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Laughing To Keep From Crying
Whether we agree on the precise nature of the legacy of 9/11, one thing's hard to dispute: terrorism is the sun of the U.S. political universe - The Issue around which all other issues orbit.
And now, along comes Zack and Larry Arnstein's book The Ultimate Counterterrorist Home Companion - a welcome gift for the citizen-soldier. (Actually, it was a gift to me. The authors sent me a copy for free! It's one of the cool things about being a nerdy book-loving columnist. Lots of free books!)
The 165-page "manual" is a quick read, providing a hilarious antidote to the fear-mongering fueling the "war on terror," prodding us to lighten up, poking fun at the powers-that-be, while offering a subtle reminder that deserves to be taken seriously: nothing is more subversive to power than to laugh in the face of it - be it the power wielded by terrorists or the power abused by governments everywhere.
The Counterterrorist Companion begins by paying humorous homage to the most hyperbolic political slogan to come down the pike in a long time.
"9/11 has changed everything. No longer can America live the peaceful culture of mutual respect that we have been blessed with since the beginning of our nation," begins the first chapter, exposing the absurdity "changed everything" with another absurdity.
"We are more afraid than ever about terrorism, and rightfully so....terrorism has risen to become one of the Most Leading Causes of Death in America, preceded only by tobacco use, car crashes, and being eaten by a bear."
That's followed by a chart showing where terrorism ranks among other causes of death with the added caveat that "in order to make a nice looking chart, we have understated the number of deaths caused by tobacco use by a factor of 10."
The Counterterrorist Companion contains 34 short chapters, ranging from "Planning Your Family Antiterrorism Drill: What to Do When Little Lucy Can't Assemble Her Matador 25B Anti-tank Rocket Launcher in under 37 Seconds" on down to "the Religious Chapter."
Of course, there's a few corny parts in the book but you try writing 165 pages of side-splitting humor and I'd bet not every word is going to be the greatest satirical barb ever written.
But even when it seems the authors have gone too far astray in their comedic analysis - Chapter 9 ("Moats: How to Make Them, Are They Still Useful?), for example - the reader is brought right back home with an incisive, if indirect, insight into contemporary American culture.
Just when I was saying to myself: moats? - comes: "Yes. Before you begin the process of isolating yourself from society completely, you will need to read this chapter."
The Moat chapter concludes by snickering at the Hollywood-inspired arguments used by "war on terror" cheerleaders while highlighting an area where America is truly vulnerable - shipping ports.
Terrorists "prefer the more exciting skydiving/helicopter/snowboarding-type attacks. What could be more boring for a terrorist than launching an attack by a slow-moving container ship?"
The Arnstein father-son duo really hit their stride in their chapter on Iraq - "Invading Iraq: It's the Thought That Counts."
"The 2003 invasion of Iraq was a brilliant move in our government's effort to combat terrorism, filled with subtleties that are not often noticed by radical left wing organizations like CNN. Invading Iraq is the equivalent of avoiding a bar fight by pouring a milkshake on your head. Just when your enemy is so angry that he is ready to punch you in the head, you do something so unexpected and bizarre as to make your enemy reconsider his plan of action...."
"The invasion of Iraq was just like throwing a wild pitch every now and then to keep the batter guessing, and you know what? It worked. Our enemies and friends alike no longer consider us capable of rational thought, and that, friends, is right where we want them."
Unless you're as uptight and humorless as Ann Coulter, you'll find the Counterterrorist Companion an amusing reminder that the most potent weapon in the fight against terrorism is to not be terrorized.
And sometimes you just gotta laugh to keep from crying. Sean Gonsalves is an assistant news editor at the Cape Cod Times and a syndicated columnist. He can be reached at sgonsalves@capecodonline.com.
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17 Comments so far
Show AllI've been saying for a long time that we need to use derisive laughter when these so-called "leaders" tell us that we need to continue the war in Iraq, that we need to take out Iran, that 9/11 changed everything, etc., etc., etc. If the Senate would start laughing (derisively) when these so-called "leaders" ask for more money for the war in iraq, I bet it'd make a big difference. At least it's worth a try!! What do we have to lose? More money? What's a couple (hundred) billion more?
