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TechnoratiGood Riddance Turd Blossom
What truly cheers me up through these dog days of summer is the thought that two old friends of mine are up north on a canoe trip in the Boundary Waters Canoe Area and that I am not there with them.
I am here, reading the paper, and if I wanted to go to a movie, I could go, and if I wished to use a flush toilet, I could do that, too. But for the grace of God, I could be sitting on the ground, filthy, embittered, homeless, eating freeze-dried food and listening to the Master Woodsman tell me what a great experience I'm having and meanwhile a cloud of mosquitoes has come out to avenge the white man's colonizing of North America. I have been on canoe trips, I know what goes on.
Every canoe trip has a self-appointed Master Woodsman. In civilian life he may be a mild-mannered clerk in a cubicle but out on the trail he is transformed into the song leader, pathfinder, the great helmsman, the tier of correct knots and the authority on bears. He shows you how to do everything except the things you really need to do, such as (1) relieve yourself in some dignified manner and (2) get out of here and find a hotel. Your body aches from sleeping on the ground and you are thinking about "Lord of the Flies" and what it says about the fragility of civilization, but he is relentlessly upbeat. And then it dawns on you: Your suffering is what turns him on. The man is a sadist.
At this point, the current administration is like a very, very bad canoe trip with a week left to go, and Karl Rove is the Head Counselor who has found a path to the highway.
He left the White House with a wave and a grin and not in handcuffs as some had hoped, followed by the usual backwash of commentary on how important he was, or how not important in comparison to how important some people thought he was, and what I find eerie about the man is his inexhaustible self-confidence and optimism. He was the Master Woodsman. According to some accounts, his positive outlook was responsible for the Current Occupant's sunny disposition in the face of bad news. No wonder Rove's nickname was "Turd Blossom." He could put fecal matter on his lapel and call it a boutonniere.
There are basically two types of Americans and the first is the type most of the world considers typical: the Americans who when the big smiley preacher stands in the pulpit and says, "How about everybody turn around and shake hands with the person behind you and give them a big howdy!" they all turn around and shake and say howdy and feel uplifted by this. And then there are the Americans who would do anything to avoid this, including staying away from church entirely.
The first type, when the preacher says he is going to show us a way we can double our net worth in the next year, thinks, "Boy, this is my lucky day." The second does not. There are more of the second type than the first.
Mr. Rove believed in himself 150 percent and believed he could make history and create the permanent Republican majority to run the country, but when people look at what he actually brought to pass -- this wretched war that costs us $10 billion a month or more, a mortgaged economy, the corruption of the Department of Justice -- somehow the permanent majority seems less and less interesting.
His last big assignment was to get the immigration bill passed. It failed in large part because Congress was tired of Rove and his boy-genius high-handedness.
Instead, Homeland Security announced a new crackdown on illegal immigrants, which aroused protests from farmers who said that 70 percent of farm workerstoday are illegal -- a stunning fact, if true: Most of the people who pick our beans and tomatoes are men and women forced to sneak across the border, and why? Because they're a security threat? No. So that we can get them cheap, that's why.
Rove spoke with great confidence about beans and tomatoes and showed slides and got standing ovations in many places, but he didn't get the crops in. Goodbye and good riddance.
Garrison Keillor is the host of The Prairie Home Companion. His e-mail is oldscout@prairiehome.us.
© 2007 Chicago Tribune
46 Comments so far
Show AllRove, he would a-roving go,
But only back to Texas --
He says -- so we don't really know
How much he still may vex us.
Imagine a string of comments doing what Keillor does--using far more of what our language can do than the narrow range entailed by notions of "my opinion" and "subject matter". We can all write much better than we bother to. Keillor does bother. He sees what's missing--not a daily life perspective, not an epic perspective, but a splotchy idiosyncratic moody very familiar one. Imagine a string of comments written by people who not only want to speak their minds but also want to include the parts of the world that almost every aspect of our public shouldified existence blots out. Guerrilla writing by Keillor, the rustworm of the empire.
