briefs - for the business of supplying microfibre ones.
Although I was not the smuggler of this unique contraband, I felt an obligation to help solve the case. My investigation revealed the Under Armour brand to be popular with the US military. Indeed, the internet tells us that this "specialty clothing-maker is winning over soldiers and cashing in on war". The company has come out with a special line called Tactical Under Armour, so a soldier can be kitted out in camouflage green in the field even when he is caught with his trousers down. In one advertising image, a soldier is posed in his Under Armour looking as if he'd just as soon take a hill as take off on a run. His muscular arms protrude from the tight, olive-coloured fabric. He's a picture of soldierliness. And he's totally dry.
For a moment, it seemed that this alternative case for the prosecution was cut and dried as well - a soldier must have supplied Shaker with the offending undergarment. But then I came across the US amateur powerlifting association's website, and I learned that the unmentionables were mentioned there as well.
"I was wondering what the rule on Under Armour is?" queried the lifter Andy Obermann. "I wear the briefs with my squat suit - it makes it soooo much easier to get over my thighs. My first meet is coming up and I wanted to get that squared away before I show up. Thanks."
Perhaps some powerlifter had somehow slipped the smalls to Shaker? It seemed unlikely.
The swimming trunks posed a different dilemma: presumably the prosecution would theorise that Shaker wore his Speedos while paddling in his privy, that being the only water available to him. How to prevent such an outrage? I remembered a sign at a neighbour's pool in my youth and felt that if it reversed its admonition, it might prove helpful under the circumstances. The military could erect prohibitory signs in each prison cell: "We don't pee in your swimming pool, so please don't swim in our toilet."
When I started talking to people about the case of the contraband underpants, I was inundated with suggestions. Various folk queried whether I stood accused of "material support for terrorism". Fearing that the prisoners were déshabillés, an underwear distributor volunteered 2,000 free pairs of boxer shorts. Others suggested that we donate to each prisoner a pair in Guantanamo orange, stamped across the rear "Fair Trial My Arse". We were told that we must add proper care instructions - "Not suitable for waterboarding".
I am told the investigation is now closed, but my name has not been cleared: the authorities apparently prefer to keep the source of the contraband smalls a secret.
Clive Stafford Smith is legal director of Reprieve, a UK charity that provides front-line investigation and legal representation to prisoners denied justice by powerful governments across the world. The Eight O'Clock Ferry to the Windward Side: Seeking Justice in Guantanamo Boy is published by Nation Books. He writes this column monthly. Contact him at Reprieve: info@reprieve.org.uk or PO Box 52742, London EC4P 4WS
17 Comments so far
Show Alllittlem85:
Yes, Road To Guantanamo has many valuable teachings along with a quality docu-drama style. I actually felt that I was back in Pakistan (1969) when watching the early part of the film.
A parting statement by one of the abused "detainees" was that "If it doesn't kill you, it will make you stronger". And the fellow who made that statement seemed to have avoided falling into a state of mindless hatred yet found a very enduring confidence and determination.
Apart from lowering the international legitimacy of our already resented nation, the criminals and fools in Washington and the Pentagon do not realize that torture and insulting inhumane treatment does not stop resistance, but in fact, has the opposite effect.
The French learned this bitter lesson in both Vietnam and Algeria. Treat people in a racist and inhumane manner and you have created a powerful reason for them to fight the oppressor from now until the end of time.
You guys should also watch The Road to Guantanamo.
It's about 4 British Muslims who go to Pakistan for one of their friend's wedding just after 9/11. They visit Afghanistan. One of them dies in a bombing. The other three (come to be known as the Tipton Three) are captured by U.S. troops and sent to Gitmo...It's a very good movie and really shows what's going on there.
Also, people should buy and read Guantanamo: The Detainees Speak. It's a compilation of 22 poems written by some detainees. It's extremely moving and really hits home the horrible human crime that Gitmo is.
I am reading Mr. Smith's book "Eight O'Clock Ferry to the Windward Side". If you haven't read it, you must pick up a copy. These horrors must come out in the open,and this book helps.
KAPLANMA: LOL about "value of the weak"...too true, it's so sad : (
Unfortunately, Mr. Smith, you misread the sign at Guantanamo. It didn't say "Value of the week" was compassion, it said "Value of the weak" was compassion. That would have been a more honest depiction of the thinking of our American xtian criminal fellows who set up this hell on earth.
what can I say, this calls for a few moments of improvisation !
cruel bombs absorb tender wishes
a million pieces of broken dreams
capital injecting digital banks
the universal narcotic of cash
desire turns the planet backwards
before a clear eye can blink
time passes infiltrating lies
eroding shores of innocence
infinite mutations embrace
dead souls of institutions
thoughts projected from madness
assumed to be real and true as war
this path too small for the short sighted
faith once catalyzed nearly burned out
ahead lies the valley the Mecca I knew
let my freedom leap the Milky Way .
"Underwear stories are somehow more interesting and fun when they're about underwear in Washington..."
Were you actually 'privy' as to what often passes as 'underwear' in the Beltway, you'd find that "regrettable and beyond humor", also...[remember J.Edgar?]
Speaking of underpants, have you all heard about the new campaign of sending ladies' undies to the junta in Burma? I'm not joking. It's in the UK Independent today.
Seems the generals are very superstitious and they believe that contact with women's underwear would cause them to lose their power. If only! You can send them along to the generals directly or a Burmese embassy.
The Congressional Democrats have done nothing about the abomination at Guantanamo for all these years. Maybe they need a little sermon to help them understand it. So...
For all of you who uphold the abomination at Guantanamo, or consent to it, or pass over it in silence, an everlasting fire is prepared in the darkness of Hell.
What excuse will you claim?
Were you afraid?
Now fear the Lord, and burn.
This is just harassment, pure and simple. It is so sick. They have no respect for the human condition--not for those behind bars, nor for those helping to free them.
As always, Mr. Smith you all are in my prayers.
Was someone hoping he'd use them to hang himself?
These underpants, did they merit legal briefs?
"think maybe that's just because Guantanamo is something regrettable"
"Regrettable" is not a synonym with "obscene," "monstrous," "criminal," "brutal", or any of the other possible adjectives to describe the torture camp in legal limbo.
Mr Smith-- I wholly support your just desire to clear your name and, if at all possible, solve the mystery of the contraband unmentionables.
Thus, I respect and admire your decision to present your brief in this forum. Best of luck in your endeavors.
What Clive writes here may seem silly, but if you take a moment you will notice that his snark is smoking with outrage.
And yes, the military will never delete the suspicion of his possible complicity in supplying camo colored breifs to inmates at Hotel Git'mo
Underwear stories are somehow more interesting and fun when they're about underwear in Washington, rather than in a Guantanamo prison. I think maybe that's just because Guantanamo is something regrettable and beyond humor.
"Curiouser and curiouser!" Cried Alice.