Excellent! Mark Twain, in "The Mysterious Stranger", said: (spoken by Satan)
"For your race, in its poverty, has unquestionably one really effective weapon--laughter. Power, money, persuasion, supplication, persecution--these can lift at a colossal humbug--push it a little--weaken it a little, century by century; but only laughter can blow it to rags and atoms at a blast. Against the assault of laughter nothing can stand."
I wanna be a "nerdy book-loving columnist", where do you sign up?
But hey now, look, Ann Coulter isn't humorless at all, she's terribly funny to listen to, look at, or even think of. Adams apple in a little black dress representing conservative family values who wants to physically intimidate liberals, what could be funnier?
Women don't have Adam's apples. Ann Coulter is a skinny man in drag whose first name is Andrew.
Don't know how many of you caught this last night on 60 Minutes:
Katie Curic was interviewing the former director of the EPA about the failing health of all those caught in the dust-cloud of the twin towers -
Curic: "But isn't it the job of the EPA to protect us from the environment?" You just can't make this shit up.
Well, it IS the Environmental Protection Agency, isn't it? I can see where one could get confused, I can...
Ipenec please tell me you are being sarcastic...
Thanks for the reminder about the value of humor.
Long after the Selection, and for awhile after the war was dubiously incepted, it seemed to my disbelieving eyes (here in a large midwestern city) that W could do no wrong in the estimation of most. W Bumper stickers EVERYWHERE to match the yellow ribbons. I was flabergasted by his popularity, and had no clue why W's butt was so kissing sweet, was amazed at the fact that his non-service was a non-issue, fr'instance. I observed all that "bring it on' stuff, coupled with bin Laden's continued freedom, and began to think the ones such as myself who couldn't see the magic of Bushthink were limited indeed. I thought we dissenters were completely outnumbered.
Then Stephen Colbert did that amazing thing- making that mass-murdering smirking fratboy the figure of fun at a national event, while standing just a few feet away from the worst president America has yet endured.
Prob'ly out on a limb here, but I swear things began to tilt left from that day on. I am hardly optimistic about the situation, but have felt for some time that Colbert's ridicule had been the beginning of a diminishment of Idiotpower, a force that had previously had the appearance, to me anyway
of invulnerability.
Can we possibly laugh our own little Lone Star Caligula and his Inbred Army out of power?
Bwa-a-a-ha-ha-ha-a-a!!
Wow! That felt great
boyd!!! So true. Colbert and Jon Stewart completely change my whole perspective. And I went on to change my conservative father's opinions, through their satirizing. And while I believe that anger stirs the spirit to make change, derisive laughter cuts to the bone.
One of the biggest jokes on the American people is the tired, old right-wing lie that "We're fighting 'them' over there so we don't have to fight 'them' over here.
Since when did the country of Iraq, weakened by over a decade of sanctions, threaten the USA, the world's superpower? The answer is they never have, and we all know it.
Laugh if you are wise. (Martial book ii)
Ill timed laughter, is a dangerous evil (Menander)
Bush/Cheney are not funny, ___ except when Bush is so seriously reading a speech to us.
i agree the death grip of the government's terror campaign should finally be over. how much cowardice does the american public have capacity for?
6 years and counting...
ezyflyer___You may be right about Ann (Andrew) Coulter. I always thought there was something fishy about her (him) as well as nauseating. The Repulsives are proud of some very strange people, considering how moral they all are.
No doubt about it, the Gluttonous Overbearing Perverts have a "wide stance" on morality. Not to mention an obsessive interest in what others are doing in the privacy of their homes...but then, peepers have always been considered perverts, haven't they?
Hear hear!!!
From Monty Python to the Daily show to Ali G (Borat), some of our greatest weapons against dangerous provincialism have been forged.
Serious indignation can frequently give the appearance of relevance to the negative aspects of society where humor, when used properly, can show the Emperor as truly naked as he is.
Alberto Gonsales: "I don't recall my ante 9/11 life."