Rove is on loan to the Republicans from Satan..he hasn't been returned yet.
Rove is not going any where. He's just tripping to Texs setting the table for the next election. You will pay the tab weather you like the food or not.
I hate to be such a cynic but Mr. Rove left to help himself ONLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!11
Gawd. Sometimes I can't tell if Democrats just like spinning BS? Or if they really are that clueless?
One constant bit of Democratic Party propaganda is to blame all problems on one person on the other side. Sometimes it Bush, sometimes its Rove. They goal of the propaganda is to convince stupid voters if they just vote these people out of office and elect Democrats then everything will be better.
How's that working out for you? A few years back it was Tom Delay that was the great evil. Well, we replaced him with Nancy Pelosi. Have you seen the end of the war? Have you seen any rollbacks or repeals of the legislation that takes away our rights? Have you seen the Bush tax cuts repealed? What have you seen? One little symbolic bump in the minimum wage is all I can think of. I used to work min wage jobs, so I know its appreciated. But its still about half of what would be a 'living wage' in most places. A full time paycheck for a week of $240 before taxes ain't gonna pay much rent.
The other piece of BS in this piece is that Rove is gone. Except, any look at a calendar would reveal that if Rove is going to be involved in the NEXT election, now would be the time to leave the lame-duck White House and move on. I doubt Rove will take a public role with a campaign. He's such a lightening rod these days. But I'd bet he's an off the books advisor for someone in the Rethug field before too long.
Compared to the folks on the "Democratic" side, Rove IS a genius. But he is not, in ipso, a genius.
mom4peace,
I like the chains and shackles option best. Or he could go hide under the fecal matter out of which he grew. But if I really could have my choice, I think the piece of @#$% ought to be publicly hanged!
mom4peace says: "Unless, of course, he is pegged to be Jeb Bush's running mate in the 2008 Presidential sElection$…."
(BARF) Since the two have no honor, they'll probably be the Republicans' choice to run sometime in the future.
Karl Rove's Future:
I see a 'man' whose next job should be a non-stop, public reading of the names of every man, woman, and child who died in the ILLEGAL U.S. invasion of Iraq....Working attire: Chains and Shackles
Unless, of course, he is pegged to be Jeb Bush's running mate in the 2008 Presidential sElection$....
Never thought Rove was a genuis. Never considered him anything other than an unethical hack that was given free license. Had we had a truly opposition party, he would have been smacked down from the start, not left to walk away after the fact.
Rove and the rest of the SS "WILL" be back again and again, that is unless they ARE investigated and THEN impeached and punished for their crimes, BUT, it needs to be done AFTER the next election turn over so the BUSH is gone and cannot give a blanket pardon. Then they'll wither away because no one running for office or running a business will want to be found connected to anyone of this group of "sichos".
Apparerntly Shrub loves to use nicknames, and he is the one who christened Rove with the apt moniker...
Rove's no genius. He is simply a dedicated disciple of Machiavelli. He feels no ethical or intellectual restraint in doing whatever it takes to win. The man elevated lying to an art form. The bushies still catch me, if only temporarily, with his classic BS. The latest was the two "war critics" from the Times (I think) who had to grudgingly admit that the surge was going well. Farewell, Turdblossom and watch out for process servers.
God, Garrison, your writing is so good for the soul. It's hysterically funny. Thanks.
Garrison Keillor has done it again. All of his columns are above average.
Perhaps Rove is going to be assisnated soon because he DID tell Cheney that he'd "sing" if anything happened to him. So let's get rid of him so that he won't be a danger to the grand plan already in play, might be Cheney's rationale since shooting people in the face is sport for him.
If W was unhappy that his play-pal is suddenly voted off the island, I would imagine that he is either going to rise to new heights of hypocrisy and treason with impunity or he's marked with targets on his temples and Georgy-boy knows it.
Better get W another new drug for this one... quick, call Rummy or that slime-bag Frist.
