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New Quiz Should Leave Prospective Immigrants at a Loss for Words
There are no stupid questions -- only ones that couldn't possibly be answered.
You've got to hand it to our immigration officials. They've come up with a way to prevent any immigrant from any country from ever becoming an American citizen. That should destroy the incentive not only for illegal immigration but for the perfectly legal kind as well.
And they did so without spending a penny. No fences. No increased border controls. No surveillance cameras.
Just a simple test. The federal immigration authorities this week revised the civics test that newcomers are required to take to become naturalized citizens. And, if it is strictly enforced, we'll never have a new citizen again.
The test supposedly was designed to focus on the workings of democracy. And on diversity. Example: Now you need to know who Nancy Pelosi is. (Honestly.)
Of course, many immigrants do know the name of the speaker of the House. And if they don't, there are cram courses from which they can learn it.
But there's one question -- hidden away in the new questionnaire like a tiny ticking bomb -- that no one, absolutely no one, will ever be able to answer.
The question is this: "What does the president's cabinet do?"
Go on, answer it. No one would like to know the answer more than the cabinet members themselves. Think of their anguish on those infrequent occasions when they're summoned to the cabinet room. (Possible test answer: The cabinet meets in the cabinet room. It's worth a try.) Each of them sits at a designated place at the table. All are well-dressed and indicate the seriousness of the occasion by frowning for the cameras. But what are they supposed to actually do? Fortunately, every one of them (presumably) is already a citizen, so they never have to say.
The citizenship quiz could have asked what each cabinet member does, and that would of course be easy to answer. One of them wiretaps, one ignores New Orleans, one lets bridges collapse, and so on.
But the whole cabinet? All together? A strange ensemble that never plays a note.
I suppose someone desperate enough for citizenship could answer that the cabinet advises the president, but anyone saying that runs the risk of being sued for libel by several cabinet officers.
The truth is, no answer works. It's one of those questions, like Euler's conjecture, that sends scholars on an endless quest.
Oh, those crafty folks at Immigration. They're keeping everyone out. On the other hand, we don't know who gets to grade the exam.
David Lebedoff is a Minneapolis attorney and author.
© 2007 Star Tribune
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12 Comments so far
Show AllThe test questions I liked were:
1. Q: During the Cold War, what was the main concern of the United States?
Correct Answer: Communism
I guess writing "assuring complete corporate economic hegemony and violently crushing any people who resist". Will earn someone a quick trip to an INS prison,
2.What is the economic system in the United States?*
Correct answers: capitalist economy, or market economy
I guess writing: "It currently is capitalist, but it should is watever the people democratically decisde it should be" will likewise result in severe consequences.
http://www.uscis.gov/files/nativedocuments/100q.pdf
I remember when I took civics class in middle school. The answer to the question of what the cabinet did was two-fold: 1) To advise the President 2) To help the President execute his executive duties.
Unfortunately, my civics class overlooked that the President was being advised by pundits and crony appointees rather than the "ideal" of a neutral / objective experts. Equally overlooked was the idea that the cabinet helps the President to further the agenda of corporations, the wealthy, and other profit motivated ideologues.
Sounds like they used tests designed for No Child Left Behind implementation.
Australia, like the little shadow of the US that our Prime Minister aspires it to be, has instituted a test almost exactly the same.
http://www.theage.com.au/news/national/citizenship-test-unveiled/2007/08/26/1188066928766.html
whats the sound of one head napping?
The test is littered with a few errors. The first is #3; the Preamble is NOT considered a part of the Constitution as per USSC rulings. #11's answer ought to be mixed economy with capitalistic and socialistic elements. #16 should include the executive as a law maker. #41 the federal government has the exclusive right to coin money, not print. #52 The Pledge is to the flag, not the government. #56 Taxes may be filed later than 15 April. #63 The Declaration was actually adopted July 2, 1776. #67 Publius was a pseudonym for one of the three named individuals. #75 The Emancipation did NOT free the slaves; it only freed a select portion. In fact, none of the answers given are correct; the Emancipation freed only those slaves residing in Confederate controlled territory. #86 The most correct answer is that the USA suffered a counterattack related to its alliance in Israel's war against the Palestinian People and the USA's ongoing Iraqi Holocaust.
The Cabinet Advises the President... or so it is said that this is it's purpose. That is, until the baboon-in-a-suit occupied the Oval Office.
It contains his brews, meds, pretzels and of course, a crayon and paper for important documents. While attractively styled in Burmese Teak, it's surface serves well as a base for his bust of Nixon.
A good cabinet.
There are plenty of American citizens who couldn't pass that quiz let alone immigrants!
As a prospective new US citizen with application submitted in July, I have no fear of their test - the biggest problem facing me and fellow applicants at present is getting out of the line waiting for USCIS to open our packets of documents.
As an American citizen I haven't figured out what this President's cabinet does yet? Except draw a paycheck, devise ingenious ways to screw the average American out of more tax dollars and look good for photo ops. But, most educated American's know the cabinet advise the President. When the voting public bothers to elect one who will listen to someone other than God! But, laying all the obvious jokes aside about the moron who occupies the White House! I do think that immigrants becoming citizen's need to be able to speak a little of the language (English) and should know a little about our style of government. I don't think that's to much to ask of a new citizen. All most have to do is do a little studying. It is a privilege to become a US citizen. At least at one time it was. I can't say much about it these days.
Maybe you've heard this joke. The candidate for citizenship is asked: "Do you favor the overthrow of the United States government by force or subversion?" The correct answer, of course, is "No." Anyone who replies "Ooh, tough choice!" fails the test.
Maybe the question could be used at the border to screen for terrorists.