That's a shame, Hector, since I'm willing to bet Keillor passionately wants to be with you.
KKKarl Rove is an evil sadist and a war criminal but so is Kissinger and he has not only never been prosecuted, but still gives war advice to Bushit 43.
The American people ARE stupid because they believe the MSN, but they are lazy, too. And the stupid Sheeple so called christians are the most retarded of the lot. That's why KKKarl's strategy works. And they were stupid before the TV generation. Sigh...
Maybe its us who need the rapture, floating up to the wheel in the sky that goes on turning. (:)))
Go, Amy Goodman!!!
There are few people with whom I'd less like to be than with Karl Rove. Garrison Keillor is one of them.
lillulu says,
"So Republicans hold the sly, full-of-guile, lying weasel Rove up as a role model for their children to emulate?"
Hey what can one say except the man well, grew out of a turd! Interesting role model.
Eeewwww, so Republicans hold the sly, full-of-guile, lying weasel Karl Rove up as a role model for their children to emulate? And they pretend to be morally superior, church-going people.......what a big joke.
Hmmm...
Karl Rove a genius... Maybe in the New Dictionary for the New American Century in which all definitions are altered, much like in the book Animal Farm, to suit the further raping of the poulation by those in power.
Rove could be a genius in a dictionary written by future graduates of the No Child Left Behind era schools. But these students aren't learning to read so that may not be possible, even in a world that Rove and his fellow thugs rule.
For having steered George W. Bush into the presidency TWICE, either Rove was a political genius or the American people were stupid. The jury is still out but it looks more and more like the latter was the case. Hopefully, Americans are finally starting to wise up.
Mr. Keillor: are you sure that you don't have nordic blood somewhere in your veins? Your writing is so unsubtly
laced with that most common component of Scandinavian humor: potty jokes. Perhaps the reason is, instead, that you have spent so much time among the Larsons, Swensons, and Olsons up there in Minnesota.
Not that I'm complaining. Three of my grandparents were born in Sweden. So your writing on serious subjects and your adding a bit of irreverent humor to them seem a breath of fresh (?) air to me.
You read a lot about what a genius Karl Rove but it is hardly ever accompanied by examples. Being a stategic genius doesn't equate to much more than how to win in a fight. He fights dirty and then acts coy. He better stay amongst friends, he wouldn't make to the end of my block. The right thinks they are so entitled that they'll get in bed with anyone who they think will deliver. KR wipes his ass with constitution and the right cheers him on because they don't care for it much either.
Rove "resigned" as a ploy to distract us once again from the war. It keeps us talking about it for a few weeks while we don't notice ourselves getting screwed over more and more...
In about 2-3 weeks there'll be another big thing coming out of the White Supremacy House to distract us.
Being called "turd blossom" by Garrison Keillor is like being called "ugly" by a frog.
Good-bye and good riddance Rove--thanks for a masterfully ironic piece of writing Garrison!
What remains to be seen is whether Rove will enjoy the same impunity out of office that he enjoyed very close to high office. Is it his way of ducking out of media pressure? Or is it a favor to the Democrats? i.e. They'll no longer be expected to go after him.
How much influence does Rumsfeld still enjoy? Does he still get the ear of the President? I've read that he's still got an office in the Pentagon...
So Rove's departure helps three groups:
* Takes some of the heat off Bush admin.
* Takes some of the heat off the Democrats. Now there's one less person they'll be expected to go after.
* Changes the media landscape.
Here's the insight:
The media has personified much of Bush & Co's evils into particular faces: Shrub, Cheney, Rumsfeld, Wolfowitz, Rove, etc. This harkens to the old debate in terms of whether history makes leaders or leaders make history. Obviously, the same can be said of institutionalized or "elected" corruption. Is it largely the result of Bush & Co. or is it a wider social/cultural cancer in American society?
Because if the former, we'll be better off without Rove. If the latter, it won't make any difference whatsoever.
Read Amy Goodman's piece on Rove, with her closing insight that Rove is moving to Florida to prepare the Jeb Bush 2012 presidential campaign.
Like a lot of people, i will not be at all surprised if the evil Cheney/Bush/Rove heart of the Repugnant Party stages a terror attack or launches a new war, declares a national emergency, and cancels the upcoming election.
However, i will also not be surprised if they go to the sidelines to wait through a Clinton-Obama presidency, which will serve to continue the corporatization of the United States while throwing some "progressive" social policy imagery to the masses.
Mr. Keillor certainly knows better - Rove ain't going nowhere except stealth. While a loyalbushie ghostwriter pens his memoir of lies, he'll be pulling the strings of both the Loonitary Decider AND whomever the GOPathologicals frontrunner gets stuck running in '08. Rove is "daddy," Hughes is "mommy," and both will remain on the payroll until the bitter end, or until Grandpa Cheney orders otherwise.
There were at two "turd blossoms" in the bush administration; so when is the other one gonna go?
The conoe trip metaphor is dead-on. One bad trip scars you for life. I can still remember...
What is truly dumbfounding is how Rove and many other Republicans can celebrate a mindset that to me is so utterly cruel and just plain wrong. And somehow they have the capacity to not feel bad about it. Amazing.
Rove might be put to good use as compost although every spring we would risk having the tiller bring his teeth up to the surface and remind us of his evil grin.
That's Minnewegian.
"Mr. Rove believed in himself 150 percent and believed he could make history and create the permanent Republican majority to run the country, but when people look at what he actually brought to pass — this wretched war that costs us $10 billion a month or more, a mortgaged economy, the corruption of the Department of Justice — somehow the permanent majority seems less and less interesting."
Yes and somehow the "permanent Republican majority" seems more and more like Hitler's attempted "Thousand Year Reich".
Absolute genius! I am so proud to be a Minnesotan.
The "genius" of Karl Rove -A Dilemma for Republican Parents
.
Whatever do arch Republicans teach their children if they equate a modality of choreographed synchronistic lying as genius.
If they so exalt lock-step power point lying as a preferred methodology to win and keep personal power, to what end would they teach their children that lying in pursuit of gain is inappropriate behavior?
Labels: genius, karl rove, lying, mendacity as methodology, propaganda, cognitorex blogspot
i would argue that there are 3 kinds of americans: those who make things happen, those who watch what happens, and those who don't have a clue what is happening. the majority of americans, sadly, fall into the last category.
Laugh. Keillor has always been funny. But I love that - increasingly - he has turned his Americanist humor to waging the good fight.
It's like a consolation in the absence of much else.
"I have been on canoe trips, I know what goes on"? I hope posters pause to laugh before our grim and justified forebodings kick back in...
I would argue that Americans are of two types, those who will obey the preacher to turn around and shake hands with those behind (who are doing the same thing) and those of us who see the stupidity.
Because it's a figure of authority talking the first type will fall for this every Sunday.
I won't believe Rove is really gone until the White House denies it.
As I wrote yesterday Rove will likely go on the lucrative lecture circuit to earn money for his legal defense. He knows he's being pursued but unfortunately he also knows he will be "pardoned" no matter what conviction. It's still going to cost him and his current position doesn't pay enough.
Maybe this time he'll be flying the planes himself? One can only fantasize....
Mr. Keillor,
Come on, don't be so naive. Rove is not going anywhere. He will be involved in the next catastrophe in some capacity. The "teaching and writing books" is a smokescreen. Where he really ought to be is behind bars.
We have a long road ahead of paying for and repairing the damage that these evil fools have done. I take no comfort in the fact that this guy is gone, but I take great pain in the fact that he was ever there at all.
Rove was never that smart really. It was that our mainstream media was so uncritical of what he spewed. The mainstream media has always been bush's real base and the illusion of rove's 'genius' was artificially propped up by it's ready acceptance of whatever vileness he offered them.